A country cannot just be a piece of land framed
with borders, an imperial army that defends them, a soulless flag waving trivially
with colors, lines, or drawings on its cloth. A territory must be added attachment
for its winds and its furrows, beings of blood and heart, residents of a story
that is sometimes shown like a heroic cover, sometimes as a bloody doublet, and
interweaves in the same fabric hopes and failures. They had their serene laws,
without rigor and severity; they ruled their land always considering changing
milestones of their fortune, with appreciation for freedom, beauty and
friendship.
In all these things I thought while excited
I awaited the time to see them, and I searched in my closets for an attire
that, whether suitable or not for the street, at least it weren’t too
ostentatious. I wasn't very sure either what to dress from the waist up or
whether I should take an umbrella. In the end I found a clear jersey to dress over
a yellow shirt and not-too-flashy trousers of a subdued blue colour which,
right or wrong, were my first clothes on the street. I remembered also to leave
my wallet at home. Whatever it was, whether I got some dinner or not, I wanted
to leave without any money. I was already in the garden when I went back remembering
the book that John had lent me in the summer. This was the right day to return
it. And at the second exit, I headed decidedly Castle Road, knowing this time it
wouldn’t take me long to finally reach the Outskirts of the Torn Hand.
− "So he will
arrive soon −Luke had taken advantage of this time that I had gone to
Deanforest to tell his story at the camp, summarizing them our conversation
without betraying my deepest feelings or criticisms, referring them my double
intention of going to see them and then go with him to the street−, and I think
that he has earned that, when you see him come up here, he has a great
reception."
− "We will all
embrace him with affection, Luke −said Miguel looking him in the eyes−. I have
hesitated before. I don't mind admitting that I was wrong. But still I keep on
being somewhat skeptical and I don't know if he will come. Why today and not these
past two months?"
− "He really
loves us, Miguel."
− "He loves us in
October and he didn't love us so much in August and September? Come on, Luke. I
understand that he can be accused of nothing, and we will always remember him
fondly and it is true that the days he spent here, he was not a simple visitor.
Forgive me, I have fond memories of him, it is true, but I am not so sure that
I will see him today. And I don't know if in his case it will matter, but he is
a Siddeley."
− "I assure you,
Miguel, that's the last circumstance that Nike is thinking about –said then Mistress
Oakes− He cannot come –and looking at me in the eyes−. Something makes it
impossible for him."
–“Something makes it impossible for him? He
has had time enough."
− "There are reasons
very different to time. You cannot understand them because you do not know his
personal circumstances. Believe me, Miguel. Nike has wanted to come, but he could
not."
− I think that Mistress
Oakes is right −said Luke−. Time he has had. The distance is short. But he
could not come to see us. I can assure you."
− "You two seem
to know what you are talking about. Could you not enlighten us?"
− "Miguel –said then
John−, believe them."
And Miguel looked at him with new doubts,
facing his partner and recalling that they had spent two months in the same fight.
− "Is it that you
know something?"
− "I don't know anything.
I don't want to know anything."−Miguel seemed even more uneasy with this
response of his twin.
− "The time that
we see him again is coming −said Lucy−. Nike will come. Let’s all have our best
smile for him. We just have to give him back the friendship that he wants to
give us. Come on, Miguel. It will not be difficult. You've already admitted
that you have sympathy for him. Give Nike a big hug when he arrives. But of
course he will come. Now he cannot behave otherwise."
Up to then neither Olivia nor Bruce had
spoken. She was so busy in calming the new unexpected tears of her grandson that
she was listening as best she could but she didn't speak. But Bruce spoke then.
− "I never
thought the day he left that I would see him no more. I know that he will come,
but you want, Luke, us to give him our best smile. And when I see him, I am
afraid that my eyes will be rain."
− "You can also
welcome someone with tears, Bruce. Nike will thank them."
− "You all seem
to agree that he will come – Miguel said-. All right. I’ve been wrong once and
it may be that I am wrong again. We shall see. But however much affection you
feel for him, affection that I share, I cannot participate of the same faith. I
am not able to imagine him in the street. I think that if he comes, if he
really comes, anything will retain him here or he will go back. But he may not
go that far."
− "Fortunately or
unfortunately –Mistress Oakes said−, when he met us, we were for him a
religion. And sooner or later he must want to be baptized in our codes and
indignities. Of these latter he knew almost all without a single complaint,
don't forget this. And he won't know what to do with his life until he has all
the information."
− "Five past four
-said Miguel with confidence−. He should
already be here."
− "To Newchapel and
back again walking – said Luke-, not taking into account the time he may have
spent looking for things in the interior of Deanforest, calculate... but he
must be about to arrive. Also in The
Silversmith we have not asked for any dessert. He has maybe stopped to
drink some coffee. He might need it."
These last words were followed by a silent
and tense wait. Everyone wanted to see me appear soon at any corner, or perhaps
feared a new disappointment. They looked to the north with an undecided face of
hope and disappointment. Everybody was sitting next to Bruce’s tent and he,
perhaps the more accustomed to scan the contours of his geography, tremulously
pointed at the north direction.
− "There's Nike –he
cried cheerfully−. He is in Millers' Lane."
I saw them when I was so close that I only
had to go up the slope and kiss them. The land was no longer the carefree girl
who gets tidied up in the sight of everyone, dressed in hot sun and leafy
trees. But the borders of the country that I remembered were the same, now
bathed in the changing autumn light. The maiden was already a woman but had no
hurry to become mature. The sun, sleepy in its cradle of clouds, wanted to wake
up a while and become a lighthouse which showed me a dry and striated mantle of
yellowish furrows over which stretched the green lanterns of the five tents.
Some fallen leaves adorned the threshold stones, as a fruit of the slow
stripping from that October.
Halfway to Millers' Lane I could already
distinguish them. They were looking in my direction, awaiting me with fresh,
bright rainbow smiles. Perhaps though the sun was not pointing at them, close at
that moment to its west, it framed their hair like an aura, and their smiling
faces were beauty and tenderness. How nice one feels when he lets his heart do
the right thing. To finally see them was such an intense thrill that, up the
steep slope, I limped again. I wondered if they would have known something of
the basilisk, but my legs hesitated due to the memory that the seven could bite.
In a single glance I saw them all but Lucy.
Someone should be taking care of the little king, I thought. Mistress Oakes,
the first spark that built us all in the same forge, went ahead, again the
first star, with open arms and a smile that invited me to embrace her. The sun
disappeared a second among its sentinel clouds. And already my eyes began to downpour
so much water that my factions there must have wrecked.
− "Dear Mistress
Oakes –I began, weakly hugging her and filling her with kisses. The two months hadn’t
made her look older. I saw no new wrinkles or white hair and her health was still
strong. Oh, mistress, fifty years on the streets and you still seem young
energy and food for the soul! −, what a pleasure to see you again. How I have
missed you. But these past two months every night I looked up at the sky to see
Antares. It was as if you were always there with me."
− "I was always there
with you, you handsome boy."
The sun got rid of its jailer cloud and now
it was solemn brightness that gilded her hair and her eyes for a few seconds.
− "I don't know
if my long shade is already ending −I said returning with her to the motifs by
Verôme−. But whenever I see you, I remember that shade is not darkness, some
light is still perceived from afar. And all of you, from the stars to the
will-o'-the-wisps, shine as lights in my darkness. I can't help seeing you as
my lights, arising from the very heart of the Earth. But I suppose you think
that I'm going crazy."
− "I think that
once again, though you may not believe me, you are reading me, because I was
thinking about something similar. But don't forget that with Shade comes Liberty.
And this long time of maturing must have been good, if you follow me with a bit
of faith, so that you're able to, when the time comes, make decisions. And
you're already doing it. Of Liberty you are filling. Now you just have to grab
it well and keep it and with it on your shoulders you cannot avoid to ever see
the world through other crystals."
I could not find more words to say. But I
had already learned that accompanied silence washed your heart with equal
purity. For my dear mistress the two months had not elapsed and she was still
looking at me through the same crystal. I did not greet them in chronological
order, Protch. Don't believe that our laws are a dogmatic yoke. Just where they
were, next to Bruce’s tent, I happened to have the joy of being greeted now by
Miguel.
− "How are you? How
well I see you!"
− "Nice to see
you, Nike. Luke told us you would come but it was difficult for me to believe.
I deserve it. With you I'm wrong again and again. I must not haste. In the end,
whenever I have an opinion of you, you come to show me that I was not right.
But I assure you that I am glad to see you."
− "Miguel –I
answered−, I remember every word that I exchanged with you, one by one, and I
can't honestly say you were not right. And if my life in summer was a carnival,
these last two months should have been good for me as atonement. Now I have to
see if there is life for me after this long penitence."
− "Be cautious,
Nike. Cautious and prudent. Do not rush. Capture the aromas of your world and
follow the footsteps that you prefer. And when you find the scent that seduces
you most, enclose it in a jar."
− "I will have to
go slowly." –I acknowledged.
− "Maybe it is
not a question of pace. Follow a path, yours, when you see the milestones which
make it. But don't heed my advices. You can reach anywhere better without them."
I was going to answer when I saw John’s urgency
to hug me.
− "It is a
pleasure to see you again and that my eyes become a lake −he said in tears−.
But surely, by your side, I will always remember the water. And it will be
shaken water."
− "How is
everything, John?"
− "Everything is
in its right place, Nike. Everything is good −he looked at me now with some
insinuation so I could feel that his words had then a double sense−. Here
nothing has happened and everything is fine."
− "Then no doubt everything
is ok – I stared at him, without daring to blink, but I wanted to convey to him
the certainty that I had heeded his allusions−. I hope to have a second to give
you back Introduction to the starry
cosmos. You'll see that it is under my arms. And maybe I borrow another
book from you."
And in his eyes I saw that he had read in me
the need that we would soon have a conversation alone. It was just a second,
because now I was going to have the good fortune to hug Olivia.
− "It is a huge
joy to greet you, Nike. You have not changed at all. Your smile and your words
are the same."
− "I hope I
haven’t changed at all, my dear Olivia –I was crying again, as echoing her
frequent sobs−. But I am not sure that the man who you used to know had some
value –I took off her shoulders a twig that was on them. For a second she
looked like a lush tree and, like all of them, sacred.
Her face, illuminated of bliss and tears,
reminded me, and not for the first time, a universal mother full of femininity.
− "How pretty you
are! I hope you allow me to add you always are."
And she had to notice that I shuddered. Something
in her perfume or her priestess voice made me tremble, as if my nervous system
was telling me that I had recently, perhaps, made a mistake, that it was not right
to set aside the goddesses of me, that not for having already prayed to Eros in
his altar, I had to say goodbye to the foams of Aphrodite. But Venus does not
remain long in the sky when you're lucky enough to see it. I still didn't
understand why, but after embracing me she went to her daughter’s tent. And in
less than five minutes I saw the sun again on Lucy’s reddish hair, on her clean
face, on her shining smile.
But there was another shining light that was
dying to hug me first. And when our eyes crossed, Bruce’s eyes became
immediately a river, restless, turbulent, with the red bed and waters with fierce
waves. And since then, I wonder how many different sources eyes have, but I,
who had been with all a volcano spilling lava, was from everywhere a spring, a
sea of tears, and a flood.
− "How are you,
Bruce? –All the time we spoke embraced, as if not to embrace him could return
me the terror not to feel him again, and they all could again become ghosts−. Every
day, believe it or not, I was afraid for you. But Luke has told me that you can
already swim with enough expertise and security."
− "Nothing will
happen to me, Nike −his eyes were such a spilled flow that they couldn’t find their
ocean−. I already told you that you should not have fears for me. Next summer
we will return to the lake together −and noticing that I was still a sea of frightened
energies, he continued−. I never doubted that I would see you again soon. And I
know now I'm going to see you often."
All this speech took him a couple of
minutes. Among constant tears, it was difficult for him to say a single word,
but he knew where he was going and, however, he continued. I was already
abundant rain, but his last words made my eyes wet like lakes. I had spent two
months doubting his welcome if we saw each other again, but his faith in me scared
idolatries away and stayed with the essential purity.
And Lucy at the end. Her eager smile was a
bright symphony of shades, a fragrant garden of feelings. I thought I could
read even shy love, but then I remembered that the man of her life, her
husband, was right next to us. Her gaze broke my crystals, but it was not
water, perhaps they were winds, the features of my face. What could I say to
her to assure her how I loved her, not causing Luke to be jealous? From Lucy
had departed a challenge that was finally fulfilled just as she predicted. I
had to talk to her about it. My heart was shaking and sometime that day it might
break again.
− "When thou
seest us, thou shalt know us –they were the first words I told her−. I could
never forget those words from you, even if you don’t believe me."
− "Nike, a heart
only is tested once. And now you will never need to weigh it in the scales of justice.
At the end you did the only thing you could do. It was impossible that you had
a different reaction. Do you remember the morning you saw the dawn with Luke
and me?"
− "I do. I have
not forgotten anything of those days."
− "The night was
about to give birth. It had already bled in its morning twilight, cut by the
glasses of dawn, and then it gave birth to its offspring with confidence. My birth
was expected at noon on the following day. And you were full of doubts,
germinating from Nicholas the creature Nike. But, without pain, you did not
notice that your offspring was coming. Perhaps this morning you've seen that
you've already given birth, that your child, yourself, is already here."
I never forgot those words. And the newborn had
to kiss her then. And so that my caresses were seven again, Luke also wanted to
hold me, second time that day, in his warm arms, with another tender smile and
an unexpected "Welcome again, my friend."
After this new tremulous embrace, Lucy
suggested that we could sit, right there next to Bruce's tent. Its usual inhabitant
invited me to have the other seat next to him. There was enough room for both.
And everyone else sat on the ground around us. Well, not everyone. All but
Olivia, who was back in her daughter’s tent taking care of her grandson. Mistress
Oakes invited me to tell them my news. But I protested:
− "No, please,
you first."
− "Here there is
nothing much to say, Nike. The few pieces of news there may have been you must
have heard Luke tell you. Life of beggars is monotonous when things go well.
And as these two months everything has gone perfectly, there isn't much to
say."
− "That is good
for me: to hear that everything has gone well for you. I miss the conversations
with you in the bonfire and to hear which kind of a day each has had. But, if I
am persevering, they will return. But otherwise, Luke has told me –I felt
choked up−, Terence... –and I could not carry on talking.
− "Who could
ensure that it has not lived everything it had to live before it died? –Bruce
said− If I had to go soon – I looked at him fiercely, trying to scare away the
ghost of the prophecy−, I have only not known reciprocated love. But I have
also experienced love. And the necessary friendship that one day I needed so
much I have finally had in abundance. And new friends are coming –he looked at
me−. So since we all have to die one day, in my last hour I will say that I
have known everything in life."
Bruce... As all of
them he had his own philosophy and every new word they said were food stored in
my learning backpack. How to achieve that I was never deprived of that bread?
− "Terence must
have lived whatever was in store for it. And it has surely been enough. And in
addition to Terence... but we still have hopes."
− "How long haven’t
you seen Tessa?" –I asked.
− "I remember
having seen it on 16 September, when we returned from St Mary, from our wedding
−said Lucy− and we all sat by our tents to have a little meal. That morning
they roamed here Terence, Telemachus and Tessa. Ted we didn't see it. We tend
not to see it in full sun. Since that morning, I do not remember having seen it
again. Did anyone see it?"−but all answered they hadn’t.
Two cats were no longer. I got to look at
the trees, almost counting them. Apart from Olivia’s great ash tree, the others
seemed to be still in their place and all the trees I remembered had been
respected by the gale. But I wanted to ask specifically for their health, and I
looked at Bruce, at Luke and at Mistress Oakes. But the only one who had
something to tell me was John.
− "I really tell
you, Nike, that everyone’s health is just as it was when you met us. There is
nothing to tell, but that I lost a tooth unexpectedly a few days after the
wedding. Nothing else. I hope that you won’t tell us now a single day of
flu."
It was my turn now.
− "About health I
have fortunately nothing to tell, unless loneliness is considered a new type of
disease."
− "Did you feel
lonesome, Nike?" −asked Miguel, looking at me with curiosity. It was affectionate
interest now. Our few misunderstandings were always solved in the simplicity of
how much we loved each other.
− "My whole life
has been an island. And only for eleven days a door opened for me to accept, if
I could, seven faces of loved ones smiling at me in a not-so-distant harbour.
Oh –I sighed−, if only one day I could say that I do not need to be accompanied
by any compass because I have finally found my Polar Star and I have been able
not to lose again my magnetic north. But I guess that meanwhile, Miguel, I will
stumble in life."
− "If I have
understood correctly, and we have been your magnetic north, here we will always
be waiting for you."
We were talking for about ten more minutes.
What I told them was not a monologue because hesitant, I did not know what
events to refer to them, and every few minutes I was silent. But the words were
not important. I could be fed for a week by a portion of their smiles, their
sincere tears which were shed in frank joy to see me again. With the firewood of
their friendship, they would heat forever a joyful flesh made up of skin, bones
and blood. And in their scarcity I would never starve. At that time I had
everything, but why did I suddenly have the feeling that the light of the afternoon still needed a wheat ear? Now it
was sunny; the clouds were dozing and later they would wake up with their load
of water, or maybe not. But I needed another germination rain. I needed it to
fall, but it didn’t rain. It was not the sight, Protch. My ears began to notice
a vibration that soon turned into a tantrum. His sleep time had hardly lasted,
as if he knew that he should wake up to make me cry and let me learn once and
for all what were the nails I needed for my landscape never to fall. Finally the little king. He was again in
Olivia’s arms, with a genuine voice of crying, as if he tried to convince us that
nothing could calm him down. His cries were authentic, heralds who said that
with those trumpets would break the walls of the day and night would come. His
grandmother put him at the end in his mother's arms, but Lucy, looking at me
with an unexpected tenderness, lovingly placed him in my arms. A miracle can be
a few tears that suddenly stop. As if he had recognized the smell of my blood,
two seconds after being installed on my poor cradle he stopped crying. A few
minutes to recognize the camp that my body was creating for him and then he went
back to sleep, safely, transmitting me the feeling, God knows how, that now he
had everything he needed. And with him in my arms we continued chatting for
twenty more minutes. "Don't be afraid, Regulus –I was saying to him−, I won't
go again or leave you alone, I promise." The latest wheat ear in my fields.
With him my countryside was already full and I just needed to see if I could
take advantage of the harvest. I had spent two months feeling him incorrectly as
my son. But although he was not my blood, next to my heart he must be stealing
me some beats. The machinery would stop if the next day I would not stay there
to beat next to them, to him. I almost cried when I felt that now that I had
begun to recover what I loved most, I had so much to lose, so much to lose! Not
you, little king. Even if life deprives me of everything, however it cannot
deprive me of you. I should be consistent with the decisions that I had already
taken. I could not sink again. If I didn’t stay there, all my life I would seek
in vain for a life preserver. And however... could I really stay there? Lucy
and Luke looked at me tenderly. Noticing it I wondered again if my life really depended
on myself.
− "How I would
like to see your star" –I said out loud now.
− "Have you been
looking at them?" −asked me John.
− "Every clear
night −I answered with a sigh−. I had to place myself in the darkness of
Hammerstone Bridge to see the stars of the south. Even last night I saw
Mistress Oakes there with her reddish light. And if I got up early, I could
already see Bruce. Miguel and you I still have not found."
− "There are a
few days in late March, early April, in which if you have patience, you will
see all our nine stars. Bruce, Miguel and I briefly at the beginning of the
twilight. Then, almost all night, Lucy, Luke and you, and the little star that
you now have in your arms –he smiled−. In the deepest hours of the night you
can already see Olivia; and almost at dawn, Mistress Oakes."
− "I will have to
spend a night without sleep, John. But I'll remember the date. I have learned
the drawings of all constellations of the south, the ones I was interested
about. But I cannot be sure. Perhaps with a second book −I said, reminding him
with diplomacy that we should have a conversation alone−, one which does not
speak so much of the sun, the moon or the planets, and does speak more of the
stars."
− "I think that I
have the book you're interested in: “Night
sky. Of how the gods became stars and planets." Come a second to my tent
and I lend you the book."
With a look of security I looked at Luke,
who made me a gesture as that he had understood. This conversation should not
be extended. I didn't want us to take too long and get very late to the street
and that he could not dine. And with him his family.
For a second time I entered his tent and it
was again a guardian of secrets. John went directly to the book that he was
looking for and put it in my hands. Night
sky was just an excuse, but I had something to say.
− "John, I want
to read it, I really want to read it, but I don't want you to give it to me
now. If I find a place to sleep tonight, then I will take it there. Now I have
to go with Luke to the landfill. And I don't want to be here a long time."
− "And also
Miguel would be jealous again."
− "Would Miguel be
jealous of me?"
− "Of any male
animal. But I can’t blame him for anything. I am worse. Since you came here in
August, we have frequently discussed because of you. He fears that I have
fallen in love with you now. And it is true that I have not fallen in love with
you, but..."
I looked at him with sincere curiosity.
− "That day of
August I was not completely honest with you, but you were very brave and I
dared not talk to you about certain things because I didn’t want to cause you
any pain. And I don't even know if now you’ll want to hear it."
− "I don't know
what you want to tell me, John. But now, if you don’t say it, I will be my whole
life with that doubt."
− "Miguel and I
can fall in love with someone else, and we spent months arguing, but we always
find that it is irrelevant because our love for each other remains. And after
all, we have come here to talk about Luke, isn't it? - I looked at him in a
shock. It was endless the chain of loves, reciprocated or not, arising from
this outskirt of torn love−. Well, I don't know if I was really in love with
Luke. But if it wasn't love, it was something very similar. Even though I
approached him frequently so that he didn’t talk to Miguel. Yes, Nike –he said confident
when he noticed that now I did understand−, Miguel fell in love with Luke just when
he arrived. And that night of the snake, before I found you, we were still arguing
about him. We cannot live without arguing, as you can see, but our love is not
lost for this reason."
− "Thank you,
John. As you can see, all of us men fall in love with Luke.
− "Bruce does not.
But also women love him. Luke is not adorable. But he is lovable. .With Lucy and you, now we are four."
− "Then everything is in its right place?"
− "It is
difficult to try to find out what is what Luke might know. But at least I can
say that he doesn’t know anything from me. Nor he knows anything from
Anne-Marie. I have often spoken with her about you and..."
−“Do you still find
she is wounded?"
− "All of this
has not been easy for her. But she really likes you, believe me. And after all,
you did the right thing. And Luke... it would be impossible to describe to you
how much he loves you or how well he always speaks of you, with authentic
feeling. And the same should be said of Lucy. You were quite right about them,
Nike. A great pleasure has been for me to rediscover my fellow mates and a huge
joy to talk to them seeing them without prejudice, through your eyes. Now I see
him generous, completely tender and a good friend of his friends. He spoke of
friendship with you and I really believe that you should not fear him, Nike. He
will not despise you when he knows what you're afraid he knows. Remember that he
respects Miguel and me and understands us."
− "I have no
doubt that he can understand the love of a man for another man, John. But I
don't know if he would have the same reaction just to know that one man is in
love with him. Anyway, today and every day, I have to respect him. Him and his
family. Friends anyway, far from whatever thing that makes him feel
uncomfortable."
−“I think that he
knows perfectly well the feelings we have had towards him, Miguel and I. Nothing
will be wrong, Nike. Or perhaps it is that now I see him able to move us with his
tenderness and the image that I have made up of him continues to grow. I
believe that one day Luke will surprise everyone with his beauty. And
meanwhile, don't fear him. He loves his friend Nike so much that he will never
leave you alone. Forgive me, but I have to ask... According to what he has told
us a while ago, you are going to go to the street. Are you sure, Nike? He will
love you just the same whether you stay here or you go back to your house."
− "It is two
months, John, since I am not able to call Deanforest my house. I could not say
before the others that I have lived in a real desert. The obstacle might not
only be Luke. Before seeing if I would be able to stay here, I have to know it
all. I will go to the street. And tomorrow I may know if my future will be
fruitful. But I can't spend another two months without seeing you."
− "I can’t allow
you to blame yourself of something that is false. Anne-Marie told us you were
here the terrible morning of September 26. Mistress Oakes had already predicted
it. Even your arrival."
− "Even my
arrival? How was it, John? You can’t imagine how much terror I felt not finding
you."
− "Mistress Oakes
prophesied what would happen the very day 24, when still the city was quiet and
nothing foreshadowed the awakening of winds that it would have the next day.
And on 25 all her uneasiness was about Olivia. She told us that if we spent
here that night something was going to happen to her girl. And you know that
the great ash tree fell that night on her tent. And those who know her know that
when she prophesies something we had better pay her attention. That afternoon I
went to Anne-Marie’s and begged her to let us spend the night there. All of us went.
And already inside, Mistress Oakes talked awhile with me, telling me:
"Nike won't find us." She could say nothing more despite my constant
questions, but I finally got clear that she insisted that you were already
there. It was 4 o'clock in the morning."
− "At that time I
was in your outskirt. May God bless her –and I urgently added−: John, let’s get
out now. Let’s not make Miguel more jealous. I have many more questions to ask
you, but we will now have the chance."
Just outside his tent, I saw that Luke had just
stood up. Miguel stared at me with obvious jealousy. He even asked me for the
book and I had to answer him that John already had lent it to me, but I needed
first to have a place where to put it. I don't know if this answer was enough,
but he said nothing. Luke was already next to me facing the index finger, where
we would go.
− "We had better jump
Menhir Bridge now –he said−. If we find a tent, it wouldn't very advisable to
cross it later with it on our shoulders."
So we were going to start there. My legs at
least were useful for me again. And once we crossed the bridge, we just had to
walk 50 meters to the south, where the landfill begins. They say that this city
has three; but I do not know the other two. I had been there in August and I
knew well that it extends from bridge to bridge, from Menhir Bridge to Meander
Bridge, along a narrow path towards which we were moving. To the east it is two
kilometers wide, but the landfill does not lick the lake. Looking from there its
bright mirror I had memories of the happy hours in the summer. I knew that now it
was not the time to desire its cold water. Even less it was the time to tread
the path which, free of rot, takes you from the lake back to the bridge. I
didn't turn my head to regard the menhir. I remembered my superstitious terror
of August and did not want to start the evening with a bad omen.
The steps we took were necessarily slow,
surveying what was seen on the nearby black shore and turning our eyes into glasses
to examine the inside in what our eyes would be unable to reach. Luke did not
give me much hope. To find a tent, he said, we should come here every day and
not give up. Meanwhile I looked what I could look. It is impossible to describe
to you the most wretched part of our misery. The color of objects in
decomposition does not always give you clues of what they were in their former life.
But in autumn the stench is somewhat more bearable. I had only gone there in
August, surrounding its foul-smelling ways, but did not enter. That’s why I
tell you, Protch, if you ever go to a landfill, don't go in the summer. But I
can assure you that we go there frequently in search of clothes and useful
things, but hardly to find food. We can degrade, but you must be desperate to
eat in its dining rooms. In a container there may be recent food thrown before
or shortly after that has expired its expiry date. In a landfill, food is
dangerous; you don't know how long it has been there. It is true that in recent
years I've gone once or twice looking for food, but if it is either garbage or
death, one prefers to choose what is at least recognizable. And I don't think
that you even know the taste of orange peels, which is always preferable to a
piece of meat in God knows what state of decomposition.
And in addition to the organic waste there
you can find it all. If we had had more time I would have had five or six books
that I would be interested in reading. And they caught my attention several electrical
appliances we found like moth-eaten corpses. I remember having seen five or six
washing machines and a couple of freezers. And furniture, Protch, which could
have given "the house" every kind of comfort. Although still there
were in it many personal belongings of Henry Shaw, and if it wasn’t filled with
more junk, it is because its space is essential so that there is more room for mattresses.
Finally we came to the meander. But it was
not the curvature of the river that made us stop. They were other rivers, those
of my eyes, that in a moment of the cruel afternoon found, startled, a bundle of
white skin, wound of almost black blood and thousands of worms inside
desecrating its mortal remains. It was next to the river somewhat away from the
landfill. It seemed to have been bitten lethally by some ferocious animal.
− "Luke −I
pointed out crying−... Tessa." −I didn’t feel strong enough to add
anything else.
− "So it was here
where it was −his eyes also were full of rain−. We have not come to the meander
recently. A bite, ow. Some wild animal is nearby, Nike; there may be a
scavenger that feeds of this rot. But don't fret. They usually do not reach the
camp –and as if saying goodbye to a loved one, for our white cat really was, he
added−. Rest in peace. Let’s get away from here, Nike."
We moved away to the east, by interior roads,
increasingly more surrounded by authentic misery. And already almost in the east,
I saw something which resembled a much wrinkled tent. I pointed it out to Luke,
who spent a few seconds feeling it.
− "I don’t know
what to say, Nike, but it seems to me fairly small. I would like to find some
more decent place for you. We shall continue looking. We still have time."
We still had time? It was already nearly
five o'clock. I was worried about the time and suffered for him. My own hunger did
not worry me yet. But as far as Luke had told me, after spending all morning in
the street, he had not brought much to his wife. And to his son? Would we be
able to bring anything to the little king? And I was sure that the last thing I
wanted then was to spend that night in Deanforest. Perhaps "the house"
would be a more worthy alternative ending, but only it would delay a day what I
wanted: that all might say that in the camp there were now six tents, that
there was also Nike’s tent. I followed him however reluctantly to the northeast
end, almost by the lake. And its serene mirror made me remember that I wanted
to walk up there every day and for that I should first find my own place to
sleep. And I protested.
− "Luke –I
insisted−, time is upon us. And indeed, my brother, the last thing I want is
really to sleep this evening again in Newchapel. What happened to that tent? If
you look at it, I think there is enough room for me. I don't even remember that
it had any cracks. Just it was colorless and full of wrinkles, for who could
tell how long it has been there. And it was on a small mound something away
from the garbage. I wouldn’t even have to wash it first. It won't have any
smell. Let's go back to fetch it, please."
And I should have been so persuasive that he
fortunately accepted, and we turned our steps. To be the first time that I
walked down there, it was I who guided him. I reached the mound where it lay
well oriented and without difficulty. We took it and I saw that, although we
would still have to mount it to know it, in it there was room for two people
without much difficulty. It was a poor, small, colorless tent, the others
called it always the miserable tent, but it was also known as Nike’s tent.
We didn't want to meet again the corpse of
Tessa and we returned taking a detour to Menhir Bridge. Well, we had already
achieved the first objective: I already had a tent. But we continued inspecting
the landfill for I fell into the account that I did not have anything to cover
me. I imagined that the autumn would be cold. I recalled the cold of the nights
of summer. It could now be like knives. Luke must be thinking the same thing
because he told me that that night he would bring me a couple of blankets, for
Lucy and he had plenty. When I asked about Paul, he reminded me that he had his
own cradle, and he was sufficiently sheltered. Anyway, my eyes, which remained looking
at the landfill, stared at it with irony when I perceived, of all things, a
frayed sheep skin coat. Of an indecipherable color, ochre perhaps, it was not
very good to dress on the street, but if it could be good to wrap yourself in
it before going to sleep.
− "A sheep skin
coat –I told Luke with a mocking grin− I know it well. It is still part of my
heritage. And for what I can see from here I would say that it is sufficiently
warm and comfortable enough to dress on a chilly night. I'll take it
also."
Sheep skin. Nike had endeavoured to seek his
own Golden Fleece that afternoon so that night he could already be next to the
Argonauts. The symbolism of the fleece sometimes suggests the sun or new wheat.
Golden was its warp and frayed and faded, his stellar navigation was, in a
single day, along several constellations, as if he was in a hurry to travel in
them all. And returning by Menhir Bridge to the ash trees, he was now ready to
spend the cold night peacefully under the cloak of Aries.
I wouldn't be even without a threshold
stone. Surprisingly, next to the coat we also found a flattened rock, still
covered with dust and yellowish, which Luke, with a smile, said that it could
be the lobby where I received my guests. But we had to jump the bridge. I was
wearing the tent and Luke the rock. We decided that I jumped first; he would throw
me later the tent and the rock and next he would jump. Everything was carried
out without risk or damage.
We were again in the camp. And now we had to
find a place to install it. Luke suggested a space between trees perfumed of
shadows, on the south between his tent and Miguel and John’s. Close to Lucy and
Luke’s tent was not the place I would have chosen, but it was an aromatic
corner, I had no desire to argue with him, and besides, what could I have told
him?, and I was in a hurry. I remembered some camp in my youth and it would not
be difficult to mount the tent. I would not even need Luke’s help, who,
however, was beside me ready to lend a hand. If some day it had an overlay,
that day we found none. It was what is known as a dome tent. He had not brought
anything to hold it, but Luke went to his tent a second and brought a few
stakes to tighten its ropes. Finally it was not more than ten minutes and once
it was mounted I wanted to enter to see the breadth and recognize the odors and
the color of my new house. There was enough room for me, and even somebody
could spend the night without any discomfort beside me. It actually had no cracks
and there was no scent of garbage. I put the sheep-skin coat in, and a few
seconds later came John with Night sky.
My new property was getting full. Luke placed the rock skillfully outside; in
such a way that it really seemed a hall. And he looked at me, wanting to know if
I wished to continue with the next stage.
But he suggested that we all sat in a
circle, this time next to my new tent, which all of them wanted to examine
carefully. I invited Olivia and Lucy to occupy the threshold. The latter handed
Paul some minutes to his father, so he slept awhile in his arms. Luke knew him
well and was briefly flattering and pretending that he was going to bite his
fingers. The little king laughed and decided to sleep again, but not before
looking at me to make sure that I had not gone again. I looked at both
tenderly. So Jupiter must play with his children.
And sometimes God-Fate has played
atrociously with His creatures and has led then to hard tests, impossible to
understand. But when you mandate comes, o Abram, what will you do with your
child? Will you be able to comprehend that so many times human being has no other choice than disobey him, if the
child knows the folly of the father? What will you do one day, Luke Abram, if
fate placed you in front of the fierce temptation to deliver him? Sleep quiet,
Paul, since your father has called you Regulus and never Isaac, and all eyes
looking at you are friendly eyes. O afternoon light, set for these nine characters
a laurel wreath.
I still believed that there would be a
bonfire at sunset and didn't understand Luke’s need to waste more time. But he
sat down again, as if he knew something I didn't know and understood my need to
speak with everyone again in case at night I could not. After the inspection,
Lucy began the conversation.
− "It isn't bad,
Nike. You already have your hut” –she said joyfully.
− "Luke did not
believe that it was worthy for me, but finally I convinced him –and I also had
to say something that was worrying me. The difficulty was to find the right
words−. So I have a tent where to sleep whenever I want. But I wonder... it is
perhaps a silly thing to say, but I would like to be sure, really, that for you
my presence here is not annoying."
− "Look everyone
in the eyes, Nike −invited me Mistress Oakes−, and read in them the story you've
written. I know how you feel, but we also need you. Don't have any fear about
that. Your heart has bled so much here that we can no longer live without your
blood −and as if everybody shared a secret which I will take long to know, she
added−. And don’t feel alone when you return. You are already for us a fire and
there will be other bonfires."
I didn't understand all the words, but I
thanked them. Everyone looked at me sympathetically, knowing what I would now
have to face. I looked at Luke, waiting for a signal, unsure I would be able to
notice it when it was made. But we were not going. Olivia deflected the
conversation toward books and I briefly named the four or five books I had read
in August and September. I even mentioned some I had seen in the landfill. One
other day, I promised, I would pick them up. I was sure of having found the
ghost of Hamlet.
− "But I have
read your Alice, Olivia, and I really liked her so much that we could talk
about her one day as if she were a daughter we had in common."
− "I won't say no to sharing a family
with you, Nike."
I was going to answer when I finally saw an
unmistakable flash, a trapped light, which twinkled free in Luke’s eyes. It was
nearly six o'clock; the time had come. I suddenly stood up not knowing just
what parting words to use. Only a few tearful murmurs and a sobbing "see
you soon". The clouds in that light were an unmistakable foreshadowing of
inevitable rain for some time before the stars. Luke waited at my side with no
hurry noticing how I sniffed the humidity to have, barely, a forecast of
cloudless sky or drizzle; and I prepared myself as best I could for the one I
knew as imminent battle. No one dared to speak and only Luke asked me shyly if
it wouldn't be better to go out with a couple of umbrellas, because he had
three and could lend me one. But it was not clear that it was going to rain and
to walk without rain with an umbrella is weary and sometimes ridiculous. So finally
we didn’t take them. And when at last we were far from the others, he asked me
again:
− "I know you
don't want me to ask you this again, but before leaving, I have to make sure
you have no doubts. Are you sure you want to come, Nike? Say a word and we will
stay here."
− "Let’s go,
Luke. I am determined."
And although I love you deeply, this
afternoon I have to forget my passion if, next to you, there are more essential
things; and I'm not here because of love. You taught me that liking is more
important. Tonight it is only the time for this wandering star to
finally find a place in the skies to settle, and to join your constellation in
the skies, first my feet have to tread, with ease or exhausted the fatiguing land
of your streets.
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