CHAPTER XXX: STAINED GLASS WINDOWS

   I wanted more. An insufficient blanket of sleep had covered me as scarcely as the sheep skin coat. Sleep had come to me soon, but it was uneasy and sore, on an extremely cold night, more similar to a winter night, in which, continuously shivering, I often woke up startled. But with enough light to remember where I was, now in Nike’s tent, I slept again at once.

   The true light reached me almost at dawn. Luke had come into my tent and shook me affectionately. I had enough lucidity to know that I was in the outskirt and that my mate was waking me up. To see his smile every morning... If only it could be all my life like that. I looked at my watch. It was ten to five. But Luke was speaking to me.

− "I have been awhile trying to wake you up, My Mate. But don’t worry. There is time enough."

− "There is time enough for one who is able to walk, My Mate. Let me see how I walk this morning."

   Since that night I always went to bed with all my clothes on in autumn and winter. They were wrinkled and, with that light, ashy and dirty. I stood up. It was like being upright over a field of needles. And that morning cold crushed my bones. With hunger, extreme cold and difficulties to walk I was going to have a day presumably heroic. I didn't really know how I could go to the streets. Something of all this I said to Luke, who told me not to worry about the afternoon, but about the morning.

− "So far I have spoken to Lucy to change our schedules. Within a few hours she will leave, and I'll go in the afternoon with My Mate, if he still wants to come and if he can –and he repeated it with emphasis−, only if he can. Or else, he will stay here like a good boy and his mate will go for both."

− "What a mate I am then, Luke. Whatever it is, I'll go with you again."

− "We will talk about that in the afternoon then –but at that moment I couldn’t distinguish what strange bundle he was carrying on his shoulders and wanted to hand me−. It is a stark morning. It is very windy and you’ll notice it on your skin. So I bring you this –I had not remembered to search for something to cover me. But Luke had thought about that. It was a jacket that he offered me, beige corduroy, somewhat dirty, but not too filthy and with hardly any rags. When I protested asking him what would protect him from cold, he said he had another dark tone cotton jacket. I did not know then whether he was lying to me, but sometimes I saw him with it on−. You will have time enough, My Mate, believe me. Don't unnecessarily waste your strength. You had better have a coffee first. Indeed, coming here, I've seen that Olivia is already up. She is preparing one in a bonfire next to her tent. Go with her. I go with Lucy to sleep a couple more hours. And remember that yesterday evening you allowed me to live the honor of being your mate. And you cannot go beyond your strength. We love you, Nike. Go with our blessing."

   And with this new approval he departed to his tent. I went to the fire and the coffee which Olivia was preparing for me. I tell you that I went, but it was hell for me to get there. More than five minutes. My feet had not improved with rest. The blisters were nails, a hall for that new via crucis of October 5 I should have to live. But Olivia, who saw my difficulties, came to me and patiently helped me walk to the bonfire. Once assured that they were blisters, and as I was having my coffee, she said:

− "I will have to buy some yogurt −I did not understand why, but she went on− in case you come tonight."

   In case you come tonight. Despite the fact that I had only spent a day on the street, the fact that some of them doubted hurt me, but I did not speak out because I still had not shown them anything. And what could I tell her? Was I sure that this would be my final path? Due to her conversation, I figured that everyone already knew my intention to go to my work, as every day, and return with them every evening.

− "I don't have anything to eat, Nike. Maybe if I wake up someone..."

− "Don't wake anyone, Olivia. I'll try to bear it."

− "Neither the first night nor the morning after are the best moments to talk about the street. I will not ask you any questions. Have your coffee in peace. Some heat it will bring you."

   But the heat was not brought to me by coffee, but by her presence by my side. We were a good while silent but oh that accompanied loneliness, that first dawn of return with them! The bonfire was a bridge of living lights. I had not lived the morning twilight yet but it was that hour prior to dawn, full of changing shades and colors that slowly turned into white. Olivia was wearing a multicolored dress, striped and shaping a varied rainbow in shades of fire and fog. The tongues of the fire turned them into a pure red, a bleeding green, white or yellow gold transformed into smoke. To illuminate all that glass now I only needed, slightly deviating my eyes, to see again some will-o'-the-wisp. This time it was a dingy yellowish hue. But the deceased lights were not what concerned me that morning, but Nicholas Martin's future path, a shadow, a corpse, or perhaps, if previously there was not an exorcism, the fact that the infamous Siddeley continued occupying Nike’s body. That’s why I was watching the will-o'-the-wisps with a bitter face and Olivia, who must be following my eyes, said:

− "We also see them sometimes at this hour, mainly I, who wake up so early, but that’s why I never face south.  Don't look at them, Nike."

− "If I have seen them, I'm again with you. A will-o'-the-wisp does not trouble me. It is the shock that I did not expect to find it."

− "I have been almost a year here. I've had time to get used to them. I do not fear them; but they are a disturbing reminder of where I live and what my circumstances are. But when the light of day finally comes I calm down. My life has been thus: lights and shadows, the same lights and the same shadows that the street has. But sometimes beauty is also in dead things. These are fires of dead people; but their clarity reminds you that you are still alive. No, these lights are not what concerns me this morning, but the wind."

− "The west wind is blowing −I said, as if I was beginning to be an expert now−, and I have to go in that direction."

− "You will have to walk headwind. I hope that the west does not change into a southwestern wind and I have to spend another day with it."

    Olivia and the southwestern wind. Will-o'-the-wisps. Everything was familiar to me. I was already in my homeland, frozen, bare and surrounded by the landscapes that had taken possession of my soul.

− "This jacket is my son-in-law’s. I recognise it well. It is dirty, but it is the best shelter you can find in the outskirt. And when my grandson cannot sleep, and we assume that it is because of cold, sometimes we cover him with it. Tonight has been cold, but he has slept deeply. He must have felt comfortable that you were so close to him."

-"Thank you, Olivia” −I said really moved.

   I had already drunk that comforting coffee and I had to start going or I would never reach anywhere. Olivia had been repairing my soul with her bright every morning serenity. I gave her a kiss and stood up.

   Luke’s jacket gave me warmth and shelter but the bloody cold petrified my hands and face. The wind was blowing in whispers of frost, hissing and shaky. I was almost in Millers' Lane then when I do not know why I turned my head. And at that moment I felt a shudder. It was a solemn starry morning and many people have confessed to me that they have sensed the shock watching that sight. It was not enough to know it from the books; it had to be observed in the skies: grandiose, magnificent, majestic, there was the Hunter. They are more than seven stars those of Orion, but I glimpsed him with a bow and a shield, whipping the Taurus, further to the west. From the Great Hunter to the little king, give me forces, lights of the sky, so that I can continue in this icy shadow.

   In grey whistles I walked on Millers' Lane, shivering and at snail pace. In antlers and arrows the wind was punishing me. Five minutes are needed to go down Millers' Lane and Alder Street, but it took me sixteen. My intention was still to go to Deanforest first, but I decided to walk Dingate Street and if I didn’t have time enough, I would resign myself to go only to the Thuban Star.

   Finally I saw the remains of the ancient gate of din, only a relic now, some stones of what once was an arch that used to mark where the city west was, now only the arm of a spectre, a derisive tongue that seemed to mock me. If hunger haunted me, cold in those instants was murdering me. Whether I had felt some shame or not the previous evening, this was a morning of temptation and of it I was walking dressed long enough. I saw myself sitting in the living room of Deanforest in the midst of burning flames and surrounded by culinary delicacies. I felt an unprecedented desire to call it my home. All I needed was a piece of bread, to appreciate the whisper of the flames in the living room fireplace, to have a shower. Or at that time a little money for a taxi. They were already with me. But the temptations made me place myself for the first time where I had never desired: I could go and visit them every evening and then return to my fire, my bread, my shower, my books, my work. But I knew that anyway I had to give explanations on the Thuban, and I thought maybe they wouldn't allow me to continue working there. In my financial situation, that did not have much importance. I could easily find another job, or I could perfectly live without work. But the world that I had feared to lose, was I sure that I could afford to lose it? Can I really live without them? I imagined doing as Anne-Marie had done, assuring them that I could be a friend for life. But to live like them? What madness! I did not reach anywhere, either with my withered feet or with my deteriorated mind.

   Dingate Street is fairly flat, but in my condition I was finding it uphill. Shortly after the remains of the gate of din my eyes stayed looking at a name found by chance on the window of a shop: Disserenascit. I remembered an interview with Mr. Alexander Burne, who had come to our company to negotiate something on behalf of a brother engineer who, from what I understood, these days was ill. He had to converse with me. There are times when it is necessary to talk of other things and with Mr. Burne it was easy. I asked him about his interests and he was telling me that he was an antiques dealer and he was going to open a shop in Dingate Street. He told me he would call it Disserenascit. He left me speechless with the name, but he told me: "it is Latin, Mr. Siddeley. It means “time calms." A daydreamer, affable man he was, talkative but with a tiring speech, affected, archaic, close to 60, but sure what his path was and his priorities in life. I did not know what to answer. I imagined that the name would not attract customers, but then I thought he was an antiques dealer; perhaps an outdated name was good for his business.

   I was for five minutes looking through the glass of Disserenascit. It was an exhibition of lamps, carpets, furniture of yesteryear. The space was crowded of junk that I didn't even know what they were or what they are good for, or rather, what they were good for. I had been watching an ancient bronze statuette, a girl with an umbrella. I don't know why these things remain in your memory, but there is still that little girl, years later. But then my mind was lost in a picture hung on the wall, a beautiful representation of motherhood, perhaps Virgin Mary with her son, but I was not sure. I remembered then Lucy with the little king in her arms. It was a well needed rest for my feet, but I ought to continue walking; and I soon realized I was walking and crying, in my mind the memory of her and her son. But I also noticed that just when my eyes were beginning to rain, the wind had ended whispering and stopped. A few steps from the shop I said: "you were right, Mr. Burne. Disserenascit. "Time calms." And God from his throne must be contemplating the morning.

  I reached a new corner. I had to choose walking down Longborough Street or down Havengrove Avenue. With affectionate memories to have found Luke there, I would have chosen the former, but with hunger, at that time dangerous, I didn't want to go to the two bars where I could have eaten and I had not. So I decided to go down the latter.

   But just around the corner, I still keep in my memory a little incident I would say that saved me. I met an insolent young man with clear signs of drunkenness. Perhaps at that time he was going to some home to sleep. I saw him really angry by the casual collision. So much that he did tell me:

− "Get away, you beggar."

   A word can change your life. Or the need to listen to it. I remembered Anne-Marie in summer telling me I resembled a beggar. But resembling is not being. Yesterday afternoon Luke, for the first time one of them, had called me beggar, and he did so, I thought I remembered, twice: in The Silversmith where we did not eat; and later his words in my tent, his sweet chant which began "What dignity and what beauty, beggar", but no one, not even my mate, had called me thus on the street. But I had to correct myself: Luke had called me beggar on the street directly or indirectly. But only him. I needed to hear that word from the other six and from people from the other side. Because I had not even heard it in the Exclusion, in The Sword. They had not allowed me to access, but from what I remembered, it had been with these words: "No one can enter who has previously been on the stairway of the Basilica." And finally I heard that vocative from a perfect stranger who thus called me. No doubt my scarcely dirty clothes, much wrinkled and soaked by rain, plus Luke’s jacket, made me now have such a clear aspect of a beggar to be given that vocative by someone. The reactions that we have in certain moments of life are strange. That little incident was for mine transcendental, so I still remember it and that is why I am telling you. It shaped me definitively; it gave me a name, a body, a history. When the young man left I had to sit on a window sill. But this time I didn't blame my poor feet. Unaware of it I started to laugh: at last someone had said my name. I, who had lived my entire life surrounded by numbers, to resurrect I needed words. That morning I was really a beggar. I realized that the few passersby looked at me with elusive or impertinent eyes. In only a few hours I had changed my social class. Now my skin was of the same substances as that of the seven. Exhausted feet, fierce Hunger, Exclusion, deadly Cold, Dirt and wrinkles, full Scarcity. I was living all the negative signs, except perhaps Shame. I had just known even deadly Temptation, which almost crushed me. But when all those motifs by Verôme reached me, I noticed that at last my Shade was ending. All these things the seven had lived, all their lives or nearly a year, in Luke’s case. Or just one day, I added myself proudly. I saw a beggar from time to time, at that time, drunk and staggering. What did they and I have in common? In addition to my alcoholic past, which I didn't want to remember... Yes, what was it that was coming to my head? A few words from Luke... strength, perhaps it was that. Not to allow misery to defeat you but to face life the whore. Everybody has a different story and a different reason, whether because of necessity or because of choice, here we have come and here we will continue. Here I will continue! I repeated firmly. When they are hungry, I will live it with them. When they cry, I will cry; when they laugh, I will laugh. To share your life, to be one of you, to follow your path either in beauty or in need. Fate could hurt me more if what I feared, Luke’s reaction when he knew about my love, was fulfilled. But what depended on me, I had already decided. Maybe I should find another job, but this morning I will face them all, will give explanations and tell them my new name and my new circumstances.  

   I was still walking and my feet were no good, but with a different face. There were no more temptations. Since that time I always knew my share in fate. Now I only needed to see what the number was that its dice showed me. It was then past six o’clock: I began to consider I would not have time to reach Deanforest. I would have to give explanations at work about my previous day on the street and with the clear aspect of a beggar. To retain my job was not in my hands, but I was going to fight. Shortly after I saw some lights I had forgotten: those of the tempting window of The Shining Bread of Dawn. My mouth was watering when I watched the place where I had had my last meal. There were other suggestive brioches and a wide display of tempting food. Mr. Siddeley could have acquired the entire assortment and all bakeries in the city, but the beggar Nike had no money to buy anything.


 

-As you were telling me, Nike, I realized that for some reason that brioche was important. Now I understand. It was the only thing you ate in 24 hours.

− In more than 24 hours, Protch. I was for several minutes looking at the bakery window. But I had gone to the street the previous day to educate myself in hunger. In those glasses the greatest lessons of my education advanced.

−I understand. Never in your life must you have spent so many hours without eating.

− When I arrived at the outskirt, the night of the snake, and all subsequent day I was, as I have already told you, thirty-six hours without eating. But then, my stomach full of poisons, I was not hungry. Not counting that day, I had never been so long without any food, not even for twelve hours. Not even when I had a stomachache. Not even in my drunken years.

− Does alcohol kill the desire to eat?

−It makes your desire to eat sleep for a few hours, but you finally eat. It is not hungry he who has money to buy food. In my toxic years, I ate reluctantly, desiring to go soon to a bar in search of more alcohol. But I don’t remember having felt in those moments the sensation of hunger. It was the first day, Protch, but I have lived many ever since. But don't look at me thus: I know that you want to be sure, but if my word is enough, you can have the absolute certainty that I eat every day or almost every day.

−Then I am glad that you've had breakfast today with me.

−So am I, Protch. And precisely brioche. It has been very evocative. Forgive me, but I have to go.

− You won’t have breakfast tomorrow with me again, will you?

−It’s ok. I have to say yes to something. I will have breakfast with you every day, if you wish.

  And with no more words I went home. The next day, Sunday, I found myself again a decorated kitchen. This time it was not brioche. There was a tray full of sweets, cakes and biscuits. I didn't want to abuse his generosity and I did not eat a lot, but I ate something, and from then on I did so all the days that were necessary for me to finish my story. That Sunday I continued my story in the kitchen. I knew well that Protch was better fed with my words than with delicacies.


 

   Finally I decided to leave The Shining Bread of Dawn behind me and I already knew that I had no choice. Going to Deanforest would only make me come late to work for the first time, and I did not want to do it on the day I needed to fight for it. But at that time I imagined that I was going to find the Thuban Star still closed. Anyway, I walked towards the main door. Indeed the company doors were not open yet and I stopped to think if they would not be from then on always closed for me, as a new Exclusion. It was about twenty past six, I could not be there until 7, in a morning of ruthless west wind which might reappear. I thought I could wait until they opened in Vicar’s End. Some of that time I spent in getting to the alley with much difficulty, but being such a narrow passage, the west knife would not penetrate. I walked to it with a north course in my thoughts: to sit on the doorstep of the bar door until the main door was open.

   Vicar s End was that morning a narrow, dark, icy and dirty river, neither rich nor poor, a parenthesis between both situations, the most humble area of the thriving urban centre. It was an ideal place for life to place me on that October 5. I sat exhausted in the cold grey doorstep of the bar of the Thuban. I heard the cleaning workers in Castle Road. Shortly after the garbage truck came to take a container, without giving me the time to fall into the temptation of searching inside for something to eat. The employees saw me but did not want to look at me. I was beginning to get used to it. Only one of them addressed me a polite "good morning". In that cold hour I started to realize that appearance is everything. For anyone who could see me then, all my past and my ambitions didn't matter. They would think that I was just a beggar who surely was there sleeping drunk. Even without the west wind I was starting to freeze, but that morning I discovered the power of covering your shoulders with your hands. In two minutes some warmth began to run down my body.

    There, almost in a fetal position, I was for five more minutes, reviewing my life and my circumstances with a strange certainty of knowing definitively who I was. I could almost lose it all, but I could make myself no reproaches for what I had been doing the previous day. I had been doing the right thing. Someone I saw looking at me for a second in the nearby balconies, and watching me with indifference in his own affairs. I imagined what that person might have been thinking: "a drunken beggar. But I don't think that he is dangerous. But he could have chosen a different place for his drunkenness. Hopefully he will leave soon." Yes, definitely the glass of my kaleidoscope had moved and I already looked with my eyes settled on the side of the beggars.

   My thoughts were suddenly interrupted when I felt the bar door opened and the face of a man I recognized immediately was coming out, but I understood that he had not realized who I was, with that poor light and my appearance, so different from what he was used to see. However he began to talk to me.

− "Come in, man. You must be freezing. The front door opens in half an hour and then you will have to leave, but... –he didn’t finish his sentence. At that point something he must have seen in my face that suddenly he recognized. I could see the huge impact that was for him to have seen me there then with those looks and from his reaction I was guessing how the others could react, those from upstairs, the raiders- Nike!"

− "Good morning, Richard. Do I have to go when they open the front door?"

− "Do not speak nonsense" −he examined me without criticism, with the kindness that only a good friend is capable of showing−. In the bar you will not be cold. Soon the others will come −then I knew that the back door gave access to the interior of the bar. It didn’t take me long to leave it and find where to sit. Also to Richard I had to give some explanations. I noticed that he watched me but said nothing about the torment that walking that short distance was for me.

− "I'll make a coffee." –he said.

   In the Thuban Star coffee was then 70 budges. I only had 50. I said this to Richard.

− "Thank you, but the truth is that I do not have any money to pay you. I could bring it tomorrow from Deanforest and meanwhile I owe you. A coffee can be very good for me now to warm up. But I don't know whether I should accept because I do not know what they should do in this situation."

− "Nike −he said to me sincerely−. You aren't going to pay me. I'm going to invite. We are friends, are we not? If you refuse this coffee, it will mean that you don't value my friendship. And I will also invite you to something to eat. I could swear that at the moment you are hungry."

− "Richard, you are putting me in a difficult situation –I smiled− of course I value your friendship and I see that I have no choice but to accept this coffee. But having said that, I could have a problem with you if I do not accept something edible. I have been 24 hours without eating anything. We beggars have our codes, but as I still do not know them, I must necessarily be guided by this orientation that they say I have. They all must have been here before. Please, please, don't think wrong of me. Give me a coffee. But nothing else."

− "Okay, Nike –and examining my look again−, I won't ask you any questions, and I don't know if you want to tell me something. But if you want, I swear to listen respectfully."

− "I will not deny that I was yesterday on the street and..."

   Coffee was already made. But my attention was diverted because of a strange light which I had never before noticed on the Thuban. The bar door was open and through it the window of the façade could be seen inside. It was dawning and an eastern ray illuminated that corner which faced west. A luminous clarity lit the faces, mainly of Castor and Pollux. Jewels of fire their eyes, they seemed to meet mine, and I started thinking as answering to them. "It’s me now who goes in search of his fleece. But I already know both of you. You are my mates. Wait for me." The Argonauts... There should be six more images. But perhaps history does not tell that with them were Mistress Oakes, Olivia, Lucy, Bruce, Luke and I. But the dye of the waves gave Miguel and John a calm and spiritual aspect. I remembered Luke saying the previous evening "this city has no cathedral".

   But when an autumn dawn bursts, its light is the beautiful shyness of a maiden who takes off her clothes for she has been among obscurities a prisoner. Soon she bathes in warm glows and once naked, she still has time to undo her hair. I had not yet watched a stained glass window at that time and realized that beauty is made light without temples. This city does not have them, "but you and I, My Mate, yesterday made of our friendship a sanctuary of spilled luminescence.

− "This city does have a cathedral, Luke." –I said, according to all appearances, in a loud voice.

− "Have you seen Luke?" –he asked, quick to catch my murmurs

− "I have, Richard. Surely you've noticed it in my appearance or my difficulties in walking. We were in the street and, as you can guess, begging. But I don't know if I will have time even to summarize you the long day of yesterday. I didn’t come to the bar in the morning to greet you, because Samuel Weissmann came at that time to my office to make me an offer I do not know if I could tell anyone. But I am sure that I can tell you. Keep it secretly anyway."

   While I was drinking that necessary coffee that was giving me strength, I was telling him the most important events that led to my reunion with Luke, but at that point he made me stop.

− "Nike, sorry to interrupt, but you've talked to me with fear these past two months. Do you see now how you would finally know them?"

− "Luke's favourite tagline is it could not be otherwise. Ultimately, Richard, you've also been right, but remember that I did not deny that possibility to you. The option of knowing them was always in my mind, but I was afraid to react otherwise."

− "And what was Luke's attitude?" –he looked at me again knowing what my answer would be.

− "He was giving me his friendship throughout the evening, overnight and this morning. I am surely being unfair to him. But I'm so frightened, Richard..."

− "You know that I only know him from what you tell me of him, but I'm more increasingly sure. Luke will always be your friend and I think he needs you. Stop fearing. I will not tell you, as Anne-Marie does, not to be a beggar. If that's what makes you happy, do it, but without fear. Join him in life with your head held high. So far you've only shown him respect and I know that you will always do it."

− "Thank you."

   Then I was telling him that we sat together to eat at The Silversmith, but that we did not. And the impact that it was for me to finally hear him calling me beggar. Later I told him my return after two months to the Torn Hand and the tears I cried when I saw them all. I was telling him the search of the tent when he interrupted to say:

− Wait a minute Nike. I have to open the main door. And it is now a quarter to seven."

   In his absence I was considering which facts were really important because I knew that I would not have time enough to list him even the main ones. And I didn't know whether I would have another chance.

− "I would like to at least summarize −I told him when he came back− what happened in the Basilica. Because it is true, Richard, that there we were, and in the surrounding area, for about two hours. But I won't have time and I will tell you only the basic facts."

− "You may come here later."

− "I don't know whether I might come today to the bar, because I don't even know whether I will keep my job."

–“So clear is it already for you?"

− "No, Richard –I laughed bitterly−, if fate has a contract with me, I am only fulfilling my part. If it depends on me, I've already decided. Now others have to fulfill theirs, on the Thuban and the Torn Hand −and seeing that he was watching me and did not understand anything, I added−. Walter Hope saw me. I already have almost absolute certainty. And not when I was just begging. Luke and I were then looking for food in the garbage, which we didn’t even eat; it was filled with rats. But at least let me tell you that long before it was a lady that came from the direction of Knights Bridge who put in my hand the first 20 budges of my new story. I'll never forget her. Nor what happened next. Finally Luke called me my mate” −I said with pride and a broken voice.

   He nodded again, looking at me as if his face was wearing an "I already told you", and I was trying to explain how hunger had led me to propose to Luke that degradation, but previously he stopped me again because of the distribution of the money.

− "Then you are telling me that Luke had 60 budges and you 50. It doesn’t look like him to have more."

− "He finally had less, Richard. Those 30 budges of the hat he cannot spend. Surely this afternoon he will drop them into the hat again. And when we come back this evening to our outskirt, we will also distribute what there might be inside the hat without them, which we will need tomorrow."

− "Is it that you are thinking of also going today to the streets?”

− "Every afternoon I will go with him now, whether I keep my job or not."

− "Forgive me, Nike. But as I am sure that Luke likes you, I think that your mate −and he stressed the word mate− will not allow you to join him today. You can go to the outskirt, because I know that I will not convince you otherwise, but you already have a tent. Stay there."

− "I will go to the street with him, even if I lose my feet." –I repeated with obstinacy.

− "Then I'll have to be severe with you and tell you that if you still desire my friendship, now it depends on what you answer me. I'm not going to deny you that you go wherever you please. But you're going to accept a dain from me to go back to the Torn Hand by bus. And don't tell me that you may go to Deanforest for money or that you can take out some in a cash machine. Don't even bother to return me the coin or give me the change. Here's the dain. And now tell me what you're going to do with it."

   He was a friend and I had to finally give up. He was also right. If I went back to the outskirt on foot, I couldn't go back to the street. I accepted it.

− "And now you can tell me, if you want, what happened in that alley with Hope."

   I kept talking to him of the steps I followed, of Walter’s look, if it had really been him, fixed on me, the rain, the blisters, something of the way back, how I had finally slept in the outskirt in Nike’s tent; and of this morning I just told him the incident of "Get away, you beggar" and how something that simple had made me no longer have any doubts about what I should do.

− "And if it was Walter, and I will bet on it, everyone will know soon. And I am certain to be expelled from my job. Anyway, I wanted to tell about it. I don't want to go through life lying and if they allow me to continue here, there will be many days when any of them may see me on the steps of the Basilica or anywhere else. So I don't know whether I will come to see you today or any other day, Richard."

− "You can be sure, Nike, that if I don’t see you within a few hours, I will go tonight to the Outskirt of the Torn Hand. I already said that I am practically a neighbour. And in any case you may come to my house. My wife will be happy to receive you at last."

− "How is the small Crystelle?"

− "19 days of life. She is a very quiet girl so far. She does not cry hardly anything. Remember that she is only a month younger than your little king. But I see that Miss Beaulière is approaching. Let me tell you that finally, summing up one of your debates, Nike’s beauty has been stronger than the ugliness you saw in Nicholas. The ugly duckling has turned into a swan. And I will continue there, always at your side, trying to light up your tail."


 

  Deneb is Alpha Cygni, the star of the tail of the constellation of the Swan, so bright that along with Vega and Altair is one of the famous Summer Triangle stars. Nike was gradually making the three vertices of this triangle with the relationships, slowly friendships, which he was gaining in the Thuban Star, and that very day, recalling his last words, he would give Richard the star Deneb.


 

− "So you know –Richard ended in the presence of Anne-Marie−. Either you spend here today or tonight I'll see you in the Torn Hand. And if there is any problem, you can always come to my house, where you know that you would be well received. My wife wants to meet you, and if you are a beggar she also does −he looked at me defiant− do you remember my house address?"

− "St Alban's Road, 79, second left −he looked at me curious because of my way of retaining his address, and therefore I said−. Olivia is the second, and she is attacked by the southwestern wind, which blows from the left if we look at the north. When I was very young, I learned to find tricks to remember things. You see that I'm still doing."

   But Anne-Marie was already with us. She stopped when she saw me.

− "Nike! –she cried− for God’s sake, what have you been doing? Although almost I need not ask you."

− "You can guess. Do you want me to tell you in just a few words or would you prefer a wide summary? Yesterday I was begging with Luke. I know that I must not tell you precisely this, but please do not make me any reproach: I need you more than ever. I want to know if I can continue to count on you."

− "So you have finally done it. I always feared it. But I was sure that you would do it, damn the time... but no. If you don't want me to reproach you, go home immediately, have a shower and change your clothes."

− "That was my intention this morning. But look. I'll try to just reach the bar door. Look at me."

   But I didn't. I only walked two steps and she saw clearly that I was unable to walk.

− "Wait for me then for five minutes. I'll leave the car parked on the same façade. I will take you home."

− "Anne-Marie –I was emphatic−, thanks, but I am not going to go to Deanforest. Anyway, for the moment when the Board of Directors meets I already planned to tell them a couple of things, long before that was already useless −and I repeated what I had just told Richard−. Walter Hope saw me. The meeting is at 9, isn't it? What would you think if first we entered your office or you come to mine, and I tell you something else?"

− "Okay, Nike. Oh, my God, I am sure that I will have to go to the outskirt to see you and John. What madness! But this already I saw it coming."

− "You don't think that I am now allowed to work here, do you?"

− "At the moment I am unable to think and I can't tell you yes or no."

− "But you can be sure that I'm going to fight. This beggar you see wants to continue working here every morning."

− "Then we will see. But as I have told you many times, you will finally regret it. Well, before the others see you, and since it’s going to be hard for you to get to my office, let's get going. Good morning, Richard."

   After a difficult walk, at least we took the elevator, we entered her office, and there, with more time, I was telling her the gist of the long day yesterday. It was near the time of the Board when I arrived to the part of the cardboard boxes and the hamburgers that we did not eat. And to Walter.

− "Holy heaven, Nike, looking for food in the garbage. How would you like me to understand that? You have so much."

− "I know that for everyone it is incomprehensible, and I don't know what else to tell you. But I will try to make a new effort. I searched for food in the garbage because they have to do it, and I want to be exactly like them, not only a simple friend. And if you cannot understand it, I couldn’t give you any more new reasons. And now if you want to see me, if I'm still working here, you will see me every morning in the Thuban; if I’m not, you will find me when you go to embrace John."

− "I would go to see you both. I would have many reasons for not liking you. But I love you, Nike. We'll see if I finally find how to understand you and respect you. Don't ask for more. Either way you'll still see me. It is the time. And whatever happens you will enter next to me. You can continue to count on me. That is what you wanted to know, isn't it? You know that I am very slow in understanding some things, and in the outskirt they must think of me that I don't respect them too much. But I will end up doing it with everyone, and I see that also with you. This morning I will be necessary for you. I repeat once more: I love you, Nike. Count on me."

   My dear Anne-Marie is like that. You can assume that she has dived into darkness, when the streets of her respect for you suddenly illuminates with an unexpected lamppost. I had always sensed her good heart. And when she appreciates someone, she appreciates him forever, and whatever the new circumstances. Nothing could be more difficult than knowing that I did not love her. But there she was: by my side and ready to support me if it was necessary.

  Five minutes used in walking up to the room where the governing body had always met and finally I could see all their faces and they saw me slow in walking, dirty, almost a stranger that morning, a beggar who had entered their company without insolence. I could see all their faces. Walter Hope was already talking. Many explanations would not be necessary to the raiders.