CHAPTER XXVI: VAMPIRES

   Passionate heats made our cheeks burn with feverish intensity. We had placed ourselves near a fireplace and also the burning to talk again made us spend the evening like that among blushes and reddening. The lights were dim, to highlight the silver color of everything around. In The Silversmith all was silver, or perhaps they were imitations of this metal. The truth is that I do not know –Luke went on telling them−. Even the tables had some silvery color. All around us, the carved mirror frames, shelves with trays and ashtrays, some brazen statuette indifferently resting at the foot of a candlestick, everything was silver or imitation of it. We were there almost isolated of the scarce attendance and the waiters came soon. We had not even looked yet the dishes that were served.



 

−I have still so much October 4 to tell that, although I know that it is still early, Protch, I prefer to tell you tomorrow the rest of the day. And I regret not having the easy and flowery style of Luke, but I will have to return to the story with my words. Of the many things we talked about in that restaurant, anyway, he just made everyone a summary –and as I noticed a faltering Protch overawed before something that he wanted to ask me, I dared to inquire−. What do you want to say?

−I don’t know if a while ago you would have wanted me to interrupt, but I didn't tell you that I know The Shining Bread of Dawn. In fact there I buy bread every morning. Finally, I will presume to ask you this: would you not accept me to invite you to eat?

−I am happy that you want to do it. But really, Protch, not yet. Wait a little more.

− And would you also say no to breakfast? –he insisted.

− What is your idea?

−That brioche which you have described... I see it there every morning. If you say you would, in the next breakfast you'd have one. Chocolate and bitter orange, isn’t it?

−Protch, I dare not refuse also breakfast. It is ok. If it is not an annoyance for you, tomorrow I will eat it with a cup of coffee; and I hope that you accompany me.

   It was so agreed. I remember the next morning was Saturday. Protch was only waiting my arrival to prepare coffee and we went after the usual greetings a moment to the kitchen. I noticed that the table was enriched by a brioche that would give us for several servings. I asked him to eat with me.

-I will, Nike. But I beg you to eat as much as you want. I don't want to leave anything for another day. Tomorrow it will no longer have the same flavor.

   We ate it in the kitchen before moving on to the living room so I resumed my story. And while we chatted, evoking the fire that was liquefied on their crumbs, recalling what was for me the importance of that October 4 brioche, but without saying anything to Protch so as not to advance a paragraph of my narration, as of something we had to talk, I asked him:

−According to what you said yesterday, John Ellis does not come on Saturdays, does he?

-Right. Why do you ask me that?

−He was not in the garden, but casually strolling Castle Road, I believe that waiting for me. You spoke of me yesterday, didn’t you?

−I did, Nike. I had to tell him that the beggar he had seen to enter was Mr. Siddeley.

-As Mr. Siddeley he greeted me. In fact, we didn’t speak for long -what I dared not tell Protch was that I felt uncomfortable before John Ellis. It was a fact that it was still the money of the Siddeley that provided him sustenance and for that reason he was before me cajoler and compassionate− and also his questions were impossible. How to explain to him that now I am in this situation? In the end I guess that with certain coldness, I had to tell him that you were waiting for me and that it was already late to be able to get rid of him. Let’s talk no more of him –coffee was already served−. Protch, try the brioche, and tell me what you think.

   He ate little, leaving it almost all for me, but he tried it. He acknowledged me he liked it, that though he had seen it many times in the windows of the bakery, he had never before eaten it. But now I know that for him the only important thing was that for the first time I had accepted that we ate something together.


 

   So in The Silversmith Luke and I had sat to eat. It was quarter past two, we did not have problems in finding a free table and immediately the waiters came. In the face of the waiter you could see that it was a surprise to serve, according to all appearances, a man of business and a beggar sitting face to face. But he didn't make any comment. When he asked us what we wanted, we told him that we had not had time to see the menu, although we would accept suggestions. As already expected, he spoke to us about five or six different types of dishes of lamb, of which I remember rosti lamb, lamb stuffed with mushrooms and spinach and lamb in mint sauce, which I chose. Luke said that he would eat the same thing that I ordered. To drink I ordered a soft drink and I was surprised that Luke ordered one also.

− "You had wine on the night of August 3. Would you not rather have it"?

− "Nike, I don't know if you want us to talk about certain things. But wine is not essential for me, and I will not drink it again in your presence. Okay?"

− "Thanks, Luke. Please, now we have time; talk to me without haste of all, your wife and your son, your outskirt..."

− "Fine; I'll start, but remember that I also want to hear from you."

− "I don't have much to tell. But I will make an effort. Please begin."

− 'As I know that you're really interested I will speak of my family, I'll start there, where there is a piece of news that I do not think you know −and looking at me insecure, as doubting how I would take it, he continued-.  Do you remember that I said that Lucy and I were married according to the laws of the Earth, without papers showing it? –and when I answered affirmatively, he said−. Well, being parents everything changed, and Lucy and I decided to get married. We've married, Nike."

− "Congratulations, Luke −I said sincerely−.  I would like also to congratulate your wife. Which day did you get married?"

− "We decided to get married the same day as Olivia’s birthday, which is..."

   But I interrupted him.

− "On 16 September –and when he looked at me surprised, I said−. I haven’t forgotten the night of Aug. 3, when John distributed the stars and you generously gave me two. I remember the dates of birth of all those who said it. I don’t know Lucy’s and yours."

− "Whenever you wish, we will talk about that, but I want to answer your first question before. We decided to get married because of our son, to give a greater appearance of legality to our union and our fatherhood. And to give him a surname. But as to this... you'll see: I am not going to tell you all the legal battle, or the time that has cost us, but with the help of Miguel, who, if you remember, was a lawyer, we have finally managed to put the two surnames joined by a hyphen. And so our son's name is Paul Prancitt-Rivers".

− "Paul Prancitt-Rivers, the little king, your son..."

− "Who had an uncommon privilege, which you and I have not had for example: to attend the wedding of his parents. Yes, Nike, all of us went."

− "Where was it?"

− "Well, we had a problem of religion, as they say. Lucy is officially devoted to the same faith of the Rivers, the dominant faith in the country. You could say that I am a Catholic, or that my parents were. She decided that we married in the Church of St Mary, beside which my home in Knightsbridge Street used to be. Actually we both consider ourselves as pagans, and if we believe in something it is in God-Fate and the motifs by Verôme. But it was there, at 9 o'clock in the morning of the 16th, at St Mary's. I want to apologize, Nike."

− "Apologize? Why?"

− "Several days I was thinking of inviting you to our wedding. And it would have been easy. John could have gone to your house. Or Anne-Marie. She was also invited but she could not come. And talking one day with her, she told me that it was not the time yet to invite you. I didn't know what to do. And it wasn't, Nike, as you may be thinking, because I no longer considered you my friend. Quite the opposite. I got to thinking that you were in a period in which you had to adapt to your life and to see us so soon could cause you pain. Finally, Nike, in the end I don't know if I did well. If I was wrong, forgive me."

− "Forgive you? You are the one to forgive me. I have been a traitor, Luke"

− "Is that the opinion you have of yourself? −he looked at me with severe eyes−. Later we'll talk about it. I have a completely different opinion of my friend Nike. And as I see you willing to gainsay my words, I repeat it. I know perfectly well what I say. But before I ask about you, do you think ok to continue telling you the few pieces of news there have been?"

− "It is no little news to know that you are married. I give you my warmest congratulations again. But please, tell me a little of everybody –and remembering something that kept worrying me, I asked−. Did Miguel have a fever the night of August 6?"

− "He was feverish one day when you were with us, but he was cured and has not been more times. Right, you must not always be strict with the chronological order. Let's start with him. These past two months the arguments between Miguel and John have been constant, but even so I, who know them well, can assure you that out of every argument they get a new outbreak of everlasting love. Of John I can say, that at this time I have renewed my friendship with him. Now he looks at me otherwise and prefers my company and my wife’s. My friendship with Bruce has also grown tremendously and Nike is a topic of frequent conversation among us. Yes, my friend; Bruce did not forget you. He never will. Mistress Oakes, like Lucy, only talks to me about you with complete confidence. Both of them know that sooner or later they will see you again, as I know it, and as you can see: here we are. And of my dear Olivia, what can I say? I hear each day less the phrase Luke is adorable, the same one you doubted and which, sincerely, didn’t make me very happy. She used to say it but I must confess that nonetheless I have never doubted her affection towards me or her friendliness. And what else to tell you? Everyone is still more or less the same."

− "I don't know. I want to know so many things about you that I would be listening for an hour. Tell me something else. Even if they are not news."

− "There is any more news. But I don't want to make you cry. Let me tell you again first that we are all well. And even wonderfully fed. Summer is always a good time for us. And the beginning of autumn has been windy, but not very rainy so far, and all has been good for us. Windy I have just said. You know that eight days ago the city suffered a real gale –he looked at me doubting whether to say that he knew that I had been there−, which swept away the great ash tree where often bonfires are made, which fell on Olivia’s tent. But it did her no harm. Calm down, Nike. We were not there. And there has also been some loss among our cats. Do you remember them?"

− "I do, Luke. I don't know if they have a chronological order, but in the order that I knew them they were Telemachus, Terence, Tessa and Ted –and restless I asked−. Tell me fast how they all are."

− "There is a casualty, or maybe two. We do not know. We have not seen Tessa for two weeks. Telemachus and Ted are ok. Or they were when I left this morning. But Terence we know that it is dead –and noticing my tears, he told me the details−. It was already very old. One morning we found him drowned under Menhir Bridge. You know that it's broken. Perhaps on one occasion, the last one, it wasn’t able to jump and maybe it fell to the river and perhaps, in some debauchery of the stream, it could not swim and... But don't look at me thus, please. If you find yourself responsible somehow, I will tell you that you would have been unable to avoid it."

− "That I will never know, Luke. I could at least have seen its last days of life or have cried for it with you. Or maybe... imagine. You do not know, do you? At what time it drowned. Perhaps, had I been there, it wouldn’t have gone to the river and it could have stayed in my arms. If you remember, your four cats liked my presence there and they used to do it."

− "It was already very old, Nike. Even so it would not have lasted for longer. Your presence could have delayed its death a few hours or a few days. But at the end it would have returned to the river and it would have drowned."

− "Okay, Luke. Even if I came to your outskirt today, Terence I would not see anymore."

− "But perhaps for each absence there is a new presence. We often see there a cat, also grey, which we call Theseus. But he is more often close to our neighbors, the Outcasts. They live now calmer, because I do not know if you know that they have closed Baphomet."

− "Drugs..." –I hinted.

− "Drugs –he assured me−. Or that we have heard. I guess that it is consumed everywhere, but it seems that within that disco it was being now too obvious."

   I said nothing. But I didn’t oppose. I, who had been so many times in its interior, knew well that all sorts of drugs circulated there as a universal custom, without any control. Instead, I asked:

− "I still have a question: how is your brother? Did he finish University?"

− "I think that he still has two unfinished subjects. Let’s see if I name them correctly: edaphology and structural geomorphology. This year he has promised to study them seriously. But, besides that, he is quite well. And that reminds me: I didn't ask it in August, how did you like my brother?"

− "From what little I knew I would say that he is cheerful, sincere and somewhat talkative. He would attend your wedding, wouldn’t he? But forgive me, before that I want to ask you, because when I left your son had already been born and your brother could not be there, how does he get along with his nephew and when did he meet him?"

− "Let's go little by little. He really came to our wedding, of course. And I remember that he missed you and asked about you. He hoped that you were to visit him."

− "I have been very negligent in many things but, if I am honest, I will tell you that I dared not. To do this, I should have gone first to the Torn Hand. And I have not done so. Sorry, Luke."

− "We will soon talk about all of that, because I don't like to see that you reproach yourself. But on your opinion about him, I will tell you that once again, if you are right or wrong, I am also right or wrong then, because we tend to think the same way about the same people. And it is true that he was not there at the time that Paul was born, but he knew him on the very August 6, about 7 o'clock, when at last he could come. And I can assure you that my son loves his uncle. And if you have no more questions, let me be the one now who knows your news."

    At that time the waiter brought us two dishes of lamb in mint sauce. Really suggestive and well presented. The smell itself already whetted appetite. Although besides waiting for it to cool a bit, I then had a knot in my stomach, for how to tell Luke that I had spent two months without going to see them? He must be noticing my nervousness for he helped, who could have thought it, telling me some facts of my own story.

− "Before you start let me tell you some episodes, because it might be good for you to know that I know them. To begin with, the night of 6 August, you had, say, a hallucination, in which you believed to have seen John, and surely there was where you got the idea that Miguel would continue with fever. Then, on the very morning of 7, not waiting for one more day, you spoke to, how did you call them?, ah yes, raiders or sharks, about your stay with us and you defended us, not allowing them to offend us. That day you met the waiter of the Thuban Star, whose name I believe is Richard – at this point I was already worried about how he got to know all these things− he was one of the two people who you asked that if you got to forget us, to give you a slap in the face. Am I going well?"

− "Surprisingly well" −I said, not daring to add anything else.

− "Later I will tell you how I know all these things. But let us continue. When you got home each day, you took refuge in your library, or you were going there by car to avoid having to converse with your servants. But one day, finally, you didn’t endure them any longer and you decided to fire them and stay alone. So you spent all of September. In order to not make all this too long it only remains for me to tell you that if you reproach yourself not to have come, finally you did. You were here that terrible morning of the hurricane. And you could not find us. We were, as you may have suspected, at Anne-Marie’s. My fellow mates have taken refuge in her house five or six times. But I arrived later, as you know, and until that night I didn’t know her beautiful home in Evendale."

− "Anne-Marie then..." −I said concerned. I did not know what else she could have told.

− "Anne-Marie –he began to tell me in an evocative tone−... I like that woman. Yes, Nike. I know that she doesn't appreciate me really. She has never loved me too much, actually. But these last few months she seems to almost hate me −I felt really worried now−, but I cannot help but love her a lot. And if you wonder why, I'll tell you that she stands for me canine loyalty. She is a friend of John’s; and she will show him in any circumstance. I don't think that she considers the rest of us as friends, but she talks with education and courtesy. But her friendship with John is above all consideration. She comes to see him to the street as she would follow him to prison or hell. In the time that I've known her, she has been a mirror in which to look at myself in case one day Lucy and I decided to move away from here. It is a challenge I have with myself: my fellow mates are my friends, and they will always be."

− "And as you can understand –he continued−, being the only person who was in contact at the same time with you and John, she told him some things about your recent life. And I now usually spend several hours a day with him, sometimes with Miguel by his side. And as John knows how much I appreciate you, I make him questions about you and he tells me some things. But I guess he keeps some answers. The more private ones about you he will not tell me and I do not ask him."

   Quicksand. I was worried and sometimes frightened about what Luke might know. But I didn’t regret to have told the reality to John and Anne-Marie. I really wondered whether he would have figured out the truth, but everything that was clear at that moment is that Luke seemed to love me, despite the distance of those two months. And that was enough for me.

   The food was already cold enough but still we had not tasted it. And I had a piece of bread in my hand ready to insert it into the sauce. But Luke did not begin, although he had already tasted his cola drink, and I was quite nervous, despite being satisfied of having this conversation with him, as to start.

− "So, Nike, how about if you start now to tell me what you want?"

− "What can I tell about myself these months that doesn’t make you think that I've behaved like a traitor?"

− "Nike, I’ll make you know something else. You can think about yourself whatever you want. But I have not thought for a second evil from you and am not going to start now. So I will tell you that I also know indirectly by Anne-Marie that you could not avoid naming us in each of your conversations with her. Is it not true?"

− "It is true, Luke. But damn, I cannot hide what you already well know. I have not gone to see you. I have not gone to see you! How to move from there?"

− "Nobody ought to come and see a few beggars and..."

− "Not that, Luke. You cannot think that. Yes, you are beggars −and bathed in tears I went on−, but you are also, believe me or not, what I love most in the world."

− "I believe you. You're still the same Nike I had the luck of loving in summer. And as you allowed me to get to know you therefore I can tell you that I am well aware that what you tell me is true. If you will allow me, I will say that that Nike I met then would have wanted to come and see us."

− 'Then, Luke... there you are. I have not gone."

− Look, Nike, perhaps we have the problem in a verb. The friend who I knew would have wanted to see us. Then if you've not come is simply because you have not been able to."

− "Not good for me, Luke. I had free afternoons. In fact every morning I thought "this evening I will go", but when it came, I finally had no strength."

− "Let me tell you, Nike, that when you met us in summer, we were such an essential part for you that we might say that since then you are living in two worlds. And since you've said nothing in one of them prevented you to come, in the end it is what I think. There is a circumstance, which I do not know, that makes it impossible for you to return to this world, to the Outskirt of the Torn Hand. I guess that it will not be this, but suppose, it is only a guess ok? That with one of the seven you had an argument and you do not feel comfortable with him. Thus, you do not come so as not to see that person."

− "I have not had any argument with anyone. It isn't that, Luke. I love you seven."

− Perfectly, Nike. And I can assure you that I believe you. It was just one example. Let me venture another assumption. But first I ask you again: is there or is there not a circumstance in our world that prevents you to come?"

    Yes. And this circumstance is you, Luke. But as I could not answer this, I had to find another reason that would explain my absence. And I soon found one.

− "I don't know whether you will understand or believe me. I could have gone to visit you. But so I would have felt bad later. So much I came to love you in the summer that I identified myself with each. Those days fate made me stop there so that I could learn to love you. A new sensation in my life. After the death of my grandparents I do not know if I have loved someone as much as I love you. And I couldn’t, Luke. I could not go and visit you and then return to my home. I needed to feel myself one more of you, the eighth, not a friend who loves you and does not share your life. Several times, from Miguel and Mistress Oakes’s words, I figured that at least two of you expected me to stay always with you. The last three of you have done so. It was an instant decision and I was not able to do the same."

− "Nike, no decision is better than another for being instant. And remember that nobody compels you to. Do you understand something as simple as that we cannot reproach you, you or anyone else, for not becoming immediately a beggar? For God’s sake, we appreciate you. We can't do that to you. And everybody has their own circumstances."

− "There is nothing in my life that ties me, Luke. I can assure you that. So I will admit, like you have just said, there is a "circumstance". Leave it there. It is enough for me because I know that at least you believe me."

− "When one does not love oneself much, Nike, and I know what I'm talking about, he can draw many erroneous deductions. We mistakenly believe that others do not like us or not understand us. I speak so freely, because you're still my twin, and in this way you will feel more comfortable. We assume that there is a "circumstance". And I hope that you go one step further and have very clear that I understand you, and I love you. Now really I'd like to hear from you."

− "I spent hours remembering you. Work was the only thing that made me think of other things for a while, but even so every morning again I went through the same: I challenged myself saying that today I would go and see you. When I left work, I gave in, but not before thinking again, at least, to go and see your brother so that he spoke to me a little of all of you. But I didn’t feel strong. And at the end I did other things feeling vile and, I'm not going to deny, the poor impression I had of myself worsened. Only it calmed me down that Anne-Marie was going to see you and told me that you were all well. Except on September 26, when I couldn't stand it anymore and I approached your outskirt fearing really for everyone, and not finding you, really I fretted, until finally she told me that you had spent the night in her house. And so I have little to tell you that you haven’t told me first."

− "Anyway, tell me about it, Nike. I want to know your version. But no reproach for anything."

− "It will be inevitable to reproach myself. What can I tell you? Without you everything has been darkness, despair, a desert... When I went to bed, loneliness was cold; I felt that the sheets had become a frost. And I could not enjoy watching TV, because I was always afraid to bump by surprise into the weather forecast. If they said it was going to get cold, it was going to rain, or the wind would be daggers before becoming hurricane, I felt that I was dying for not being with you and suffer it at your side. The news maybe passed to talk about hunger in the world and it is then when my ears were bleeding. I know that I would not fix your life coming to the street but I did not dare to imagine you starving or to remember how well-fed I was with so much that you gave me. And I had in Deanforest that which would have satisfied you. So finally I didn't watch television and took refuge, as you know, in the library. But then I remembered Olivia and I started to cry. Although at least there I was alone and could do it. But in the end I could not stand it and had to stay alone. If something good I can tell you it is that in these two months, and thanks to my memories, I have not succumbed to the temptation and I have not drunk a drop of alcohol. And when you are awake and lucid even pain is good. At least in my no man’s land I was sober, and with your memory with me, anyhow I lived, Luke. In summer you seven were for me the image of a timeless picture and its vivid oil paintings were still spilling in my memory. And I've already learned that this picture will never be deleted. But I can lose the grip. What I needed was to be sure that this landscape was not going to fall. I needed nails, the nails that secure it. That is what my heart was telling me. If I have walls, these will need to stay solid and never drop the best images, which one day I brought from your outskirt. I don't know if it will be enough the love I feel for you to secure them definitely. However, Anne-Marie recommended me to try to forget. It was impossible, because I neither could nor wanted to forget. And that's basically all, Luke. I do not think I have anything else to tell."

− "If you allow me again, I would have something more to say about yourself: what happened this morning. It is that I don't know if you are aware that I've heard the words that Mr. Weissmann has addressed you when you got out of The Golden Eagle. They were bidding so that you presided over the company, isn't it?"

− "It is, Luke. It was that."

− "Then, if you allow me to ask you: what did you answer?"

− "I have not been able to give him an answer. It is difficult to explain, but I would tell you that what happens to me now is that I don't know who I am. I should have immediately answered that I accept, but something was preventing me. I could still do it, I'm still in time, but I do not see... I can’t see that presiding over the Thuban Star is what I want for my future. It is not easy to make me understand."

− "I understand you, my beggar."

− "What for would I like to be on a throne, away from those I love and..." –and suddenly I interrupted the sentence. I had nearly overlooked the vocative he had just used.

− "Luke −I said shedding real tears−, you've called me beggar. Thank you."

− "It has been Urgency. When I really understood that you needed it. And if you look closely, all this time you have lived as a beggar, with the few things that really matter: the beauty of memories, of friendship, even evoking scarcity must have provided you some light. Inside your sheets you've gone cold; and remembering our hunger, you felt hungry. You've gone through the early stages of the journey of initiation to be happy in life: setting aside everything that does not make you happy and stay with what truly does. You've survived thanks to your memories; we remembering you, because you have not been one more, you'll never be one. You moved us all: me especially, because effectively you are dressed in commotion. And you said many sentences which are golden for me. But I am especially remembering one that you said on your first bonfire with us, nearly healthy again: "If forgetfulness is a demon, get thee behind me." And really you've exorcised oblivion. With a man like my friend Nike we will always live in your memories and we will be, if you wish, your anchor for each time you have a bad time. And in that case, you already know where we are."

− "if I'm going to see you."

− "You will come and see us, Nike. The inner battle is over. You already know the outcome. Trust in yourself. And if I may return to what happened this morning, Nike, suddenly there appears a dirty beggar on the corner opposite and you embrace him with real affection. I'll never forget that image of you with open arms. I do already have the nails so that that landscape of friendship that I had of you in the summer does not fall."

− "These past two months I was sometimes haunted by a few words from your wife that you may remember. You were at her side. She told me this: "When thou seest us, thou shalt know us."

− "Yes, I remember them"

− "Every day I remembered this challenge, saying to myself: "not for not going to see them, you are going to avoid bump into any of them at any time. And what will you do then?"

− "You would do exactly as you did. Those words were not a challenge..." - I interrupted

− "They were a constant challenge to the sobriety of Nicholas Siddeley, who would prove to himself if once he arrived at the moment of truth, he would know how to behave like a real man should do it."

− "I don't like to see you hurt yourself with the knife of reproaches. But in that way, I feel once again the best of your blood. We are like brothers. I saw myself clean in Lucy’s eyes one day and a good summer day, clean in yours. Let me try to make that from my brother Nike’s eyes dirt goes away. My friend, do you really think that when you finally saw us you could have acted differently? Look inside yourself and think of us one by one. Evoke the other six images, and tell me the truth: is it not true that to each and every one you would have given the same hug you have given to me?"

   And then I did what he asked. I imagined the other six one by one and then I really thought that I would have really responded in the same way. I calmed down in a sense until he continued talking.

− "Nike, the contest that you were in on the recognition was really more difficult with me –there I was really fretted.  But in every conversation with Luke we went from a shaken sea to an ocean of calm−. Do not get nervous. It was more difficult because you and I talked about friendship. In fact, if you remember, it was you who first named the sacred word. And I could see, excited, that a man until then unknown would have no problems in wanting to be friends with a beggar. And friends we are now. And we will always be. Life, a harlot on many occasions, often makes that you are separated by time or distance from your best friends. But despite it, one can recognize, near or far, his best friends. And perhaps with the other six, I don't know really, you didn’t talk clearly about friendship. So it was more difficult with me. And don't fret over the future. Or do you have still any doubt that when you see me again, me or any of the other six, you would do exactly the same thing?"

− "What happens to me, as you can see, is that I have no confidence in myself. And you may find it insane, but at that time, if I hadn’t known you, my heart would have broken out forever. Perhaps that is the reason why I could not find an answer this morning to Mr. Weissmann: the undeniable fact that at least at this point in my life the most important thing is you; and I have not dared to take that step, but I would always like to be by your side."

− "Look me in the eye, Nike. I've allowed it to you so far because it is very important to let each person shed the blood of what he has inside. But after this moment I will have to use severity. This is not always a whip, a rebuke or a punishment. Many times it is a painkiller needed to at least alleviate enough headaches, a word in its right time, to undress the certainty that you will always have my friendship and that of my fellow mates. From the day I met you to today your path has been full of dignity. Of dignity, Nike. I hope that, whatever you think, you are now sure of Luke’s opinion about his great friend Nike."

− "Whenever I talk to you, you make me see things in a different way. I need you, Luke."

− "You need me. Have you stopped to think how much I need you? It is not enough to love my wife or to know who I am. We all need a best friend who can see you with different eyes. I don't know if I am a moron, as you used to refer to yourself, or a good person. But in the mirror where I look at myself I always see myself, if not as I am, as I'd like to be. If you remember your own words, all my fellow mates gave me one day a slap in the face. But I needed the one you also gave me, a slap of tenderness that joined me to you as a twin brother. Is it clear for you now?"

− "Thank you for your words, Luke. I think that it is very true what you say, we are already friends and we needn’t stop being. But you may agree with me that so far friend Nike has not proven his true friendship."

   The lamb cooled. And neither of us had tasted it yet. It is not easy to explain, Protch, that at that hour, we were stripping truths, tears, and feelings. And at times like that hunger disappears. At least my hunger. Several times I was tempted to tell Luke the truth of my love for him. But perhaps that fourth day of October wasn't the right day. It only mattered that I saw him again and he seemed to like me. He showed it again in his following words.

− "Nike, my friend. I still see you with many doubts about whether you have shown the friendship which we discussed in July. Then I made you a few questions. Now perhaps I will ask you again the same ones and some more. And do not be afraid to tell me what you really think. I would still like to know your opinion on some things. Shall I start?"

− "Go on."

− "Do you believe me to be an idolater?"

− "Luke... you've had a dark time in your life, which I was lucky that you told me. Now, if we are indeed twins, I go through a different, but equally dark path. You've spoken to me a couple of times of lights. I think that your wife, your child, and your fellow mates are lighthouses. And with their clarity, it is not possible to lose orientation because you know, without a doubt, where your harbour is. Idols are worshipped, and no doubt in your time with the bald people, you did. But on many occasions they are already no good for us and we forget them. You no longer need those totems and your fellow mates are the calm waters of a pond, imagine, which has no shores, and its boundaries are endless. With the needle of the compass rose you'll never lose yourself again."

− "Oh, my God! –I heard again his favorite exclamation−. And you still believe, Nike, that you have not shown your friendship. Okay, next question. Do you think that I am a child, a childish teenager, or that I'm really a man?"

− "A real man, Luke. And together with your wife, you both grow and you evolve every day. Your fellow mates must see what I notice. How you assume us as we are, and not only you can read us, but you write us with right lines. I am not able to see even a single atom of childishness in you or your wife. The two of you are, a man and a woman, wonderfully real."

− "Thank you, my friend. Now I will ask you a couple of questions I've not asked yet. Tell me what you really think. Be as brave as you have already shown me. Let's see, Nike: what do think about my smell?"

   That question was a delicate one. And I could not avoid it without giving the true name to things.

− "You want to know what I think of your scent. Of your smell of sweat? Of your dirt?"

− "You have never protested, perhaps not to offend me. But true friends must talk about everything. What do you think, Nike?"

− "I liked you very much and I like you still. Those things don't matter to me."

− "That I perceive well. Dare to go one step further. Why doesn't it bother you?"

  And as I could not answer because I love you, I was a few seconds trying to see what his smell reminded me.

− "Perhaps the happiest time of my life was my childhood, with my grandparents, always surrounded by water, trees and cats. Your scent evokes me the smell of the wood of trees in Siddeley Priory."

− "Awesome. You have given name to all of us, believe it or not. And they placed me at birth in a wooden cradle. Tell me something else."

− "I guess Lucy likes your smell –but I soon retracted my opinion, interpreting my own feelings in those of his wife−. It is not that. Lucy loves you. And in any condition that you are she will still love you. You must have been clean many times before her."

− "Many times, I have. Although still you have not seen me like that, I do not allow myself more than one month without having a bath. But why do I do it?"

− "It is not easy to find out –and at that time, for a few seconds, I knew the answer. But it escaped me immediately. It was the first of many times that I had that fleeting idea, feeling that it was very important to hold it−. Let's see, Luke, I would say that a man like you, in full youth and at the height of his strength, would often do so, i.e. would get clean very often. Not wanting to offend you, I would say that then, for some reason unknown, your dirt is deliberate. But I cannot know why. I had a flash when I thought I knew the answer. But it has gone. Would you not tell me?"

− "You are very right, Nike. It is deliberate. But I will not say why, because I know that my friend will eventually find it out without my help. Indeed, there is a reason, for me important. Quiet, my brother. As I know you well, I know that sooner or later you will find the answer. Let me ask one more question: what do you really think about the fact that Lucy and I have had a child in misery?"

   Each new question was more troubling than the former. I only knew that I had never reproached them. It was difficult, but not impossible. I had to dive on the inside in search of solutions that my heart had already given to the enigma.

− "You see, my beggar –it was the first time I dared to call him thus. But with his eyes, he thanked me−... If only you could have a son in wealth, I would say that three-quarters of humanity would never be born. Lucy and you have the right any parent has to extend yourselves in a son. And if you think it is not enough, and even if you think that I am not answering, look at me, Luke. My 29 years, my last alcoholic experiences, and more sadness than joy, if at this time in my life someone asked me if I would congratulate or blame my parents for bringing me to life, what do think that it would be?"

− "I understand."

− "Luke, I don't know if you really understand. Let me finish, because you could understand the opposite of what I'm trying to say. If at this point in my life someone asked me that question, I would answer that I am sincerely grateful to my parents for having brought me to this world, to freedom and slavery, to beauty and ugliness and the moments that we must pass a test, to happiness and pain. Life, with its many faces, is always a gift, and I am thankful to be here, tears or not. When your child is older, and if he was asked one day that question, he would answer something similar and thank you."

   How to start eating? Luke was crying, and not for the first time, in my presence, a cry of gratitude. I removed the bread from my hand, and intended not to start before he began.

− "It could not be otherwise –he was moved and said−, my twin criticizes himself for not having shown his friendship and in every word or every gesture he does again. And again. So even in your absence I could tell you what my friend Nike did. I can still remember, my beggar, that on August 6 you went a few minutes to talk to John. Well, I don't know of what you spoke –he tried to calm me, as if he were sure that I didn't want to talk about that−, but I think that at some point you had to mention me. And my wife. And I believe it, Nike, because the vision that John had of us two did change. Since that morning, he seemed to see me as he saw me when I arrived. Now he searched for me frequently, he wanted to exchange opinions with me about almost everything, and I had a new respect as if his eyes had been previously full of sand and now were suddenly clean. But most importantly, it was shown in his words that he had returned to his first impressions about Lucy, considering her again intelligent and insightful, as he had always believed her to be. And perhaps his opinions have spread to all our fellow mates a little. Luke is no longer adorable, or Lucy childish. Bruce has also changed. But I think that in his case it was not due to John. It is usually rejected the idea, which I agree with you, that Bruce is very intelligent. But he is cleverer than it is supposed. It seems to me that in his case he was guided also by you, but not through John. He used to have you in such a good consideration in summer, no doubt thanking you your way to judge him, that surely he saw in your eyes the impression you had of me. And so different Bruce is now that at the moment he is one of my best friends."

− "Tell me especially about him. I miss him so much, Luke. Have you ever noticed anything different in his health, any danger...?"

− "You are thinking about the prophecy."

− "I don't know if it is that I cannot believe it or I don't want to believe it. But I can't help but think of that every day."

−“I have not noticed anything, calm down. And he was frequently swimming in August and some days I was with him. I think the last time was on September 15, when he decided to wash for our wedding. Nothing has happened. You gave him the mastery of water and whenever he dips into the lake, he thinks of you."

− "Luke. Tell me, please, what opinion everybody has of me. With sincerity."

− “There is no bad opinion of you, let me start there. In any case, some doubts. Mistress Oakes has the absolute certainty that she will see you again. She is not suspicious of you. And what in her it is security, in Lucy and me is true faith. Not a single second we have doubted you. Maybe Bruce is not sure when he will see you again, but he’ll be waiting for you with his best smile. I would say that John knows some reasons why he should not expect your return immediately."

   And seeing him hesitate about the other two, I asked:

− "And what about Olivia and Miguel?"

− "It is difficult to know what my dear Olivia might be thinking. In her words you can always see how much she loves you, the good memory you left her. I cannot assure you... well, if she believes to be going to see you again. But if she talks about you, she does so really moved, as we all do. And as for Miguel, well, I will not cheat, he likes you too but I think he has some kind of security that he will not see you."

− And however, I like him, Luke. I could not forget any of the words of Miguel. They were often rather than challenges, needed spurs, light guides that I have not always followed, but which showed me the way."

− "All of us like you."

− "Luke. I cannot stand it anymore. To have seen you has been the necessary stimulus. It has to be tonight or never. I want to go to your outskirt and finally embrace you all."

− "You know that you may come whenever you want."

− "It is true. But if you've understood me before, I cannot pay a simple visit. I need to do something else. To feel like in summer. I want to sleep with you. Tonight at least I don't want to sleep in Deanforest."

− "One of our codes says that you must make yourself understood without speaking, and that if you want to learn, you had better do it without asking. I could not let you keeping a poor opinion about yourself. And that is why I have spoken. But I don't know if you've noticed that actually I've been holding my tongue. I did not want my tears or my blood to produce you a tsunami.  To sleep with us did you say?"

    Tears and blood were all the ingredients. Of them I participated, and Luke with me. If I have already told you that hunger is not only the need for food, eating is not only ingesting. It must be something else. Our hearts were poured, and tenderly we devoured ourselves. The lamb was looking at us sarcastic. We hadn’t tasted it yet.

− "Yes, Luke. I want to spend the night there. But listen to me: I don't want to steal Bruce his tent again… And less if I have to bother the others. I'd like to have my own place there. For tonight, or perhaps for many other nights. To say that among you is already Nike’s tent, to see you frequently and be there with you."

− “You know that comfortably Bruce would lend it to you again, happy to sleep in "the house" with the pleasure of embracing you."

− "I know, Luke. But I don't want to do that to him. If necessary, I would be the one who sleeps in "the house", and at least I would have dinner there with you. I guess that now in autumn you will continue doing your bonfires. Tell me if it would be more or less possible to find a tent."

–“We could search for one in the landfill. From there are almost all of them. Olivia and Mistress Oakes managed to bring theirs from Knights Hill. They bought them at the Salvation Army, in a shop in Castle Road. If we had known your wish beforehand, we would have sought one for you, but now I... do not know if we will find something in the landfill worthy for you to sleep in."

–“I will seek in the landfill. And if not, I'll sleep in the house. But not in Deanforest, not tonight. Luke... –I hesitated now. I knew that more than ever it was going to be difficult to make me understood−, you have already called me my beggar. And do not believe that it offends me or that your words have been hasty. This is what I want to be. Back to see you, more than ever, I cannot be a gentleman of beggars. In summer I missed many things to know. I have to know it all, in case that fate is awaiting me, as I want to. I don't know if you'll understand, but I would like to go to the street today."

− "Are you sure, Nike?  We are going to love you just the same if you don’t."

− "Maybe you think I am going crazy."

− "I will not believe that. You know that, whether it was madness or not, I also did that and I have never regretted being where I am."

− "Yes, Luke. I want to go to the street. Give me only, please, some indication of where to go, the best time, what I have to do, etc."

− “Are you thinking of going to the street alone?

− "All of you must have gone alone some time."

− "Sometimes we have. But John and I did not start alone."

− "My idea, Luke, even if it seems nonsense, is as follows: I want to go to the street this afternoon, then return to the Torn Hand and sleep there. But in the morning I would return to my work, and again, the afternoons and evenings, a beggar. I cannot preside over the Thuban Star. Now I know it. It is not for me. But I need to continue for the time being in my work. Although I still cannot even explain why, I need to continue there if things go wrong or something does not go well. Or if my resistance was less than I thought. Still I need to know the street and Shame."

− "I'll give you then the information you asked me. But remember, Nike, that at any moment you can withdraw and don't think that I will think badly of you for that. Hours or places. You may already have guessed that we are often guided by mass hours. We know by heart the schedule in all the temples, of so different confessions. But often any place in the city is good for us. Today you've seen me in Longborough Street. And if we are not approaching a church, there is no convenient time, but more or less lucky days, depending also much on the weather. I don't think this afternoon, for example, be a lucky day. The sky is full of clouds threatening rain. But in any weather we continue doing our job. And in terms of what you have to do... it would be easier to explain it if you let me go with you."

− "But you must go with Lucy, Luke."

− "To the street you may go alone or accompanied. In couples fueled by love, like Miguel and John or Lucy and I, or by friendship, as Mistress Oakes and Olivia. As surely you know, of us seven, only Bruce goes alone. But since our son was born, Nike, Lucy and I are not going together, we cannot go together. She preferred to stay to take care of him in the morning, which is when I go out into the street. When I return, I take care of him and Lucy leaves. And so at all times one of us is in the street and the other one is taking care of our little king. And Lucy won’t mind to be all day taking care of him and that I do the work of both from dawn to sunset. Not much, but something I will give her already and she will be happy to know where I am and with whom. You must decide. But if you really want to go, for me it would be a pleasure to accompany you."

− "For me it would also be a real pleasure to go with you. But Luke, I don’t want to have any responsibility in your hunger. And I have already stolen you some valuable hours –and looking at his dish, I asked− will you not eat?"

− "Nike −he said with some severity−, I will go to the street with you. But I want you to promise that in no time you will go to the limit of your strength for wanting to show me a friendship that you have already widely shown. The aim is only that you come to see us and get a bed for tonight or for whenever you want. And then I will ask you again. If nevertheless you are still determined, your friend Luke will accompany you. But I hope it is clear enough for you that at any time you can go back. I don't care if you resist all afternoon or just five minutes. I'm not going to like you less for giving up. If you have this clear, I will answer now about my food. There are many days, even for beggars, when there are some conversations that fill more than food, as well as the stories soothe cold. I will not eat, Nike. But I think you should. If you want to go to the streets, you never know what kind of a day you will have. Or if you will eat."


 

    Second black mass. Luke had satiated without tasting the food, and second was to reject lamb and wine. The tears of his body were the flesh and blood his only drink. With the heart and the soul of Nike he entered into communion and chose to bite him, a vampire predator smelling of nights of fires, with tenderness and accepting the true religion of the naked feelings, the friendship of two werewolves who will devour each other.


 

− "I do not seem to be hungry either, Luke. And if tonight hunger must come, so be it. But at the moment I'm not able to eat at all. You can well see that eating lamb when being with any of you is impossible –I smiled−. From now on, I will have to eat fish."


 

   I will have to eat fish. The precession of the equinoxes had already made that the sun in spring does not enter Aries today, but Pisces. So that Nike could travel from the old Polar Star to the present, his precession should move him from Thuban to Polaris, and perhaps the compass of the northern sky of that October 4 already placed him in Ursa Minor. And just opposite, in the ecliptic, with the thrust that Luke had just given him, his navigation in the Zodiac might also have varied, entering Pisces safely.


 

− "Excuse me, but I will insist. Are you sure you want to go to the street this evening?"

− "Completely sure, Luke."

− "Then... I could not tell you before. I didn't want to move you precisely to this. You have wanted to know the opinion all of us have of you. And something I still have to say. You see, Nike, August 6 should have been a day of true happiness for all, or at least for Lucy and me, but both of us were, however, in the midst of our joy, all day melancholy. It was a strange day of arrival and departure. There came our son; you were leaving. But the day that you left our outskirt looked like a funeral. Our fellow mates joined us in our happiness with an impossible to cure pain in their hearts. And at night, they could not stand it anymore and... two men wept. Yes, my friend. At the beginning of the twilight, John, who had not dared to do so before by the jealousy of Miguel, suddenly could not be stopped and poured some bitter tears, with no hope to see you soon again. And already in the bonfire, a convulsive cry shook us all, an unexpected eruption of heartbreaking anguish. I think that after the spasmodic sound that came to us with real shock, everyone followed as a cascade. It was a man who has not been able to forget you, whose face will forever carry your name in his eyes.  It was Bruce."

   Bruce. How much I loved him. It was impossible to try to stop them. Without a latch in my eyes my tears broke off. My heart gave me a new upset to put myself in my true place. But today, tonight, I had to be a beggar, I had to go close to him and assure him my friendship. How many times throughout my life I believed that I would die without a retinue. There were, however, those who cried for me. They were my land, my names and my surname, my only lights, my only wishes, my warm stars. Still crying, but with an unknown determination, I told him.

− "Luke, let us be practical. It is three o’clock. And I should go first to Deanforest. Because, well, I see the clothes I am wearing and I do not think they are the most suitable ones for the street. I need to change clothes. And I want to walk to Deanforest and back to your outskirt. So, calculate the time, but I guess that I'll be there at about 4."

− "At 4 then. A necessary exchange of tears and hugs with everyone, of words and news, and next we will go to the landfill. If we find a tent, it will then follow a short interval to mount it, and return with them to speak a little longer. In those moments I want you to be aware of my eyes. I'll sooner or later make a signal. The signal that it is time to go. And if you are still in the same decision, we will leave together then."

− "Where to, Luke?"

− "Do you have any preferences as to places?"

− "None. I'm hardly sure of where you move. I'll go where you want to go."

− "Leave it in my hands then."

− "Good. Shall we go? Have no doubt that soon you will see me again."

− "I have not the slightest uncertainty, Nike. Let's go. And see you soon, my friend."

   We finally left, Luke to his outskirt, to inform his wife that that afternoon she would not have to go to the street; to talk to his fellow mates of my arrival and my intentions; I went to the counter to pay what we had not eaten. In the table, some cigarettes and two soft drinks consumed. And the lamb intact, as a joke to my years of affluence. Maybe we should have eaten it. But there it was as a signal that when you really love, hunger cannot defeat those images of tenderness. We had eaten each other’s hearts. And we would continue hovering around them, scavengers, as far as a hazy dawn would not dissolve our bones. In my delirium I started to pray to the fireplace, begging it to continue giving me the necessary heat for that afternoon. "The mantle and refuge of your flame, of their seven flames," I said, "is what I need." And so dressed up in fire, I finally said goodbye to Luke, to go like other afternoons to Deanforest, and contrary to my custom of the past two months, to turn around to return at the end to my country.