CHAPTER XLIV: CLARITY

   Doctors had fulfilled their obligations. He was in the operating room more than one hour, but to us, in a large waiting room, it was like two hours. At this distressing time, it was all tears and memories and the three women evoked in tears those years when they were four and with Bruce they had felt they were protected, first gentleman and shield before the rough times of the future. My first mate was absent-minded, as if she could not remove the burden of guilt for what had happened. At a time when she stood up I went towards her. Something inside her told me that she wanted us to speak, and I should call her by her name. It is difficult to explain that it was a call, it was not clairvoyance.

− "Madeleine – I called her thus for the first time-, would you like us to talk?"

− "We have been here for almost an hour. All of us try to avoid the damn word, and blindly hope for his recovery. But I also have a different burden: I cannot help feeling guilty."

− "You have no guilt to lie on your shoulders. You are innocent, my mate. You don't write our fate. You only see it. You're not responsible for what has happened. Calm down."

− "You're right, Nike. I do not write fate, but I can't help but feel responsible. I hope that in this battle, your wife is right and I am wrong. Because one day you could even blame me. Remember that later it will be Luke’s turn."

− "I would be a bastard if I ever did something like this. I will trust Lucy. But you have nothing to do. It must be a terrible responsibility to look. If, as you say, I can also see, I don't want to do it. Embrace me, my mate. I don't believe in anything. But now I will even pray."

− "We all shall pray. And thanks, Nike. You have helped me in this difficult moment. You know I needed you."

   Somewhat calmer I did notice her when we went back to sit. My seat was next to that of my wife and, after a few minutes, she said this to me:

− "I can't tell you, my heart, why I'm so sure. His fate is linked to that of Luke, but I think that the worst moment has already ended. They say that doctor Farr is a most eminent doctor, one of the best surgeons not only of this hospital, but in the country. Mistress Oakes was right and something was going to happen. But if you remember the exact words of her prophecy, she saw that the black birds had in their sacks something unpleasant, and a heart attack is unpleasant. Only when she was talking about herself, she mentioned the word death. But not with Bruce, or with Luke. I don't know how to explain it, but I think that the former has returned from death."

   Her words somehow calmed me, but just as she finished, doctor Farr came. He gave us some explanations that I still remember because he saw that he was talking to six beggars, and as I feared that he would believe we were illiterate, I memorized his explanation and his words as if it were a test and the doctor could at any time ask us if we had understood. Bruce was ok, and that was the only important thing. It seemed that he was miraculously well, because there was a time when he was clinically dead, but after arduous efforts they had managed to revive him - if he were not a scientist he would have said returned to life. He had suffered, I still remember, stenosis of the mitral valve, i.e. a narrowing that prevented blood to reach normally from the left atrium to the left ventricle. They had made him a valvuloplasty. I understood that they had placed an artificial valve, titanium, instead of the deteriorated and unrecoverable mitral. He should take blood thinners. Anyway, he was going to spend the night for observation. It was absurd to then remain there. But I had phoned Anne-Marie, Richard, James and Samuel and just then came almost at the same time the first three.

   Anne-Marie embraced us all affectionately, not just John and me.

− "When you phoned me, Nike, I was really worried. I have known him for years, but you have made me love them all. How is he?"

   I told her as best I could, and then I also informed Richard.

− "Of course, Nike, I had to come to see how your fellow mate was. Remember that I met him the day I visited you in your outskirt. By the way, send him regards from my wife and my father. I hope I return home with good news."

  When they were informed, we all sat down, and then James came. A brief time of conversation and he told us all.

− "It is not time – he said – to respect some codes that I don't even know. But tonight and the following nights in your outskirt, everything will remind you of him and you will spend the day crying. My house, on the other hand, will not bring you memories and is closer to the hospital. But I have to say something more. Bruce has suffered a heart attack. Thank God, everything seems to have been ok, and when you can, you will want to visit him. But at the moment, hygiene is fundamental. In my house you cannot only sleep these days, but have a thorough shower, and if you give one step further, you could even have brand new clean clothes."

   We knew that he was right, but as for brand new clothes... we agreed to use them as long as Bruce remained in hospital, but later we will give them back to him.

   But before leaving the hospital, we had to solve a small issue. Everyone wanted to see him, and we decided, in addition, to spend each one night there, starting from the next day, when we assumed that he would be moved to a room. But Lucy then argued rightly that visiting hours coincided with her working hours.

   Do not believe that our chronological order is categorical. Only in cases like a heart attack that we all wanted to spend the night with Bruce we were stricter, but always we could have some exceptions. We agreed that Lucy would spend Sunday night in the hospital, Mistress Oakes on Monday, Olivia on Tuesday, John on Wednesday, Luke on Thursday and I finally would spend the night there on Friday 7. As for me, I will surely name you always Lucy before Luke, as it is the general chronological order. But I fell in love with Luke first and then with Lucy, and if I name him before her sometimes, I am not mistaken, because I'll be respecting my particular chronological order. And so, as you can see, whatever it is, I am right.

   James’ house, which we already knew, was bright and spacious and it was really clean and tidy. It had two rooms with two beds and one with a single bed which was rarely used as a guest room and had also been Luke’s room. After a small discussion with me, he wanted to sleep there; I was sleeping on the couch, with Paul’s cradle at my side. In the small room every night would sleep the two members of the Three whose turn it was, that night Lucy and Luke: and next day, as Lucy would spend the night in the hospital and it was the turn for Luke and me, we would take care of Paul at the same time. In another room, Mistress Oakes and Olivia would sleep and in the third one James and John. 

   But Paul was not used to sleeping in four walls and it was difficult for him to fall asleep. At 2 I was trying to make him sleep when I saw that James Prancitt had got up. Later I knew that it was a habit he had to get up early in the morning to eat something. Seeing I was awake, he came to me.

− "Nike – he told me-, since I see you are awake, I wanted to talk with you or Lucy alone. You see, surely you were right when you told me that my brother wanted to show me his independence. Luke loves me and he knows little more than one year ago he had my respect when he told me that he was going to live in the street and a month ago when he told me that he was going to live with a woman and a man and that he will have two children..."

− "What is worrying you, James?"

− "First let me assure you that I like Lucy and you a lot and I want to be, rather than a relative, a true friend. You see – he sighed-, if I have understood your Three, one of you sleeps always alone, taking care of Paul. Now it's a child; soon they could be two children. And I have a home. Lucy and Olivia have a key. I will make more copies to Mistress Oakes, John, Bruce, who will undoubtedly improve, and Miguel when he returns. That whose turn it is every night to sleep alone taking care of Paul, instead of inside a small tent in bad weather, could come to my house to sleep. It is not far away and no matter if I'm home or not. Open the door and enter. Do you think it is nonsense what I am telling you, Nike?"

− No, James. It seems very sensible to me. We can, but our children should not sleep on the street. They can spend all day in our outskirt, but then come to sleep here. Lucy, Luke and I are responsible of not having spoken about it yet, but it was clear that we should talk about it. I will talk about this with them, but at least you know that one of the three agrees with you. Thank you, James."

   I had slept very little when James woke me up. Breakfast was ready and we had it all together. I had John opposite and an idea occurred to me. But I kept it for myself. It was Sunday and it was me and Luke out again. We had an unfortunate day, but we knew that we would return to sleep at James’ and that there would be enough to eat. We spent the day talking about Bruce and before going to the hospital at 7, I told him what his brother had suggested.

− "Okay, Nike. I know that he is right. I'd like to show him that I am able to live my life without his help, but he loves us. In all that I have lived this year there can be a lot of madness, but well lived it is, but I need some of his sanity. He is my brother, I love him and I will compromise. We will talk with Lucy, but I think that we all agree with James."

   In the hospital, we saw one another again. Bruce was sleeping and had not spoken yet, but he breathed calmly. After two hours, Lucy suggested we could leave, for she would spend the night with him. With Paul in my arms, we returned to James’ house.

   That night I would sleep with Luke, both taking care of Paul. But it was all kisses and hugs and little more, not because we were at James’ house, but because it was all talking about Bruce, about the experiences that we've had with him. Luke told me that last night with Lucy had been similar.

 − "This was, in recent years, my room. And in one of the last occasions I came here - he said angrily – it was to pick up clothes, stickers, books or pamphlets, or anything that reminded me of that bald and dark time. In the kitchen chimney I burned everything."

   I understood what he felt and made no comments.

   Lucy arrived at 6 in the morning. We woke up to talk to her before Luke was leaving with me towards the Thuban, both to work. I told Lucy what James had suggested to us and she also agreed, and since that day one of the three slept there and kept James company. Only then Lucy told us that Bruce finally had spoken. It was about 2 in the morning. He knew where he was and with whom. Lucy was then awake.

− "Lucy – he said with some difficulty. He could barely speak, but he looked at her with affection-, thank you for..."

− "Do not get tired, Bruce. It is a pleasure to be here with you."

He seemed to be sleeping but after ten minutes, he spoke again.

− "I would not have been a good man for you. We have never discussed this, but after what has just happened to me, I feel that I come back to life, and that there are issues that are important we should talk about. It was fate. I should not reciprocate you so one day you could meet Luke and Nike, two gorgeous men, and to start with them a moving family."

    Lucy then burst into tears but overcame it. It was very important to answer.

− "Dear Bruce. Your words only show me that my heart was very intelligent falling in love with you and I did not suffer because I saw you every day and had your friendship. It is a pleasure to have loved you. Recover now, my dear mate. You have to be with us every day and live for many years."

   She told us how Bruce felt that this was what had to happen to him and that he was already safe and she told us that he would tell us why, but he did not fear death now.

   All our fellow mates were telling us something. Bruce was huge. He knew which words he had to say to each of us.

   Finished that coffee with our wife, Luke and I left too early. Even if I tried, I could not tell you how strange it was to walk with Luke to Avalon Road. He told me that he wanted to arrive early so that Richard could explain to him where everything was, the prices for everything or how the coffee machine worked. And rather than walk, we were running. We had had both a thorough shower at James’ because Luke still did not have a key to the showers. The dirty beggar in his tale was now the clean beggar. But it was the same usual Luke.

   Once we reached the Thuban, we both stopped before the stained glass to see Castor and Pollux, amazed at the idea that we were now six, and looking forward to being eight again. Richard was already at the bar. He welcomed his new waiter with a smile. Without anybody having arrived yet, he was explaining to Luke everything he had to learn, and me at the same time, for I was paying much attention, and wanted to know it all for the day I would be working on the ground floor too. And as there was no one yet, I dared even to enter the bar and make my coffee. It was not like the one which Richard prepared every morning but it had a good taste and I drank it. Patience: I would have time to learn.

− "Take good care of him for me, Richard." -I told him when I went to that which was still my job.

   I was able to concentrate fully on my daily tasks, getting my mind not to stray, knowing that the reward would be going down to the bar and seeing Luke there. When I went down there were few people and I could greet him with "Hello, my love", even though he and I had agreed that for everyone we were just friends. They all saw me now as the beggar who had given up everything, and Luke was a mate who with the acquiescence of Richard and Samuel Weissmann I had managed to set up in the bar.

− "I will have a coffee. Luke. Sure that it will have a better taste than the one I prepared this morning."

− "He is an excellent waiter, Nike – Richard told me-. I don't have to teach him anything. And it is quite obvious that he has some experience. Only a small quarrel with Walter Hope, who did not seem to like his whisky and Luke had to give him a new one. And, if that wasn't enough, he is great as a person."

− "You will make me blush, Richard."

   You could see good humour between them. I was going to say something but then came Samuel Weissmann. After greeting us all, he asked Luke for coffee and said:

− "Luke, you're an excellent acquisition for the Thuban. I hope that Richard agrees with me. Take the keys to the showers."

   Richard said that he was very happy with his new waiter. And calling him boss Mr. Weissmann objected to this.

− "Call me Samuel, Richard. All friends of Luke’s and Nike’s should call me thus.

   But Samuel still had something to say, after asking how Bruce was.

− "I have not wanted to go yet. He hardly knows me and I assumed that he would not like having many people visiting him, but of course I have to visit a friend of Luke’s and Nike’s and know about his health."

   We answered him every day we were going to the hospital at 7, and he could then go. Luke, as our wife, was then on probation period and he had then shorter hours. At noon he left and as it was an odd day, he went to the streets. As for me, once I finished work, I went to James’ and took care of Paul. The afternoon was short for me because then came John. We sat down for a coffee and I told him:

− "I don’t see you happy, John. What’s the matter?"

− "You know that yesterday Anne-Marie brought me a letter from Miguel to the hospital. His father died on November 30, and it seems that his uncle Mark, his twin brother, died two hours earlier. Finally they were born and died the same day. Miguel stays longer accompanying his mother, whose health is poor. It's hard for me not to be able to accompany him with my love at this difficult time. But perhaps our love affair is ending. At least he has lasted me more than Mthandeni."

− "Mthandeni?"

− "My first love, when we were teenagers. We lived two years in Maseru. I could have told you about him that night when I wanted to tell so many things to my workmate then in the Thuban Star."

− "I am sorry, John. You know that then I was an idiot. But now you can count on my respect. Anyway, I suggest one thing. Tomorrow is an even day. It will not be the first time that I am alone in the street. But now that you are alone too, on even days we could go together. Look, when I finish work I can go anywhere you tell and meet you and you can speak to me about Mthandeni and Miguel."

   He found it a good idea and we agreed that when I finished work we would meet at St Mary.

   But at 7 o'clock we left to the Philip Rage. When I saw Samuel there I introduced him to everybody but Lucy, who was working. He had suitable words for all. When he greeted John, he said:

− "I have wanted to know you for years, Mr. Richmonds. Your story is yet told in the Thuban in a legendary way. It is a pleasure to know you."

− "For me too, Mr. Weissmann."

− "Samuel, please."

− "Samuel, I suppose you know that I am Harold Blessing’s nephew. I do not think he talks too much about me and if he does it will be to curse me."

− "He doesn’t - perhaps he wanted to add something else, but he didn't-, but to tell you the truth, he and I don't talk much. I don't know much about him either."

   Mistress Oakes, who was in room 411, where Bruce was, invited Samuel in, telling him that Bruce was awake and knowing of his visit he had wanted to see him.

   He was half an hour inside and when he came out, he told me he wanted to invite me to a coffee. In the cafeteria he told me.

− "Norman Wrathfall and Walter Hope... He has told me since I was surprised at the funeral of his grandfather; he was going to tell me something that only Mistress Oakes and you know. I was moved when I have known the life he has and the life he could have lived, just as that arrogant man, his brother."

-"You don’t like him too much, do you?"

− "Now I understand that I've been stupid, Nike. I've wasted my life surrounded by Harold Blessings and Norman Wrathfalls and I have neglected their fruitful sprouts, Bruce and John Richmonds or people like Luke and you, who have so many things to teach me."

− "Do you really think we have things to teach you?"

− "Nike, the time has not come yet to tell you my conversation with your love and mate Luke. But I knew that I want people like him to accompany me in life. Or people like you. I still know little about you. I'm going to take hours to get to know you, to know you all better. That is why I need your permission to go to your outskirt when you're back."

− "You know that you can come and see us whenever you want, Sam."

− "And one more thing. Mistress Oakes has impressed me enough. We talked a little, but she seems to know that I will be a regular friend. Look, Nike, I still feel chills. And your fellow mate Olivia is really pretty. I don't know your wife yet, but if she looks like her mother, she must be extraordinary. Send my regards to Lucy."

    We returned with my fellow mates. Samuel was with us half an hour more. Anne-Marie, Richard, Samuel, and James’ visits were constant from that day. The six others entered and were talking about something with Bruce, who was quite glad to see us all, and we were glad of his aspect. We didn't want to tire him out. Mistress Oakes stayed with him and the others went back to Knightsbridge Street.

   When Lucy finally came, she started to talk to Luke and James, who talked again every day as good brothers. I was very curious to know how her first day at work had been, but waited, because I knew that tonight she would sleep with me and would tell me. And indeed, when in bed she told me.

− "I could not name you, my heart. Mrs. Cohen would not have understood me - and when I assured her that I agreed and that it should remain so, she continued-. It was not a busy day to be now near Christmas time, and Mrs. Cohen is satisfied. We had even some time to talk. Somehow she feels like a mother who wants to protect me and is very curious. It is sincere interest for me; she is not a nosy woman. She already knows that I was born in the street and that I have spent a lifetime here. But I cannot tell her the whole truth. So I told her that I met Luke Prancitt, who I fell in love with and married, we had a son and he is a waiter and as long as we can’t afford to buy a house, we live in his brother’s house in Knightsbridge Street."

   I nodded to everything she said and I wanted to meet Amanda Cohen, but I understood that I could betray my love for Lucy and at that moment it was better to leave things as they were. With her, as the previous day, it was a placid evening which we spent talking about Bruce. In our outskirt we were fire, here we were flames, but what beauty to burn in the same light.

   Night ended soon as the short time of a southern constellation. James and I spoke again at breakfast. With him I started to know some anecdotes of the child Luke and I promised James that I would find some time, now that we were in his house, to tell him the tale his brother had told me. He was the second person after Lucy and later still in Knightsbridge Street, Olivia. Before anyone else, the members of my family should know.

   Nothing to tell you of that morning. After that time, I met John at St Mary's. I wanted him to speak to me about Mthandeni and Miguel. But before anything he asked me:

− "Nike, are you happy?"

− "I should ask you, John. In your eyes you've got my answer."

− "Then you are."-he said smiling

− "Life takes you sometimes to unexpected ways, and a light in the background tells you that, and no other, is your true path. But, John, I believed that we were going to talk about Mthandeni or Miguel. I don't want to make it again a monologue about my life and if years ago I did not listen to you, today I am ready to do so."

− "Nike, we can talk even about what is happening now. This morning, for example, I lost another tooth."

− "You should have your teeth examined."

− "I want to be like them, Nike, and avoid the temptation. If the same happened to them, they would have to continue toothless. It is difficult to live by their side and have still so much money. That happens to you too, isn't it?"

− "Damn money, yes, only with you I dare have this conversation. John, you all know that I've been recently in my country, but none of you knows what for. I would like to tell you. But, please, when I finish, let's talk about you."

   He agreed and I was talking to him about the real deal that had led me to Siddeley Priory and made me leave my estate.

− "Except the photographs of my parents and the clothes covering me - I concluded - I took nothing more from Siddeley Priory. And yet I fear even getting rid of what I still have."

− "Or use it. Yes, Nike, it is very natural in our circumstances. Give yourself time."

− "Tell me about Mthandeni." - I told him to change the conversation.

− "My path, Nike, has been full of challenges. My second love was a beggar. As for the first... only I could fall in love with a black man in the South Africa of Apartheid."

   He was telling me the story that you know. The flight to Lesotho, two years of two teenagers in Maseru working in what they could and as a cloud in the sky of that love affair, his Uncle Harold who finds him, "rescues" him and brings him to this country.

− "At least he let me write him a note where I explained to him what had happened to me. Since then, although I do not love him anymore, there is no day that I don't think about him, I think how he might have lived or survived in a racist country, if he went to another place, if he has rebuilt his life with another partner, if he still remembers me..."

    Just then he began to cry. And as I didn't know what to say, I hugged him, while we were being rained some currency. At St Mary the drought is usually greater than in the Basilica, but that afternoon we had good irrigation, without being a flood.

− "John, I will come with you also on Thursday. You can then talk to me about Miguel. This afternoon focus on your first love. But Miguel... a question that I almost don't dare to ask. Yesterday you were speaking of him as if it were a past story..."

− No, Nike. I still love him. It is this damned jealousy. Something tells me that Miguel continues to think of me and now, more than ever, he needs me. Jealousy makes you be unfair. I know that he does not feel love for his cousin Brenda Dolores. Nothing in his letters indicates it. But a jealous man like me is thus. Maybe on Thursday I tell you otherwise."

   The afternoon was going and I don't know if I was able to comfort him with my ears, my words or my hugs, but after a good day we went back home, I mean to James’ home.

   I've debated with myself long if I must tell you something of Bruce’s talks, but in the end I decided that I can, because they are not a secret. Not only all of them were telling me what they had spoken with him but rather my own fellow mate told me when at last Friday came and I spent the night at his side. I want you to know a little better the man who often visits you.

   On Monday night, Mistress Oakes was sleepy when Bruce took her out of her dream.

− "Maddie - and noticing she was awake he continued-... you know that they were my father’s last words. Joe made a great mistake, wasted his life not marrying you."

− "Dear Bruce, do not say that."

− "I've always loved my mother passionately, but you would have been a great mother too."

− "You would not have been the same, my dear fellow mate Bruce whom I love so much."

− "I am not either very handsome or very intelligent, unless I have something of my second mother".

− "I'm not very sure about that, Bruce. And as a child I have always loved you."

− "Forget the prophecy, my dear fellow mate. Do not suffer more because of it. This is the test that I had to go through. I know now I have enough years yet to live."

   On Tuesday night he would surprise Olivia when she was distracted looking out of the window.

− "It has all been for good. I would not have made you happy. We have never spoken about this, Olivia, but it is important to come back to life to say thank you because you've always liked me."

− "Forgive me, Bruce, I have never reciprocated you." -She said in sobs.

− "I have always enjoyed your friendship. I have been and I am very happy, Olivia. And you are happy too. You'll see it one day when you think about it. With that "Wolf" of your husband you would never have been happy. Your family has been your daughter and now look at the family you have: two great men that support you and two grandchildren to take care of."

− "Two?"

   But rather than answer her, he winked and said.

− “By the way, Kirsten sent me regards for you and the errand to tell you that she will soon be at your side again."

   Olivia then broke down in tears, approached Bruce and they spent some minutes embraced.

   On Thursday I would return to the street with John and he did tell me about Miguel, their crisis and their unwavering love. Beside him hunger was light corridors and cold was music. I knew much of their story, and on successive days he was telling me everything. That day he also told me a part of what he had spoken with Bruce.

− "John – he would tell me – you have always been a wonderful fellow mate. I don't know if you've noticed my breath or I have disappointed you."

− "Disappointed me? You took me back to life, my dear fellow mate. I don't know if you remember my first conversation with you, that morning of January 26 when I had your respect. Out of Miguel, no man hitherto had shown me."

− "By that time Miguel and I began to get out of a time of absurd jealousy. But in his face, I saw how much he loves you - and he insisted-. He loves you, John. He will return."

   That night it was Luke’s turn to spend the night in the hospital. The days were quiet for my wife and my husband in their jobs. Both Amanda Cohen and Richard were showing themselves as nice and affectionate bosses. But to do them justice, it should not be forgotten that both Luke and Lucy deserved it.

   On Friday it was finally my turn to spend the night with Bruce. But before entering his room, Luke would tell me what the night with him had been like.

− "Luke – said Bruce-, how are Lucy and Nike?"

− "Rather, my dear fellow mate, it should be me who must take care of you and ask you how you are."

− "I will be out of this soon, Luke. And have faith. Nothing irreparable has happened and nothing will happen to you either."

− "I will have time to think about the second part of the prophecy. Now I assure you that my only concern is you."

− "Now I feel what your wife feels. You'll have time to see how your family begins, to educate your children, to watch them grow and love them. I know that I'm going to live. Now I only wish I could tell you the same security. And you will not go. Neither Lucy nor Nike will allow it."

− "If that moment has to come, it will come. We all have to leave sooner or later. It is not that which I fear most."

− "Forget your past, my dear fellow mate. You will never make the same mistakes again. That worries you, isn't it?"

− "It is awful to think that the son of a bitch Luke might return, or to think that my children might make the same mistake."

− "Your children will have the guide of three magnificent hearts and they will not make mistakes. Neither will you. All those who have been lucky enough to meet you know that. It is time that you trust in yourself. Oh, and I know it. Your Three will soon be five. And also talk to your brother. He is another wonderful heart that loves us all. If you ever doubt yourself, talk to him. "

  But it finally was my turn to spend the night with him. Bruce was a quiet patient and he was ok with not having left his bed except to go to the toilet, what he did with much difficulty. And doctors, he complained, had banned smoking. And he didn’t smoke for almost a year. Or at least nobody saw him lighting a cigarette. But next November I saw he was smoking again, but no one told him anything. It is thus that in his frequent visits to Deanforest you have seen him smoking always. I noticed also something different on him, until he told me that the nurses had wanted to wash him, to which he was opposed, and although it took him an hour he had a thorough shower and now he was going to do it every week. In fact he had just had a shower. So, for different reasons, there were no dirty beggars that December.

  I was distracted reading a magazine that was out there, when his voice startled me:

− "Nike - he said-, do not be afraid about Luke. Nothing will happen to him."

− "At the moment - I replied as Luke - my only concern is you."

− "I don't know how long I will be in this bed. But I will survive. I know. I've seen the light."

− "The light?

− "The light at the end of the tunnel. I mentioned this to a doctor, and he told me that it is quite common that people tell him that. I'm not the only one, as you can see. But all of those patients have returned healed to their homes. Do you want me to tell you?"

− "I'm skeptical, Bruce. But of course I want to listen to you."

− "More skeptical men have gone through the same thing, they usually tell me, and they leave hospital transformed."

    And the story he began to tell me would not change my beliefs, if I had any, but I heard him in a respectful silence and envied the calm that permeated throughout the story.

− "It all started in the operating room. I was not aware of anything until I heard surgeons say "we have lost him". I guess I knew then that I was dead, but I watched how they tried to revive me. And it is curious that being aware that I was dead, I watched everything like one who is watching a film, with a tremendous serenity. I saw myself with open chest and looked interested. And suddenly I started to rise. I watched from above, I had been made two. They were a few minutes which on Earth I would have felt vertigo. Suddenly, I was no longer in the operating room. I watched the outside of the hospital. I continued to rise and watched this room I am now as if something told me that it was to be my next abode. It is curious how vivid memory is and how you seem to notice unimportant details. Three bedrooms above, I guess it was room 711, there was a chewing gum stuck to the window."

   His story continued, but I must say that in my disbelief, I was worried about that trivial and unimportant detail. I knew that Bruce had not left his room and could not have seen it in person. In the end, that same night, I had to go up to room 711. I was lucky and there was no one there at that time. Its occupants would be in the toilet or walking. I was in just a second. Enough to see that there was indeed an old chewing gum, sticky and of indeterminate color, stuck on the glass. But could it be that no one had cleaned that window? Or it was simply there so Bruce watched it, and I saw it later.

− "Then I found myself walking, I would say levitating, along a corridor with dim light in which there was a great clarity in the background."

   Bruce recalled a dark nebula. Light, muffled, was not sinister. But they were resplendent rays at the end of the tunnel.

− "I asked the doctors. In fact I was only dead less than a minute, but the perception of time varies in this tunnel. I would say that I went through it in what here we would say ten minutes, closer and closer to the great opening of light that you could see on the bottom. I could not describe to you how this light is, it is abundance of white clarity of a white I have not ever seen; it is calm that annihilates the past fears. But just before I got there I began to see images of the movie of my life. They were frames, and were not always the most important ones. With my father cutting a trunk to light a bonfire one night of a weekend we went camping, my mother reading me the story of Puss in Boots – I loved that story-, and even you were there, Nike, with me swimming in the lake inside. I could perceive some silhouettes as I was walking down the corridor, which became clear when at last I arrived at what here we would call the door. There were two friends who I lost in infancy; my parents who smiled me inviting me to meet all again someday; all my grandparents, the four of them, Nike, even the old Norman that at last recognized me and looked at me with an infinite tenderness. I also saw a blonde, young, beautiful, woman who I had not ever seen and who, however, I recognized at once: Kirsten Rivers, who told me to kiss her sister and spend more hours with her. For a second I wondered how I could do it if I was dead, wasn’t I? It was then that I saw, Miranda Sullivan, more beautiful than ever, who tenderly told me to go back, because my time had not yet come. And I remember nothing else until I woke up several hours later in this bed."

− "It is very beautiful, Bruce. I'm moved."

− "Nike, I don't know if I've seen a reality to which everyone will go when the time comes, or everything is an illusion of an already dying mind. But it’s the same to me. Another life or the end of everything, death is peace, white light, calm, clarity. I do not fear death anymore. And somehow I feel that I still have a lot of time."

− "Amen, Bruce, may you be with us for many years, dear friend. I don't know what to believe, but now I swear that your experience has transmitted me calm, peace, clarity..."

   Clarity. Just like him, a powerful light flooded me. Whether it was that we went to a second life or it was just the product of my imagination, I knew that Mr. Siddeley had no raison d ' être. I wanted that if at some point death reached me, I could say that I had lived. I remembered the last temptations of staying comfortably at Siddeley Priory. If I had, I would not have been able to use my Chevrolet to take Bruce to hospital and seconds in his case were vital. Someday I would know of his death and I would die inside. Now, close to having nothing, I had Freedom, Beauty, Happiness, Friendship and Love, since then my five sacred words. The beggar of two months felt comfortable in his rags. I didn't need anything else.

   The next day, in the morning, before walking the streets again with Lucy, I went to Deanforest to meet Agnes Moore. I told her that on Monday I would speak with Miss Beaulière so she could continue working at her home. Agnes understood me and looked at me; she was struggling, with eyes that seemed to say that I was going to repent. I agreed with her that on Monday at 4 we would meet Miss Beaulière. Anne-Marie needed a maid and it was easy to convince her. Agnes still works at her home and sometimes she tells me about her.

   It was harder to get Anne-Marie not to reproach me for what I intended to do, but she had already become accustomed to believe that I was as stubborn as John was one day and knew that her words would be useless. At the end she hugged me, telling me that whatever I wanted to do with my life, she would always love me.

   Also on Monday 10 I met Samuel at the bar. I asked him to recommend me a lawyer. I told him what for.

− "I am not going to say anything, Nike, because I know that you know very well where you are going, with whom, and what for. It is your life, besides, and I respect it."

   He mentioned Aubrey, Fielding & McDawn in Longborough Street. Miguel’s law firm, I smiled. But there was time enough for Samuel to tell me something else. His daughter Susan had just had a car accident. Fortunately she was ok, but her car was broken. After the startle, she wanted to buy a new car.

− "Samuel. I think I will keep the Chevrolet. As it has already happened, it can be useful in the future. But I'm going to sell the Daimler and the Mercedes. If your daughter wants either of them, it will be hers."

   Finally the Mercedes was for Susan Weissmann. Not to tire you with this, I will only tell you that I sold the Daimler at the end of January to one of our employees, Jordan Strand.

  One of the days I went out with John, we met quite late, because I wanted to meet Mr. Aubrey. I told him what I wanted to do. He believed that he was speaking with a bright businessman and it was quite difficult in that first interview to convince him that what I really wanted was to get rid of Deanforest. But in the end we agreed that on Thursday 13 I would have an interview with a notary, Mr. Alexander Pierce, so I could bequeath you the property of Deanforest. And give you a salary of 3,000 dains a month, because fortunately I thought it would be rather expensive for you to maintain the house. Everything was finally as I wished and on Friday 14 a letter was sent to Orleans telling you a day to have an interview with Aubrey, Fielding and McDawn,

 

−We will speak of everything. That I told you the first day, Protch. And I also told you that I could be talking all the morning and not have been able to explain myself. I don't know if you understand me now.

−Nike – said Maudie - first about that letter. We got it on December 18. We were called to a number in Longborough Street, in Hazington, on Friday, December 21st at 9 in the morning. They told us that we would be told about a profitable business, but Herbert and I were thinking about it and believed, in our financial catastrophe, that they would be new debts. We were too far away to imagine what it was when we met Mr. Morgan Fielding. We remained at Richard’s until on December 30 Deanforest came to our hands.

-I know, Maudie. I had to overcome the temptation of running to Richard’s and embrace you. Understand me. I feared a reaction similar to the one of my servants in August or the one of the servants at Siddeley Priory a month earlier. All these years I've been mulling over what enormous happiness would be to find you and talk to two old friends, but I never made up my mind because I always feared that for you I would be Mr. Siddeley.

−For us it became a real need to know something about you – said Protch - and we couldn't imagine that knew of you my cousin Richard, your fellow mate Bruce, with whom we often spoke or Edmund Siddeley, whom we visited desperate to know about you. But, and these words will be familiar to you, out of the portraits of your grandparents and the clothes that covered us, we brought nothing more from Siddeley Priory.

−I have seen you several times. You still went to the Basilica in our year 31. You, Protch, gave me some alms on two occasions and your wife on one. But seeing you did not recognize me, I said nothing, although my heart wanted to surround you with my best beats. It was an ongoing debate with myself, almost daily, but by Richard and Bruce I knew of you and in an extreme necessity I would have been visible before. And if you still wonder why you, maybe you understand now why. You were not only my friends and Richard's cousin, but rather evoking the past I could not find any more dear faces than those of my grandparents and yours; you also loved me and educated me for nothing, because financially you did not depend on me. And when I moved to Hazington, you decided to join me when the Thuban Star was a doubtful business, away from the pageantry of Siddeley Priory.

− Neither Mr. Siddeley nor the beggar Nike. My wife and I always loved the child you used to be, and now the man who you are. And now that we know it, we fear losing you again.

−I will keep on visiting you as long as you want me to come. I can assure you that. Do you still have any questions that you still wanted to ask me about Deanforest?

−None, Nike. Now we know where you've been all these years and why us. The rest Richard or Bruce will have told you. We had a house too big for us, but we have been able to maintain it. And if, as you fear, for Newchapel neighbours we've only been two suddenly enriched servants, we have to tell you that we only want to have as neighbours one such Nike, his wife, his husband, his children and his fellow mates. And all of them may come here whenever they want.


 

   So on December 30 Deanforest began to be yours. And that was also the day that Bruce got hospital discharge. But before returning to our outskirt, we stayed one more day at James Prancitt’s, who convinced us to greet year 30 with him. We had a special dinner to receive a year I knew I was going to live with them.

   But I still have to tell you one incident of that year 29. Saturday, December 15 I went to the street with my wife. Although she said nothing to me, I noticed she was often sick and if I happened to ask she just answered that she was ok. Already in the hospital all said that just that day they had been a year in The Outskirt of the Torn Hand and spoke with nostalgia of everything they had lived there. Suddenly Lucy went to the toilet and when she came out, pale, she told us she had just vomited.

− "Lucy, my heart - I said tenderly. Luke listened to us-, if it's what I suspect, we are in a hospital. Now they could test you here, and give you something to cope with dizziness."

   She agreed and we managed to find a doctor who was seeing her for half an hour. She was made urine and blood analyses. Luke and I remained nervous at the door until our wife finally came out.

− "I'm pregnant." – She said.

   The corridor in which we were became fruitful light for us, the germination of three, overwhelming happiness. We kissed all three at the same time, then couple to couple, we hugged, we laughed, we cried, we jumped almost mad. I looked at Luke.

− "My love - I told him-, in the beginning it was your will and it conceived that my body with our wife’s body could make us start to be five with a second child."

   Almost drunk with happiness, we went up to inform our fellow mates. Knowing that she would be a grandmother again, Olivia was crying and didn't know how to kiss, hug or thank us. We also informed Bruce, who also laughed and applauded us, telling us.

− "I will live to see you three as a family. Blessed be the three of you."

    Already in January, and I anticipate something of the story, returning all to The Torn Hand, in my first winter in the street, always cold and rainy and hardly bearable, my wife, my husband and I were at the door of our big house and we were talking.

− "And what name the child should have?" - asked Luke.

− "Nike should say something." - said Lucy.

− "If it is a girl – I said - your first intention should be maintained. And also I think Kirsten a beautiful name. If it is a boy I don't know."

− "My mother could have called me Malcolm, if I had been born a boy. But I don't know... I can’t see ourselves having Malcolm."

   Neither of her husbands liked it either. We briefly talked if we should call him Luke or Nicholas, but soon we rejected the idea and both of us said the same. We liked our names, but neither he nor I wanted our second child to be named after us. In the end, I had an idea.

− "I don't know if you like the name Bruce. But if we have doubts about anything, we can think of our chronological order. That’s the name of the first of the five men."

   Both of them liked the idea and the three of us agreed on two names finally.

− "So be it - said Lucy-. In a few months we will have here Kirsten or Bruce. But of course - she looked at me - it should have your surname."

− "That is impossible. It will be Prancitt-Rivers as his brother. When both our children are older we can teach them to also write my surname behind yours and we will be moved if we see it written."

   Of year 30 I also have some things to tell you, in addition to the arrival of my second child. Then began a cold winter that had arrived eager to be noticed.