CHAPTER XL: THIRD SACRED COUPLE

  Playful as tiny spiders that swung in its folds, the latest stars were adorning the curtains of the day, before being drawn back. The last raindrops were arabesques with the leaf litter. The wet ground smelled like bread, like a cake fermented by the downpour. In that mosaic of dawn, fragrant of water, earth and stars, I stopped a second under the alders to cry. On this occasion, after months of pain, my tears were messengers of a new sensation. In 29 years it had not caressed me yet and the first time it did I knew it was coming to stay. Happiness, once so elusive, must be bathing me as the ground must be wetted by the moisture from my eyes, which flooded me. Oh happiness of that dawn, beautiful as my two loves. My heart always allowed me from then on to love them, and the door that opened those months has not been closed yet. Perhaps, if it is not previously reached by the dreaded startle, it will never close the door to them.

   So, without knowing where I was walking, but happy to stride a different path, the loud smell in the area of the toilets certified that I was already roaming the ring finger towards the camp. But just before reaching it, sitting on a rock with some difficulty, stiff shoulders and encircled his eyes with dark bags that betrayed a long night of insomnia, directed towards the still starry vault, I met John. I expected he would say hello to me with concern or ask me a lot of questions. But I hadn’t expected he pointed out urgently, fingering something with the gesture of the sorcerer that is revealing a wonder to you:

− "Fast, Nike. They are only a few minutes now. Hurry and look at the south."

   I did what he told me to and I was stunned, the astounded look of a child who sees the sea for the first time, the mast of a distant ship, and the shells in the sand. It was not enough that I had watched it for two months in his old book, I couldn't help but something was failing me when I glimpsed it there, a lion in his blue savannah, walking his fierce freshness. I almost saw him with his long hair while my lights, without any brain having given them the order, went to look for Regulus and finally they saw it. My eyes were crying... crying. That was the gem with which the Universe was embellished that morning of October 20, when She had wanted to rectify. And it had to be then. My eyes were crying... crying. They had learned only too well to overflow like trembling taps in ponds without any shores, and now they crystallized like silver majolica, with needles of various colors. And while I could barely distinguish John, who also rectified, trying to explain that in September he had forgotten something fundamental and it was watching the constellations at sunrise from our country and that’s why he didn't know whether it was another rectification which allowed us to see Leo at the end of October or if he had neglected to certify at dawn what manuals said, I was not at all aware that the Universe, the mother, is moving, and my eyes were crying... crying.

   It was a sheet fixed in the southeast, where I turned my trembling eyes. And halfway between Leo and Ursa Major I learned to recognize, at the Zenith, Leo Minor, three points of a so-called cat that I have never been able to see. But forgotten my star, Zosma the swimmer, I shrunk when I was aware that at the end on my left you could see Algieba, Denebola, Regulus, Elased. Their bright needles impressed. The small lion, throbbing, looked amazed, really impressed, the ochre lights; Virgo was waiting. The star Zosma, my star, when I saw it so close to Denebola, which in my imagination seemed kissing, described a line more distant, but defined, to Algieba, towards which I would soon go. And I said “wait for me, Algieba, and have a vocative prepared for our meeting, since your heart and mine also have to meet.”

   The lion petered with the first rays. And now the sun covered with a new carpet without stars the whole south and the whole day. But a second just before these stars die, with a corner of my vision; I saw other two fireflies to the west I had also learned in his book: Castor and Pollux, on the shoulders of Orion, which I already knew. In time I fell into the account that at my side was the immortal twin, who watched me seeing the different drawings that my face had been shaping. I had no words to thank the gift he made me to have fixed my attention on my bright lion, thinking with what words I could tell him that I was Zosma, and to join at last the constellation of Algieba, Denebola and Regulus was now in my hand, and my light with that of Algieba could give life to Elased. I remembered it, Ras Elased Australis, which I would have not seen had I not known exactly where to locate it.

− "I have to tell you so much, John. I just saw in the skies a hypothesis that could be one day reality, if indeed all its stars are gathered, a family of lions, an unexpected clan, which is already treading the earth strongly. But this can wait. Forgive me if these last days I have not asked you how you are. And I don’t see you very happy this morning."

− "Last night I have been unable to sleep, worried about Miguel and you. And in my despair, I have finally come to see you in the sky. It was several days ago that I did not look at Castor. But it is still there, by my side. And I am with him. And then I discovered that you were already right next to us. So far to see you, I have had to look at the north, at the Polar Star. At last I have found you also in the south. But I have not understood what you have just said about the family of lions. Finally –he sighed, discarding dire thoughts−, let us forget this. You look calm, but how are you feeling?"

− "If you still remember the Nike that few hours ago walked away from your tent, you will not believe me if I tell you that in these moments, I am the happiest man on Earth. But first of all, John. I am sorry if these days I have not asked you how you feel. I do now."

− "You were worried about many things, Nike. You don't have to justify yourself. And I felt your breath every time you looked at me. As for me, what can I say? I know that they have only been ten days since he left, but they have been three years and a half with him and I am not feeling his absence well. He guided me well and knew how to take me out of my own mazes. At the bottom of all our arguments there were always some stones hidden which we had to winnow and we have done so together, to get from them the clay of our love. In many ways he was... he is, why do I speak of him in the past tense? my teacher."

− "He has also been my teacher in more than one sense. But you have your own light out of any darkness, a light that I would call angelic. Few hours ago Luke said that you have been my prince. And Miguel and you have been called respectively The Beggar Master and The Luminous Beggar."

− "What has Luke told you? No, wait, now you will tell me. But it's strange that you've said angelic light, Nike. I didn't speak of it last night, but I'm going to tell you now. When I saw you leaving the bonfire you reminded me with your petrified gaze of an angel of death, with desperate dehumanization, ruthless with yourself, wounded and as I told you then, almost suicidal. And I, who was looking at you, reflected your terror as a mirror, seeing myself in it. In those moments I could swear that Miguel’s ghost was by my side, translucent, a breath which comforted me and almost encouraged me to hug you and ask you what happened to you, as I did. But there were other six figures that reminded me of a seraphic radiance, them next to the central image of this strange picture, you, almost screaming to the Highest behind you: Kadosh, Kadosh, Kadosh, Holy, Holy, Holy. And however they did not worship you. They looked at you with flashes of anxiety for you, like angels carrying I don’t know what strange oils to anoint you of I don’t know what. On your left hand Luke was for a second the angel of terror; it hurt to look at him, pierced by a lethal pain, who watched you... I would say that with love. At his side, Lucy was the angel of confidence, the gesture of one who observes an outcome that has had the promised success, her eyes towards you smiling, and a disturbing look of anxiety to her husband. Mistress Oakes was a dual angel, her face split in two, fixing her gaze on you and Lucy, half her face one certainty confirmed, the other half the discovery of an unsuspected enigma. Bruce on your left and Olivia on your right were the angels of indecision. They did not know whether to continue sitting or stand up and follow you, and thus, never standing up, they looked prostrate, postponed whatever responsibilities they had towards you as messengers; the former with eyes which seemed to know many things and discover others; the latter looking at her daughter, as Mistress Oakes and Bruce were doing; actually at that time Lucy was the central figure, illuminated by stars and by thoughtful faces that converged on her. And Paul, in his grandmother's arms, would be the chalice that would have been able to consecrate you. Sorry to tell you what you might certainly consider crazy. But in their faces there was such materialization of fear that after this nonsense, I had to talk to you. You already know that. But you don't know that when you left my tent, Luke came in and was cajoling me, and at the end, not knowing if I was doing right or wrong, I had to reveal to him what he already had guessed."

− "Calm down, John, all of that I already knew and you don't have to apologize. You have made me no harm; you've done much good; and I am not going to accuse you of anything; those words came out of how much you like me. Let us not mention any more of this."

− "As you like. Thanks, Nike. It hurt me to betray you; but he seemed to think so clearly that you loved him and he was so decided to give you all his warmth and beauty that it seemed to me that the best thing I could do for you was to tell him. At the end he came out of my tent with the promise to find you; but after more than one hour of anguish I went out towards you and Luke, to look for you, until at last I heard your voices on the inside of The Cave of Beggar Sally. Forgive me for having heard a few words. But I found them so significant that Luke really loves you and that with him you would be safe, I decided to withdraw."

    Many things I understood now in this dawn of clarity. And I have never forgotten the description John made me of this picture which has never been painted. Mistress Oakes, with split face, had always known, I had that security then, my love for Lucy; but she had just discovered at that moment what she felt for me. Luke looked at me with love, he did, and it was not the first time. Oh if I had let my eyes, in previous days, to overcome my fear and discover what my mind did not see. And Lucy staring at me with passion... I could not think anything else in those minutes. With her I would not have to wait months to tell her. I also understood that Olivia still had not suspected it, but that Bruce, whether he had intuited it before or not, had just had a flash with which he had been enlightened. Several people looked both at Lucy and me. And I was moved by the fact that Miguel was also in John’s forebodings, far then but always by his side, as it had to be so that we should always be eight. Now that he was not we were seven again, but I was already one of them, I would always be. I was afraid how he could take it, but I still didn't know how his twin would react. I turned to John.

− "Can you remember what words you heard?"

− "Luke was talking. I remember he was saying this: It must be an erupting volcano, My Beggar, because craters it does already have. Then I am not sure how he followed. The noise of the wind prevented me to distinguish his words. I stayed one little longer, because although I suspected that he was talking to you, I should make sure. I heard your voice, but I could not perceive well what you were saying. You continued talking and I was about to withdraw when I heard you say this: It is inevitable that your king now loves him even more. And of his reply I seemed to hear the following: except that you may find that you will be given more love for them. I apologize for having listened to you. It might have seemed that I was spying. But at times this evening, seeing that I would be unable to sleep, those words seemed increasingly significant."

− "If I told you that Luke told me he had always known, John, I would only be telling you one of the little secrets that have been revealed tonight. There is much more. Ultimately Luke came to me to tell me a tale. And that’s what he has done, my fellow mate, the tale of my own life, where I have been, among other names, The King Beggar, and that’s why those words of mine that you heard. The tale lasted several hours. But then we spent a long time in a necessary conversation and we even got out to see the morning twilight. And what we were talking about later all of you should know. But I have some fears. I don't know how you might take it. But as all of you should know, let me explain it to you, John, if I'm able to. I can stay with you awhile, because I imagine that Luke is currently talking to his wife, telling her the outcome of this long morning, and then I have to talk to her, with the woman of my life, John, because Luke knows that and does not object. But I still believe that you are very far from knowing that Lucy and Luke also love me."

  I could see bewilderment in his eyes. The Luminous Beggar was still my mirror. Now he reflected what I had felt a few hours earlier.

− "I did not expect that −and with an unknown faith, he went on−, but you tell me. And it is enough. I know that it is madness to ask you this, but now what will happen? No, wait, before answering me, I see that you are waiting for my answer. For my answer or my encouragement. Whatever happens, Nike, look at me... you can count on me. And let me give you a big hug."

− "You move me, John –I was able to say while we were in broken tears during that interminable hug−. It makes me remember a few words from you, from October 4, now I know that they were a prophecy. You told me that one day Luke would surprise us all with his beauty. Holy heaven, John. I don't know if all of us, but he has made me see that Luke’s beauty is most inexhaustible of all that I could have imagined. Spilling like rain, with no shores, flooding me so much that I don't know if my heart will be able to collect all his drops, because they are many. I will not tell you his tale today, my friend. It's been hours and my mind is asleep. I must now let my heart usurp it all day and think in its stead. But I will summarize you what I have already called to myself his triple proposal. For madness or not, it has three parts, and when my reason is capable of stopping to meditate, I'll have to see if I can accept one of its parts, two, or all three. Listen to me now and do not fear to give me your opinion later, whatever it is. This is what I have to meditate."

   And thus I spent a quarter of an hour, crying with my eyes, my heart and my soul, babbling my newfound happiness. Three stars of different directions that could make up a single constellation and find at last our ecliptic. The little king... where would he be now? …he who could be my son. My son! Oh, Universe that would open your womb to me so that on it I would shelter him, wait for me, Heavenly Mother, perhaps one of your creatures need you soon; and despite all I should thank you for your endless rectifications, maybe I have to beg you more, as a demanding child, for a beggar I am. But always Oh, mother! Take it or not, care for and protect Regulus, your little being-god, and may I see him forever happy in the arms of his parents, whether they are two or three. And I told John that there was something more, the third part which had made me see Luke in an altar of beauty: Elased, perhaps waiting for me to make my wheat ears leak in seeds which germinated with Algieba, his mother, to make him sleep here below, also in the fertile outskirt which covered us. And in any case it had to be me who decided whether it was possible his journey from the sky to Earth.

   Afraid I was waiting for John’s answer. But I could not imagine that after a hug another one would come, together with all his tenderness.

− "Blessed be Lucy, Luke and you –I started to cry, shedding so much flow that a portion should go astray and escape into my ears. It was hard to hear him in those conditions. But I knew that when a miracle bursts, it never stops engendering, and somehow, from I don't know what part of my body had sprouted some new ways to understand the maze of his sobs, of the infinite light of that beggar, who while he cried and hugged me, smiled with a subtle bright−, and what vast fortune to be your fellow mate. I will follow you three where you want to go. Let me be with you. And know that you'll always have in me an ally. What blessed chance took me that morning of July 27 with Miguel to the river to reacquaint you. And when already the sun has taken it away, Leo is still shining and now it will not turn off."

− "Go slowly, John. I have not decided anything yet and today I can't think. I only know that I stay. But my heart is telling me that we should not remain silent. None of us three. Whatever I decide, now all of you are going to notice it and it is reasonable it is so. I've been unfair with Luke. But I won't do him a new injustice by hiding what I feel. Or what I feel for Lucy. In any case today will be the day of informing our fellow mates. Tell me the truth, John, how do you think that the others will react? How will Miguel react?"

-"Miguel will not understand it if he finds a fait accompli. But leave that to me. I will be informing him slowly. As for the others... Nike, have you thought that you will now be a relative of Olivia’s?"

− "I had just discovered it right now, John. So, half of us would be a family. But what do you think she is going to think? Even if this madness never comes true, she should know it today."

− "Don't you be afraid. Olivia is an amazing woman. Believe me, who despite everything it only took her one day to love. And in a few hours she loved Luke, regardless of where he came from. And who is left? I don't think that at this point Mistress Oakes or Bruce may have something to object to anything that lies at the heart of Nike, whom so much they love. And nothing else. I don't want to thrill you, dear fellow mate, but from here I can see the man you love looking for you, in his arms the star that may be your son. Go with them, Nike."

   I did as he told me and left him there, still meditative, with reddened eyes but I would swear that with a calmer heart. Without a doubt, I had given him something to think about that would suit him well and would take him for a few hours away of delicate thoughts about his partner. And in a few steps I came finally back to the camp. And the Torn Hand was a stage full of figures in an amazing pantomime. Olivia, who always got up first, was the only one that I didn't see. But then I knew that she was washing in the river. Mistress Oakes was at that moment in her tent. She stopped only a second to look at me and, certainly liking what she saw, directed her gaze then at Luke, a look that seemed to lead him into the river, as if she knew with security that both should now speak a few moments. Lucy hit me with a look of passion and entered her tent, where she was waiting for me. My dear Algieba, I thought, the line that separates us is becoming thinner, and at least I want to go into your tent as I've already entered your heart. Wait just a few seconds, for your husband and your son want to tell me something. But at that moment I saw Bruce, who, from his west, also got up. I had to tell him something. Luke looked at me then, as so often, understanding me, and sat in his doorway, eyes telling me that he and the little king were waiting for me. I went to Bruce, and while he stretched, I spoke to him.

− "I have many things to tell you, my fellow mate –I started happily. I knew that with him everything would be easier−. What would you think if we saw each other at 11 at the lake? It seems to me that today's gonna be a good day to swim together. And then, 24 hours later, I want to return to the street with you and drop you all the happiness that currently drowns me; but I also want to know your honest opinion, my fellow mate. The entire universe has moved in so little time and you will find many new things; so, if the day goes well, we could return to Deanforest for a coffee. "

   He looked at me, he was confused, he smiled, he tried to speak, he cried, he stumbled. But in the end we got an agreement to be at 11 in the lake.

   I then finally approached the sacred image of Luke with the little king. And as that day everything made me cry, Luke left him in my arms, and for a second I rocked him and his little heart next to mine made his warmth be lava again. Whenever he was close to sleep, I felt that previously he tried to tell me something. And in my thought I replied: "I don't know if I will be prepared to be your father, little Paul; and I don't even know if it would be correct. But I will not leave you again. I will take care always of you, I promise." I saw that Luke watched me tenderly, again seeing the sentimental image of a father with his son that he had already imagined. I spoke to him right away, so as not to break into tears again. He deserved more than my tears.

− "My Mate... I have been talking a second with Bruce, but still he does not know anything. Since I have to tell him many things, I thought of going back to the street with him, as we did yesterday. And that way... -In those moments came out Lucy of her tent, impatient. Seeing her alongside Luke gave me confidence to tell them an idea that had occurred to me when talking to Bruce. But I started with a question−, Remind me, My Mate, how long haven’t you gone to the street with your wife?"

− "The last time we went together to the street was at the end of June. Later I did not allow her to come with me. We knew that a day would come when her pregnancy would not make it advisable. Why do you ask me that?"

− "I thought that today it would be a good day for you to return. I would be very happy to know that you will be both together."

− "And what shall we do with Paul?"

   I had not thought about it yet, I cursed myself. I had to somehow undo what I had already planned. With Bruce I could talk later. Or maybe...

− "It might be me taking care of him, Luke. We should only talk to Bruce again. Or I could take him −Lucy and Luke looked at me advising me not to do that. That is why I continued somehow nervous−, no, not to the street. These rainy days seem, however, to have filled our pantry. I'm not hungry if I don't sleep, and today I will not eat much. I could take him to Deanforest and there await the arrival of Bruce. Well, what do you think?"

− "That is a good idea, Nike, but wait a bit. We continue to see that the man who loves us seems determined to show us his love that way: always wanting both of us to be together. But I still have to talk to Mistress Oakes. I think that either she or his grandmother, either of them, would prefer to maybe stay here, taking care of him. In fact I was going to Menhir Bridge, where I know that she is waiting for me. Now, without fear, My Mate, enter finally our house. Our wife awaits you."

   And Lucy, bathed in sunshine, with gestures and words, invited me to go to where I had never gone in, to where with some shyness I knew I had to go anyway. Our conversation was necessary, but necessarily private, away from all ears.

− "Enter our house, my heart." –she finally told me, and I was aware that if one day I dared to create, next to her, the Third Sacred Couple, she already had our vocative ready.

    So the three couples were my darling, my love and my heart, if you follow our many given names without losing yourselves in this maze, dear Maudie and Protch. Thus the man who believed in his shade one day that he had no heart, onwards was called thus. And my thrilled me. Yours. Her heart. My blood had spilled and belonged to both of them now. And I did not know that the shed blood cannot return to its channels anymore. I always stayed with her, with him, with both...

   I finally entered, discovering a wide space at that time of sun illuminated, and where I figured, not wanting to do so, that there would be room enough for three. Luke’s smell would accompany us blessing the love of the third couple. But what I found at the time was that the right sense for then was the sight. The sun changed its course from the east to the south with parsimony, but it was still in the east; and as the tent was oriented to the east, I watched its gold poured into refined glare on her reddish hair. Lucy’s beauty in that bath of yellow light which her hair of blood turned into orange, framed of glows that illuminated my life which next to her also rose, made me give her a new name, but soon I had to suffer the shiver of answering her to the one she had given me.

− "Thank you, Lucy, my heart. Let me look at you in that light that dampens you. How beautiful you are. You know? Luke spoke of you a few hours ago calling you The Daughter of the Earth. In these moments for me you are The Daughter of the Sun, or the sun itself which today wants to participate with us in a ceremony of grateful hearts, hearts full of light, the light of leaf litter."

− "Sit, Nike, comfortably. You know that if you wish, this will be your home. But I see that you are using a few words still difficult for me to understand. They are Luke’s, aren’t they?"

− "They are Luke’s. And I feel that today both of you have decided, and they also are his words, to overwhelm my heart so as not to break it. It beats timidly, but it does no longer bleed. I'd like to say so many things. But I don't know how to start."

− "You might feel more comfortable if it is me who starts. But previously you can relax knowing that Luke is here with us. You would not be able to understand it if I did not tell you the words of love he has addressed you when he came here awhile ago to talk to me. He loves both of us and it is not hard for me to picture him chatting with my grandmother, imagining us now happy here, without him but with him, starting to live the time that belongs to you and me."

   Luke was there with us when Lucy dared to show me what she felt, with the courage that had always dressed her.

− "I love you, Nike, deeply. To explain to you how much I love you will be impossible. If I tell you that it should be as the planet loves the star that gives light to it, I would only have confused you, because it is not enough: I love you more. Love must be like the Universe: She never ends expanding and while completing her construction the fire is her brush, which draws you and burns you. But that very fire is the light that guides you to new heavenly lands, shines for you for an instant and sometimes fades and you can only see the abyss. So I was without you from August to October, my soul was cold, but I was wrapped in a burning flame, because if the planet loves the star that gives light to it, I was given the gift to be illuminated by two stars, Luke and you and his stellar light remained with me. With him I shone, but without you I burned. Rest assured: neither Luke nor I are going to press you. But you should know that there are two rivers flowing in parallel with yours and that if at the end you don’t decide that we gather our waters, allow ourselves to flow next to your riverbed up to the sea."

   Rivers and planets, and Luke smiling tenderly at the bottom encouraged me. I could be water and rock with them; a star which could illuminate them. I was not prepared to be a tree which next to The Daughter of the Earth and The Tree-Beggar could have roots. But I had inside a rootlet which she had not seen yet.

− "Lucy, my heart, Daughter of the Earth, Daughter of the Sun, mother of Regulus, with the fire of your name you have burned my heart, but from its ashes, I will try to tell you what I feel with some heat and some light, because I'm still going from shade to shade. You are my heart, my beloved one. You are my beloved one, my life. I love you. And I will always be before both of you as naked as I am now. Love is innocent; I am not sure that deciding is not guilty. Maybe one day we are the same flow; but this river will always run next to yours. I love you as the eyes to their mirrors; as dawn to its morning twilight, where I come from. I have been a star when the sun rises: we cannot see it, but it is there. And I'll be back the following night, as hot as them and yet owners of a cold that can only be cured in your bonfires. I will stay there forever. It will never be sensible any future that is not by your side. You are my life, my heart. I love you as a wheat ear which has sprouted here, so close to the river, and wants to be fertile in your fields of grain and for your bread and Luke's become wheat. I would no longer understand myself without you. Without you, without him, without your little king, without our fellow mates. Here Nicholas died, rest in peace; here Nike will live forever and there will be no death that will reach him with you."

− "It was necessary to open our hearts to understanding. And I had to start there. These are days for the three of us to show the best of ourselves, and one must be brave. I have always thought that you already are. But with Luke, you've been building a common story. You and I still have to create it. It might be good you know how I got this far. I want to start by making sure that my love for Luke will never be extinguished; but it may surprise you to know that there was a man who wrote me the letters of love before him. Think well, Nike, because you know him."

   So open were our hearts that I could then receive all their bloods and some of them might be illuminating because my reason began at least to be able to stutter.

− "Bruce?" –I asked speechless.

− "Bruce. I'm not sure that he knows it, but I loved him. And strongly. He was the first man that came to us, and if you've understood him, you will know that he is all dignity. When he arrived, his understanding of us three women was so profound, and the drops that he poured, letting us know that he would always be next to us were so solid, that from my heart burst all the springs and never knowing how, the feeling that I needed him was crystallizing in a seamless love. I never said anything because, as you know, he soon fell in love with my mother. With him I was in love until one night, climbing the hill pregnant of fog, fate rectified; and there was Luke, his body half-naked, thus contributing to the nakedness of his soul. He did not know it, but his feelings stripped of clothes were transparent; and there I could see, like you later, his immense beauty. And I love him, Nike. For your peace of mind, I will tell you again that as long as I live I will love Luke. Before telling you how and when I fell in love with you, it should be you who told me how much you love my husband, for everything is ok, and we will build our story as a couple better if we don’t forget him and let room for him by our side."

− "It is very difficult to know which words to utter so you can have that security. It happens to me that modesty obscures the flow of my expression. It is easier for me to tell Luke that I love him, and tell you that I love you, than talking about my love for you with him, or my love for him with you. But I see you want me to express it, and then I fear not to be able. Imagine the vastness of this country I would want to exhaust it walking. Not even twenty times I would go round would be enough to end my love for him. What I feel for both will last as long as I live."

− "Perhaps that very image is also good to express my love for you. Our three hearts are young. You've just found it, Luke found it a year ago, mine was reborn with you. Not even eternity with its leaden clouds could end them. But let me tell you about my third love: you. Miguel and John brought you here one night in July. I was feverish because of my next birth and didn't see you arrive, but I felt the uproar that you made, and soon I was informed. For three days Miguel and John told us much more than your name. Your shaken words were creating you a great reputation for those who still didn't know you. Then, in our birthday, Luke went to see you; and I shall not find words to describe how he returned. He never told me that you loved him; I could deduct it in his eyes. It had to be me who would express this certainty. Later they also went to see you my grandmother, my mother and my first love. In them, I also saw that those days of summer I could summarize them as the eleven days in which we were speechless. No one can explain a commotion and none knew how to express you. You will understand that I felt very curious. On 2 August fate reached me again. Remind me next to Bruce, who needed a haircut. At the end I saw and understood that they could not reveal you. You were turning from Nicholas into Nike, and it was not easy to assume you. We talked about the calling of the Earth and you felt our son. And when your hand on it landed, you also touched my heart, and that’s why today you are my heart. I knew I had been defeated; no internal struggle could now remove you from my feelings; I did not speak about you to Luke until October 4, when you came and also burned his heart. When that night I finally knew that the three of us were burning, I could no longer find any water that could extinguish that fire. We were burning so with that fire we turned from lonely stars into a constellation. At least in our hearts we already are. Those two long months without you I could only be comforted by the hope to know that I had not lost you forever; because I sensed that you'd come back; the hope that half of my blood was there with me and although we still did not speak about love, we talked about you every day."

− "In that case, you fell in love with me on August 2. When did I fall in love with you? As much as I look back, I only get to deduce that last night, when I discovered it, I already loved you, yes, but since when?"

− "There can only be one answer. Before meeting me, in the summer, I was for you an enemy, wasn’t I?"

− Yes, my dear enemy, my dear heart."

− "And however when you met me you liked me. I perceived it well at that first bonfire together, when we shared the stars. And you followed liking me when you flew back to your past, and liking increased. The evening of October 4 you still did not love me. But at night I spied your arrival; I wanted to see the return of the two men in my life, and so I saw you better friends than ever, both in love. But in your face I could see a new light, a quarter of the moon of that night of rain. And there I knew that you'd fallen in love with me, but you were not still aware."

− "I was not aware. But with the clarity you've thrown into that empty parchment from that part of my story, everything is clearer. You have been brave, my heart, and I have known a fruit of your love trees which for me was not ripe. Now I must confess, I do not know if you know it, before your husband and you, I had another arrow in my heart that I was not able to perceive. I did not discover it until I fell in love with Luke and I began to check then if there had been no other man in my life before. And I made the mistake of believing that I didn't like women. Had I not been mistaken, I would perhaps have known I loved you a month before, but everything is fine as it is. I was in love with John at least one year. How much lost time. But I'm glad of my ignorance. John was awaited by Miguel and happiness; it was worth then that my heart was hidden. And before John..."

   I could only sketch two figures that were never well delineated in my memories, but that I could not dismiss so easily, as if they reclaimed me their undeniable hollow in my story. And I spoke to her about Simon and Alison, of prematurely interrupted adolescence and of early youth, sober, in the chiseled breasts of Fairfields the beautiful. With them I went without haughtiness like a bird in the grass to the short time of John, the heavy sea of pain and beauty of Luke and the hurricane of my last night that almost crushed me. I told her that I had not been fair with her husband and that I always feared his anger and that, however, in my moments of greatest apprehension, I had always trusted the calm of his wife, who was a part of her like an aura. I never believed that Lucy could have cursed me had she known what I felt for Luke.

− "We are already three, Nike. You think you're still in the dark and you have however made two decisions in a single night. Two ways to say that you stay with us. In our outskirt will remain your tent and your heart is already ours."

   Ours. Possessives are like numbers, infinite and indefinable. Our son, she had said before, now your heart is already ours. Our son... Regulus in which several rivers converge, does ours mean of two people? Of three? Your heart is already ours, of two? Of more than two? Of seven? Love has no mathematical logic; it rebels against the tyranny of the number; so those who know so much about love are poets.

− "Nike –the woman of my life went on saying−, remember that I also spoke once to you that I was looking for number three. Perhaps those days in a fever my startled snooze was joined by a silhouette of mad figure. I knew that two was optimal, but that three was supreme. And I talked with you, now I understand, because you'd be the third vertex. And it’s up to you to decide whether we are only three corners with no walls or if we can make the shape of a perfect polygon. And I know that Luke spoke of two more parts. But to think about whether we can share our son or we can have two you will need more heart to think and today is not the day. Enough to tell you that I know everything that Luke has proposed to you. These next hours rock Paul, feel him, love him, let his little light illuminate you. And don't use your reason for the second or the third part of the enigma until you have not clarified the first. We have already spoken of love. Now go to swim. For your love Luke and I today will return together to the street and thus we will be able to love the man who already dared to express his feelings. Do not be afraid about Paul; my mother will take care of him; and now I have to speak to her. To tell her about my feelings again eleven months later. You are already ours. Go next to us and because of us to the water of your life; swim in your freedom; immerse in your commotion. Your light will come out of the water in a new dress and the day will come when we can see your brand new flashes. I love you. You love me. Along with Luke we are three; the universe continues to create."

  We left both at a time and if the soul can also bleed, in that tent we left an unmistakable trail. My new grooves would be tilled with them. So long, my heart. Oh October 20 of music and names, of harmonies of words and symphonies of premiere...

   The laughter of the river had at that time a rebellion of bells. The sun put a merry tinkling to the surroundings of the menhir. The bridge smiled lethargic and its broken head frightened less with the sweet murmur of the water which being in love should be coming down in a joyous uproar. Mistress Oakes was waiting for Luke next to the bridge on that morning full of smiles. With her back to him when he arrived, without turning, she greeted him:

− "I was expecting you, Luke. Let’s see if with you clears a little the nebula that I have at the moment. In your face and that of Nike I can infer some things, but something fundamental is missing me and I can't see it."

   She turned then and they kissed. Mistress Oakes was chewing preoccupied some cake and offered another one to Luke, who refused, discovering at that time that true happiness fills your stomach better than any food. Luke was radiant or maybe it was that he received full sunlight in his face when Mistress Oakes finally looked at him. She was a minute watching him as one who is reading a not too indecipherable codex. It was then that she should read that the riddle had seemed unsolvable for having too many characters and she had neglected a crucial one.

− "So it was that –and more certain she repeated−. Of course it was that."

− "I think -said Luke in a conciliatory tone− that I am not going to tell you anything new, you know it all, I think."

− "I did not know everything. Decoding your part and that of Nike has been easy. You are both too transparent. But it is always for good and I do not think you mind that I can read you, Luke –he nodded−. But I couldn’t imagine, because the door was closed, the fundamental role that the girl of my girl had –thus she referred to Lucy sometimes−. She has always been inscrutable and I have never tried seriously to see her. Of her I could only see always facts and memories that had no relationship with her feelings. Thus it is better. Sometime ago I refused to follow the threads of her mind. And on this occasion I've found again an impenetrable wall. That’s why I could not advance. But I knew that everything would be fine and that you will give fruits."

− "So we can give some fruits, Nike has yet to mature. We will not move forward without him. Even if you know it, I want to tell you. Coming over here I found John, who has run out of words, but his face told me so much... he is with us, and I think you are also."

− "Have you ever feared me, Luke?"

− "No, dear Mistress Oakes."

− Then tell me without fear what you want to tell me. You have my respect already. I always sensed that Nike was in good hands with you. Now that the hands of your wife also caress him, from all your members will come out a flame that will give you a new life."

− "If I were to tell you the entire parley that Nike and I have exchanged, I would be here until evening. So you'll know only our project, although I know that I will not tell anything you don't already suspect."

   Luke’s words flowed serene in a crystalline stream. In the same harmony the broken bridge, through its openings, wanted to be ears and made of his wood eardrums covering the roar of the river, which tumultuous must be running down in laughter of authentic joy, to the beat of the thunderous torrent of happiness that Luke was approaching. With the announcement of the three Mistress Oakes’ smile opened as the new summer which arrived that day in October, a quarry where the ore was crushing of the answer that her throbbing heart would give, and the river was an overture of joy, of unbridled happiness. His fellow mate encouraged Luke to let her clear the new seeds that would end sprouting the pure and round flower which had already opened with the union of three hearts. To the beat of the new fatherhood of Regulus, her womb broadened to rock the family which would now be of 4 and she promised that, three parents and other five cradles, they wouldn't be lacking arms, lullabies or blankets. The river, rather than singing, was an oratorio; the bridge promised games and laughter as a heartfelt offering to that child star crowned by three needles. And the beautiful rose Luke still had to reveal contributed to the fact that Mistress Oakes’ garden was perfumed by tears.

-"This third mystery I had not inferred. My wisdom still needed to know what part was assigned to Wisdom. But you're sublime, Luke; only you could conceive the idea that a child is born to you without your seed. The three of you are wise, beautiful and strong; those gifts were widely lavished to the three, and you also count with a consistent wood trunk. My girl Olivia always can support you. And do not be afraid about Nike. His time will be shorter than you think, and it will be mature and fruitful. And I will still be, by your grace, a great-grandmother; and when I am old I can say that the land of my life was not barren. Go now in peace, each one to his path, dear grandchildren. Olivia has confirmed to me that she will be today taking care of your little lion; I'll go to the street for both, and so you can walk again with your wife as Nike has suggested.

   When Mistress Oakes met Lucy, she reported that her mother would be waiting for her on Meander Bridge. The water of the Kilmourne remained in triumphal concert notes; the morning in full light had infected of the laughter it advertised, a laughing voice of its liquid crystal, a messenger of the happiness to come.

   Lucy found her mother looking east, with Paul sleepy in her arms. Three generations in a single silhouette over Meander Bridge, running down in that place really tumultuous and uncontrollable, becoming a mirror of Olivia’s feelings, who was boiling in a sea of anxiety. Her mistress had told her that Lucy would like to talk to her, and she was wondering about what. Finally they looked at each other like two undecided flocks that suddenly are the one next to the other and wonder what direction to follow. When her daughter hugged her, she knew that the drift was changing, and for a few seconds she was frightened.

− "I knew that I would find you here –Lucy began−. I wanted to talk to you. I need you more than ever, mum."

− "Tell me, my daughter. Whatever it is I'm willing to listen to you."

− "It is difficult to know how to start. Almost a year ago your understanding made me the happiest woman in the world. Yes, let's start there: what do you think of Luke, a year later?"

− "I know that Luke has given you everything. I can't tell you honestly I have any reservation on him at this point. He is a good man, sincere, and tender. And he has given you a child. Tell me the truth, are you happy with him?"

− "Completely happy. And I know by his side I will end my days. I don't believe in prophecies. Luke can't leave before me. But look at me well, mum. Can’t you see something different in me?"

− "Today your face is different. Like a girl who already having a treasure in her games has just found a new one."

− "That is exactly what happens to me. Mama –and finally she dared say it−, I am again in love."

− "Do you mean that you have fallen in love with Luke again?" –she inquired hesitant. She didn’t know what to think.

− 'No, mum. But I must assure you first that all my life I will love Luke. Now I've fallen in love with another man −and as if changing the topic, she asked−, what opinion do you have of Nike?"

− "He is a man much more beautiful than he himself believes -a cruel cold was bending her shoulders and threatened to twist her completely. All her corners were fear, that ruffian who had a frost voice-. I love him a lot or should I say I loved him? – And with a grin of terror− what has Nike done?"

− "Nike is not guilty of anything. He would have spent his life in the ice of indifference before standing in the love Luke and I feel for each other. Many years ago, mum, one of the great lessons I have learned from you is that a family is the one you choose, and that a family has no unchanging definition. I've been guided by it. Although unconsciously. The heart chooses trails without anybody having given it a compass and goes in directions that only it knows, wider than your reason. I fell in love with Nike in August. Let me tell you the whole story because in it Luke, far from being expelled, is already playing a key role."

   She knew that in the long run she could count on her mother. Lucy was sure. She knew her very well. Without fear she began to refer to her the story of all the loves that evolved. She told her some private words with Luke, the thrill of that morning with Nike, she spoke of the love that the two men of her life felt for each other and told her the intention or madness of the three. Her mother looked at her then horrified, but Lucy did not feel discouraged. She watched the meander whereby the undecided river changed its course. The water there became muddier a few meters but later, who knows where, it began to be cleaned.

− "Look at the river, mum. In a sense, I am the Kilmourne. My whole life has been with you and my grandmother, from the north to the south. And probably you suspected that one day my course had to change. But with Luke and Paul right now I'm on Meander Bridge. Inevitably, as all souls of this world, I will turn west one day, but you know that in a few meters the Kilmourne meets the Heatherling. And before we leave, Luke and I will have to meet Nike. And with him, we will sail to the sea. But don't blame it on him. He only knows our project, but he has not accepted it yet. But as things stand there is no other solution. It will be either this or that three hearts, now happy, will swim in eternal sadness."

− "Why do I have the impression that you haven’t told me the worst yet?" −asked Olivia.

   But Lucy answered with a new question:

− "Would you like to be a grandmother again?"

− "That is all about, isn't it? Something told me that you had not uttered yet the most terrible. And I suppose you mean with Nike as a parent."

− "Nike as the third parent of Paul, and as the father of our second child. Also Luke’s. In fact the idea was Luke’s. Let me tell you."

   And Lucy started to speak and her voice was a sedative river of conviction. Olivia went back, when she heard the other two halves of this madness, to the first vertex. And as the last two parts she still had to know she was not going to be able to accept them easily, she began to understand that many times a second disease makes the first one lack of importance, and in her own way she was assuming the first madness. After all, her daughter told her, Olivia could go to the rhythm of Nike, slowly, but her mother knew that she was going faster and that at least she was able to see them all three now without any shadow of blame.

− "This surely is a folly. But I will go slowly, my daughter, and when I see Nike again, fear not. I will love him as much as I have loved him all these months. More, because he and you need me. I don't know if I am entitled to make you any reproach, when you could make me so many."

− "Mum, I am 29. There are many things that we have never talked about. I don't know if you'd be willing to say them now. But I cannot consent to be a hindrance in your happiness and to see how you reproach yourself. I will not ask you who my father is. But years ago I should have told you what now I'll tell you. I know Uncle Gerald since I was 9 years old, when my grandmother died. Yes, mum. I also visited her in her last hours. She was looking for me on her deathbed. Your brother has tempted me several times to leave the streets and seek refuge and solace in all he could give me. But I did not want to go."

− "I'm surprised by everything you tell me. Then you have known him for 20 years. But worse for me, Lucy. I should have forgotten my hatred towards him for you. You've been all your life on the street and that I cannot forgive myself."

− "And don't you think that I am old enough and I could have left the streets? Luke and I have thought about it once, but we could not leave you here or take you with us. We knew that you would die if you are separated from Mistress Oakes. Now with Nike, we will think about it again. We cannot live just the same if someday we have two children. But you have not criticized us for having Paul here."

− "I always thought that it would not be definitive. But what can I tell you? What right do I have to tell you anything if I had you on the street, if I've never been able to get you away from here? Forgive me, my life."

− "Mum, I don't know who my father was. But I suspect that by his side I would only have had misfortunes, at least I would have had the misfortune to see you unhappy with him every day. And I know that the Rivers did not behave with you as a family, except my dear aunt Kirsten, whom I never knew. Finally you did the best thing for me. My happiness would come as it has come: separating me from all of them."

− "There was no hallway which could shelter you from cold. There were never enough blankets. Some days I went crazy when I noticed that your knuckles hurt so much and they couldn’t be cured with a home and a fire."

− "Sometimes I am cold in the bonfires. On a warm summer afternoon I am cooled by the rays of the sun. That’s the way I am, mum. The walls of a permanent home would not have prevented it. But I don’t remember having been really hungry, only one or two days as all of you. I remember my childhood now with other eyes. How often you lied to me telling me that you were full, so I ate the whole piece of meat that we had stolen to the day. And your dear mistress was your accomplice and participated of your intricate designs. And so many nights watching how both of you left me the slice of bread to me under the pretext that both had to take a walk and talk about your stuff. And I saw you thinner and did not suspect anything. Until many years later you allowed me to make a living and I could see that finally you were not hungry."

− "So you’re telling me that you've taken care of me. Don’t you think that I have much to repent?"

− 'No, mum. You gave me a bit of the best of everything. Later I chose to stay here."

− "The icy steps of the churches, the cold that was not leaving you even if we went behind the wooden doors of the façade. Nights in unsafe parks, under frosty bridges. The dubious company of experienced dogs of bad life, harlots and drunkards..."

− "From Mistress Oakes to Bruce... should I talk to you, as you have just said, of dubious company? These are the people that have surrounded me. And there is no test for life, because when you have learned its lines by heart, it decides for you and spins in a new somersault of fate. When as a rogue it seemed to have placed me on Wrathfall Bridge, it turned by surprise and took me to Knights Hill so that with Luke I could know love and knew that with him I shall die; to engender the one who should continue us. But Verôme, the relentless rogue, has danced for me many times with devilish prances and had still in store for me a final pirouette. Now I know why one day we decided to reluctantly move next to the cemetery. Near its graves death was not awaiting me; it was awaiting me Nike’s second life and perhaps a second son. Don't lose hope, mum, Kirsten still could return."

   But her mother’s eyes were full of tears long before this final sign of expectation. She realized that years ago she must have had this conversation with her daughter. Just a few minutes exchanging bloods from the past, and now the flow was not purple, their knots did not choke anymore, it was turning reddish.

− "Thank you for your words, my daughter..."

  But Lucy broke in.

− "So many years noting that you could consider yourself happy if you did not carry on your shoulders the heavy slab of my life... One day I had to be honest with you. I'm not perfect. Look at me, who with a son, and two perhaps soon, I'm still in the street. I might end up having your same remorse. But with you I've had love, understanding, and something that we have not talked about: freedom, the goddess that everyone could seduce if they were willing to pay the price it puts them. I've paid it. Luke and Nike have paid it. Let us always be next to you, follow you until the end. I cannot love you more, mum, or be more grateful."

− "Lucy, love –but she could hardly go on−. I'm not going to be a hindrance in your happiness. Do not worry. Your mother will accept everything. She will accept the life that you want to live and... look, my daughter, now that I know that you know my brother, I feel even better. You have the right to know your roots. And that makes me wonder: would you like me to tell you who your father was?"

− "I'm not sure, mum, because I have sometimes thought that you hid his name with an intention: that my blood was far from any scourge there might be in his family. I am, as you have always told me, the daughter of the "Wolf", and that is enough for me."

− "If one day you really like to know, tell Gerald that I know that you are in contact and I allow him. Let him tell you then. I cannot reconcile with him ever, but I am not against his knowing his niece. Do you love him?"

− "Yes, mum. Do you mind?"

− "No, go to him whenever you so decide. But do not talk too much about him. I prefer to know nothing. And as for Nike... my son-in-law, my other son-in-law... do not be afraid: he will notice me as any other day."

  Paul woke up then, whimpering as if he were claiming some walk to his grandmother. Then mother and daughter kissed and said goodbye. Lucy knew she had led Olivia to her same meander. The sun wore increasingly more certain a suit of heat and fantasy, looking down through any cloud in the shape of a bib. Good omen, she thought. At that time the Kilmourne was boiling. Its maternal waters, aromatic and nutritional, laughed again under its bridge. Fate, mockingly, in a boat in the distance stormy looked at the figures whose threads it should now handle with care to embed them in a warp with some sense. Lucy went quickly back to the camp. What happiness it was to go to the streets, again with Luke, their heartbeat in unison.


 

  Sadness must be amber, yellowish, a golden preparation; happiness, on the other hand, is reddish, maroon, purple, blood awakening, a flame that is inflaming, twilight of wine, a bonfire where the gods of love dance. Devouring its fruits without remorse, I was finally on Menhir Bridge, where my first fellow mate, surprisingly, awaited me, who before going to the street I knew would be there and wanted to congratulate me. I wasn't expecting the excited smile that greeted me.

− "Let my arms be gold, earth and tree to receive my child."

− "What joy to see you again, my mate. I still had not called you thus."

− "I see you happy."

− "I hope it is not just one day, but I don't remember such happiness before in my life. But tell me, Mistress Oakes, if it is that now you can tell me. Am I already the eighth or do I have yet to endure more tests?"

− "Nearly two months ago I told you that you were. I did not understand your fate at all, because it was hopelessly attached to Lucy, and her part I was not able to see it. And of course you still have to endure more tests, one after another, as all mortals, but you are now a tree in our shore. I just wanted to regale you with a smile and on behalf of all to welcome you. Today you can at least be at peace. Now go to the lake. Bruce already is there waiting for you."

   Shimmery I understood that they were all involved in the altar of my happiness and my faithful priest waited for me officiating in the lake, but without a chasuble. The sun had become a tough guy and its warmth made me sleepy. My fellow mate had already checked the temperature of the water and only waited for me to get in. With just a few words of welcome, I began to probe his expression and knew that he knew much more than what my choppy words could say. I had to make some kind of introduction, but brief, because I wanted to swim with him, in October as in August, as if the time beside him had not passed.

− "Of what I have to talk to you, Bruce, I prefer to wait to be in the streets with you, or at another quick coffee in Deanforest. But perhaps you already know a part. Dare to utter it..."

− "Your face, so strange last night, seemed to say: Lucy..."

− "I also love her, Bruce. Imagine my desperation when I discovered it. I left the camp with no clear idea where to go. But Luke rescued me. Enough for now? I assure you that I am now happier than I have ever been able to show you. To make my happiness complete, I only need Olivia. And I only need you, my fellow mate... could I count on you?"

− "I assure you that I am with you whatever you have to tell me."

− "Thank you, my friend. Shall we swim?"

   We were together in the water again. Bruce had acquired great skill, which surprised me. He had done as I had told him and never moved away from the shore. For that he was waiting for me, and now already with him, he suggested swimming towards the center of the lake. The temperature appealed to spend hours in its toasted glass, to be a bird and skip in its rushes, to be a conqueror and seize the entire mirror. From the shore to the inside, enamel rays penetrated in the pond, without asking us for permission, accompanying us. For a moment of my fellow mate his hair seemed golden. We rested together away from the shore and breathed. There we would spend half an hour as carefree hedonists who did not have to go to earn their daily bread. But in the end with reluctance, we got out and dressed. Bruce wanted to know so many things, but he did not ask any questions. Back to the camp we saw how Lucy and Luke went out together again, to the south, to Riverside. I looked for Olivia and the little king, but I could not find them. And at the end my fellow mate and I headed north again. We went down Templar Village and something we got in St Mary. The day began with hope.


 

−Excuse me, my dear friends. I need to stop to breathe a little. Well, finally you know with whom I return: my fellow mates, yes, and with them my wife, my husband and my children.

−And here each morning two friends will be waiting for you, Nike –Maudie told me−, to listen to you respectfully and willing to not make judgments.  

−As two friends I consider you, my dear Mr. and Mrs. Protch. Thanks to both.

   But I noticed that Herbert still had something to say and did not dare to utter it. I helped him:

−Speak safely, dear Protch. At this point I am not going to believe that you can say something that is offensive to me.

−It’s not that –it was obvious he still hesitated−. Nike, I know that you have your codes and your rhythms. But I don't know if someday you will dare to call me by my name, I am sure that you know what it is.

−I do, Protch, it starts with an H. Look, my dear friend, friendship we already have. My fear is not to know if it will be permanent. You know much of the indignity of my life; you start to know my fight in the streets, the family which I am a part of. And I thank you for understanding. But there are still objectionable spaces in my months and years later. When you do not have anything to eat, life has taught me that you may become a beggar, a whore or a thief, and if your teeth ask you to exercise them, one ceases to be scrupulous and considers all the possibilities you have. You know that I fell into the first trap. Through the other two chinks I was very close to sneak. You still have to know if I fell.

−A trap can be a window, isn’t it? If you had fallen and found the dust of the ground unbreathable, we would air the windows of Deanforest so that at the end in your friends’ house you can find the breeze. And you will not find stale air, but the excitement of our bodies determined to become arms which surround you strongly –and defiantly he went on−. Is it clear for you?

−You move me, Protch. At least I can say that I am willing to call you by your name and give you a big hug. And another one just as strong, with the best kiss I can find, for your wife. Now it is only two or three days ahead.

   The soul again erupting in sobs, I saw from my sofa, with the door open, the face of Jupiter, who apparently attentive to my last words, waited eagerly to learn more, the face pierced of disbelief, as if he could not believe that I had been able to slip from a beggar to a whore or a thief. The god, like the Protch, has to continue in uncertainty.


 

   Lower middle class families never pawn their ancestors inherited jewels if they can avoid it. And thus the ugliness of Heathwood had in Churchway Park an unexpected gem they took pains in caring. Right up there in the so-called pond of the eagles, sitting on a bench, our hands humiliated, were begging Bruce and I, resting our feet in the shadow of a thousand trees. There were ashes and alders, the only ones I could already recognize. But somehow all the trees that can grow in the northern hemisphere there were mixed. Water was not missing them. Near the river the park was fed by fountains, canals and lakes, which nourished the roots of that forest. Sitting in the shadow of what I now know was a cork tree, in front of a kiosk whose youth lines were reflected in the pond, as they arrived to us, slow but uninterrupted, five or six budges to the palms of our hands, I began to meditate on the path that we had followed there.

   We had entered down Washington Street, quiet and outdated, which I hope you know, because it is very close from here. Before the first corner, we came across a nearly unrecognizable coat of arms placed as by chance on a superb bronze door jamb. It was Tomlison Hall. As Bruce told me there was a family dispute by which the Tomlison, a branch of the twisted Chamberlain, decided to secede and put their coats of arms in that palace. But that must have been long ago. Now its walls were nothing more than sheer ruin. I thought that through those which once were its windows there were chinks through which beggars could enter. And in fact Bruce confirmed me that Tomlison Hall was also squatted and that in its interior, in raw nights, there was a colony of dark beggars, smelly, poverty-stricken, of a dangerous appearance and faces of criminals. But I didn't think about them looking at the decline of that mansion. I had the cloud in my thoughts of the name of the street: Washington, like my father. I was a while downcast thinking what my predecessor would think if he could see me there with frayed clothes and shaded complexion, thereby earning my living. "After all, I spoke to him, from what I know of you, you gave your life to love, dad. I'm doing the same thing", but looking at my fellow mate, I corrected myself: I mean to love and like. And if you finished your days as I suspect, think that I have been given a second life, to continue loving and liking them until the end. Tomlison Hall was largely an epitome of my life. Its blatant nobility did not seem to realize, in the full extent of lamps and antique gold interiors, that there could take shelter those who are dying of cold. For the first time, I thought if the founding fathers of the city were going to let it collapse, or who it would now belong to. But never again will I feel interested by its columns or faded tapestries. My place is no longer on the inside. I stay outside with them in freezing cold nights outdoors or I will sneak to squat it through the windows. The coat of arms of the Tomlison was a proud oak crowned by seven stars. Just as we are, I thought, all of us following your shade, Mistress Oakes.

   We spent only one hour in Churchway Park when Bruce decided to change the place.  Heathwood bus station was not far and I, who had prayed to my fellow mate to teach me all the wiles of begging, a trade after all, I decided that I should also know it. Not because the old resource to claim 50 budges was stale, saying you needed them to catch a bus, it was still completely worn out. Travelers did not believe it, but the trick was to ask for 50, and it was almost certain they would give you 20, in the remote belief that what you said might be true. Later, those who had given money to you were still there, and they shouldn’t see you didn’t get on any bus. Then it was time, Bruce told me sarcastic, to go out to the street awhile so they couldn’t see you, to go for a walk or sit under the shelter of a city bus and continue doing our work, and every quarter of an hour to return. And thus, coming and going, you would realize that the travelers you see in a bus station always have small change to give you. But you mustn’t come too often, Nike, he explained convincingly, or they will identify your face as that of one of the beggars of the station and those who have given you money, believing that your request was false, will refuse to give you more money again knowing, beyond doubt, that falsehood it was.

   Tricks and falsehoods Bruce could teach me, because I wanted to learn them. I wanted to be, upon my return, another rich beggar who, with him, could feed my fellow mates. Then in a few hours we had got enough money to eat twice that day. But we had to keep trying just in case when we returned we saw that the others had not been so lucky. That October 20 the route was on the east of Heathwood, a truly ugly and dirty face of unfortunate neighborhood. The houses, single-story, rather ramshackle and sometimes dangerously inclined, could not hide their lack of class but they hid it with plants and beautiful balconies where sometimes a dove alighted. People living there have no servants. It is busy housewives or their indolent and wayward children who answer the bell, and look at you in a bad mood, blaming you for having interrupted them in some daily work. But that summer day in one false October all was gift and wastefulness. Hardly an hour was enough for us to know that now we could return without hunger or laments. It was then, about 3 o'clock, when I reminded my fellow mate the idea to return to Deanforest, where I would have to tell him so many things.

   Completely indifferent to the chance that my former neighbours could recognize me, I began to watch melancholy the devastation that autumn was making in the garden. But I didn't want to stop. I felt more and more that it was no longer mine what still belonged to me. Not looking north or south, I inserted the key at the end in the lock. I noticed that in the Hall of Jupiter, Bruce wanted to say something.

− "This statue..." –he began, but he stopped.

− "This statue is a folly I had −I said, guessing what his question was−, one afternoon I saw an exhibition of sculptures in a gallery next to the Town Hall. They were not for sale, but Nicholas Siddeley was infatuated by one and would not admit no for an answer. I don't remember how much I paid, but it was a small fortune. And since then it is here, as a metaphor of my empty vanity. Anyway... As long as I keep this house, let a Roman God protect it with its divine cloak. But I don't know, those rays... I hope he does not fire them on us. But do not pay much attention to me, Bruce. What happens is that in those lightning I remember the tears in this house I have spilled. Forget it. I want to make you a new coffee. Let’s go back to the kitchen."

   I noticed his impatience. And I did not wait to have it ready to start to talk to him about everything that had happened to me in the last 24 hours. After every word I uttered, I felt his gaze of encouragement and respect. Who would have said that the same kitchen who had witnessed how I had told him about my love for Luke was going to be, mixed with the aroma of the coffee overflying us, a hearer of a new manifestation of love, now oriented towards Lucy, my heart. I sat down, but I would lie if I told you what flavor that coffee had which I drank with him, combined with placidity and restlessness, trying to decipher in his eyes which answer he would give to the great madness that the three of us had conceived. He wanted to answer me then, but I begged him to wait, as there were still other two parts. My voice wanted to falter but his sincere face made me go on. He already knew everything: Paul, a second son, madness of love, desire for posterity... fear, joy or crying. I waited frightened for his answer.

− "Nike –he began, knowing very well where he wanted to go−, I don't know many things. But I know that Lucy has a lot more than you can see –and you also have them, I thought. Much more than can be seen. At that moment, I wondered if he knew that Lucy had loved him. Maybe you have always known, dear friend of mine, but as in the street, you disguise your lights of ignorance due to some purpose of benefit. Maybe you don’t find correct to speak to me openly about the love that Lucy had felt for you−, and Luke, and you are like the last brothers who my parents never gave me. Would you like to know what my opinion is exactly? Do you remember the name of the star that they gave me?"

− "Aldebaran" –I said without hesitation.

− "Aldebaran. And John explained that it meant "the one which follows". And that is my answer, Nike, following my star. Although I have come before you two, I will follow you with all the brightness that I can give you, whether you are two, three, four or five. If a few years ago, in the ragged corners of my coldest loneliness, they would have said to me that I would meet you, I would have not feared any street. And if I have little time, I could still come, who knows, to see you a family."

− "You won't go, Bruce. You can't go. Damn prophecy."

− "It will be what it will be. But if they are my last days, I will end them almost happy, fearing only that people like you cannot stand it."

  We had a solemn embrace and I began to look around. If he was leaving, if I was leaving, if both of us were allowed to stay, all surrounding me was now quite unnecessary. I had no doubts that for me it was. For the others? There they would always have a fire, some food and shelter. I knew that I had to once again be unworthy, but I told him:

− "Bruce... I'm sorry, I know that these questions should not be asked, but don't you think, forgive me, that we could here live all?"

   There was no anger in his eyes, only the slight annoyance of one who is used to such questions and already knows the answers.

− "Something similar I could have listened from John if he had dared. There are days of common hunger when his face seems to think about the same enigma. Yes, Nike, I know that John still keeps some of his money. In these last two months he has told me. But if he has never done it is because he knows our answer. I am sure that you also know it, but your generosity had to try this last attempt. We would never be at ease here, knowing that we have not earned it. We do not want to live in another way; we are not used. Call it freedom, the blessed freedom to which we have become accustomed. And I know what you're thinking. Perhaps Paul... or if there is another second son... But never talk about this with Lucy or Luke, believe me, you could destroy a part of what you have already won. So I cannot help you, Nike. Keep it or leave, it is up to you. And I haven’t got angry by your question. I know that you needed to ask it. But please, do not ever ask me that again. We all love the beggar Nike. Whatever you have in addition does not interest us."

   It was the second time that I had that indignity, first with John, now with Bruce. There will not be a third time, I thought. Now my choices were only mine. So I cannot help you, he had just told me. And yet, he had helped me. We finished our coffees and without further delay we left that which would never again be my house to reach the one it really was. We stopped at some small grocery shops that we found in our way, and very early, before 8, we saw that John had lit the fire.

   With hardly any time to sit, we saw Lucy and Luke return with smiling faces. They sat next to Mistress Oakes, and I was invited, for once, to sit down next to them. Timidly I agreed. From their words I figured that they had spent the day joyfully speaking of me and, between bite and morsel, as the day had been generous, they had decided to enter, rather shyly, in a bar to eat at noon. That night there was enough food for eight, but only four of them did eat. I couldn’t swallow anything, and preferred to be fed by the glow on their faces. And there was wine to water a bacchanal, but in Lucy, staring at me, I saw a determined desire not to try it again. Mistress Oakes was a time roasting lamb. Lamb again, and I was not hungry. But where was Olivia? When the meat was about to be ready I saw her come out of her tent, the little king in her arms, not at all sleepy. The moments of anguish on my face weren't more than ten seconds. She looked at me with all the warmth she had always given me, inviting me with affection to hold Paul in my arms again.

− "Ours forever or just yours, as you like –she began to tell me−. I love you, Nike. Do not fear me."

   The night already entered the lake where it should go to sleep, with safe steps. Venus shone again on Olivia’s head, always Verticordia, because my heart she had also transformed. Never speaking, our eyes understood again. "Alone, perhaps, or under their blankets, who knows where I will go, but I can trust myself enough now to know that I'll always take care of your girl, and the branch that has sprouted from her and that is now in my arms. I will protect her from discouragements and defeats, from crazed spectra; I will prevent she ever leaves the first man who gave her life, the great love that is sitting next to you. I will fight for your grandchild with tooth and nail; and in me you will always have, grandmother, a brave son decided to hold you." It seemed she understood me and with a radiant look certified that no more reasons were necessary. The lamb was ready, but the first sacred couple was full and didn't want to try it.


 

   Third black mass. It was finally Lucy’s turn to reject the lamb and the wine. Putting an arm on Nike’s shoulder, a new blanket and a new fire, with the right arm on Luke, she wanted to go with both to that fire of communion where the three of them were already having some heat and create her own universe from nothingness. They were now three pagans who sought, without any Olympus and its glass mansions, a spiritual path between galaxies or darkness of hunger and, lights or shadows, end the path together, and be, without hesitation, eternally sacred.


 

  Ted also wanted to join us. It had really sometimes been there, but not so restless, since the summer. But that night it would not climb to my lap as it, with a meow of jealousy, saw that my arms were occupied by little Paul. So it roamed the bonfire crazy while I looked at Lucy and Luke and I understood them without speaking, with the tacit agreement of all our fellow mates, who spoke respectfully of other things. I began to feel a great desire to walk the streets of the city with her and talk about the tale he had told me. Maybe tomorrow when I wake up. But then I looked at my mate, who had not slept anything and sleepy chewed something, and thought that I had spent two days without him and I had to accompany him again on the steps of the basilica or in any church of Riverside, with the thrill of feeling that we would leave knowing for the first time that we were both in love. Lucy watched me as if telling me I had to go back with him that Sunday. And staring at her I suggested coming with me the following Saturday, the 27th. And she, also without talking to me, made me the gesture that she had understood and she nodded. 

   Without more conversational partners than the respectful silence of my fellow mates, already weakened after a long day of forced wakefulness, before going to bed, I got to look at the fire and invoke it: "oh, autumn flame, shaken, lively in this night without wind, shape your burning beating to the rhythm of my promise, and let me never get away from this fire. Burn me, give me a shape, but may I with my fellow mates be consumed. To always be wood which is scorched next to them and their needs is what I want. When the winter is about to freeze me, let it be, rather than returning to a cold home of so many absences. If ever I fall into this temptation, scorch me. And if I am firm, burn to draw me some contours which occupy forever the place where my heart must be, in the same colour as your fire. Flame which solid you shine illuminating dark roads and rocky trails, if my cradle was golden, I'm by your glow golden, and as these moths that suicidal sacrifice themselves to you, before dying I will go towards the same earth, into the same tree, parent of the star which now sleeps in my arms again. Flame which closes my eyes in a rebellious drowsiness, go on illuminating me and tomorrow, wide awake, may I be moved again by your flashes. Goodnight".

− “Good night” −I said to all, and of the same impulse Lucy and Luke also stood up, the latter to his necessary rest after his long sleepless October 20. I left the little king in his grandmother's arms. I don't know how long the others followed there, four souls accompanied in their bonfire of deep understanding, of incorruptible friendship.

   Now the blankets brought me to that night journey of closing one's eyes to open them again, moved, in the wakeful light of another day. Two days of October made me live the resurrection and the beauty. In the following thirty days I had to perish in a sterile happiness or orient the lighthouse of my mind towards the vast ocean where I would be awaited, I was sure, singing with a sweet voice, by the hungry seagulls of liberty.