CHAPTER IL: DIRT

   The elm leaves were already dripping, a fountain that cried a new litter of gold to the ground. They lost their clothes but they would have them on in spring again and new shoots would sprout. But they should not find clothing, like us, in the landfill. They had them inside, and the branches would be bedecked with a new costume in a majestic and perennial cycle. But in autumn the show is not looking at the trees, but looking at the ground. The Umbra Terrae Boulevard was one abstract carpet where you could see strange drawings of many symbolic sketches, of many incomprehensible charms.

   I had finished my day of work and returned with my wife down the eastern outskirts, watching open-mouthed the elms and on Blood Cattle Route the beginning of our ash tree grove, seeing how the Kilmourne, the poor River, took my soul southwards. It was October 4 and I could hardly believe I had been one year in the street, in which so many things I had lived, The Beggar of the Golden Cradle, who with them had resurrected and with their clay had been re-created. I returned down the eastern outskirts, with Lucy, because it was Saturday, an even day, and my mate was taking care of our children. We came from the Basilica, where we had had a good day. Lucy had convinced us that she had recovered and she was back in her job at Amanda’s three days earlier and late in the afternoon I was coming back with her.

   September passed with the only novelty of my dear Anne-Marie crowned in her throne, President of the steel, a queen among the sharks, reached ambition, I think that first woman in the city to lead a company, but a good ally always loyal with John and me, friend of everyone though with Luke it was more difficult for her. And Samuel, after talking with his family, had decided to stay at Hazington and remain in the Thuban Star as Norman Wrathfall or Harold Blessing did one day. What did the company have because either we left from there as beggars, or nobody ever left it? But for me it was nice to know that I would go on having Samuel’s friendship.

   My daughter Kirsten only shared with his brother the Rivers’ blood, but she was like him and never cried. She was a great sleepyhead but upon waking you could see in her clear look that she was going to be a very intelligent girl, always playful but rarely mischievous, a great lover of walks, good at eating and nice with everybody. She loved her grandmother a lot and Olivia did not have enough arms to cradle Paul and Kirsten, but she was reborn when having them in her arms and always offered to play with them. Also Nigel liked her a lot and he always recalled that he saw her birth, and was there every day, attentive to both, learning the paternity for when one close day within very few months he would need it.

   But there was a member of my family who had a stain in his eyes, a cloud that did not lighten its burden, who spent his days with a speck in the soul. I had no doubt of his love for Lucy or how much he loved our children, but with me he was affectionate and at the same time distant, he was not there, his body was passion, but his heart was every day a fire frozen by fear. Whatever it was, I could not allow this situation to go on.

   He was taking care of our children awaiting our return. I kissed him lovingly and I held a while my children, but with care - Paul was sleeping - not to wake him. Miguel and John were talking at the door of their tent. After a few minutes, I went to them.

− "John - said-, I hope you don’t get jealous now, but I want to talk with my fellow mate Miguel."

   I guess that my transparent face showed that it would not be a usual conversation.

− "Let’s go to the alder grove." – I suggested.

   The alders were leaning, attentive to possible secrets to be revealed. The sacred trees were also curious.

− "Miguel – I said-, today is October 4. I have been one year on the street."

− "Congratulations, Nike. But I don't think you want to talk to me about that."- He answered with some fear.

− "My family began one month later. All the three of us love one another and the five of us too. And I cannot go on like this. From some months ago something separates me from Luke, and I cannot do anything for him, because I don't know what it is. If I ask him, he only answers that he loves me and that the storm will end one day. I don't know whether having been a year in the street gives me enough authority to ask you this. But, for God’s sake, Miguel, tell me what happens to him."

− "You will hate me, Nike. Now, months later, I know that it was a big mistake. You know that Luke loves you. Is it not enough?"

− "Miguel, I am begging you. I will not be hard with you. I promise. But this situation must end now."

− "Okay, Nike. Your family caught me by surprise and I figured wrong things. What happened was..."- and he was telling me. I finally knew it. Holy Heaven. He had thrown garbage into Luke’s soul and it was not strange that with that dirt he didn’t feel clean before me. I had to talk to Luke. Now being petty or respectful to him depended on me. I understood finally why one day I had given Miguel planet Saturn. No doubt he had become Saturn "devouring" my children.

   I told him that I needed to think and wasn't hard with him. Among the trees and the roar of the river I was alone meditating for a quarter of an hour. Too short a time to imagine a tale. But finally I went back. At that time, Luke took care of Kirsten and Lucy of Paul.

− "Luke, I know that tonight you sleep with Lucy, but we have still several hours ahead and I want to talk to you. If you don't mind, we will meet now in The Cave of Beggar Sally. A few minutes to play with our children, and then I will be there with you."

− "I will go straight away, Nike." – He did not dare to call me "my love," or even "My Mate". His fear in those moments was an ectoplasmic outflow. But he walked towards the cave, ignorant of what his fate would be. My wife looked at me.

− "Lucy, my heart. Now at last I know - and I kissed her mouth with real passion-. I have to do it."

− "In you I trust, Nike. I know that you will return in peace."

   I found my mate lighting a cigarette after putting off a first one. It was not usual in him. It was obvious that he was nervous, awaiting us, me and his sentence. He was not inside the cave. I found him sitting on the same trunk of alder, in the same clearing, and I approached him the same jacket. So I dared to return him the words which he had previously addressed me.

− "You are frozen, my beggar: now the time has come that you were afraid of and the greater darkness surrounds you.  And if my poor jacket is no good, I'll have to surround you with my arms. That’s why you doubt whether I have come to bring you the peace or a sword and think that maybe it doesn't matter too much because you no longer have anything to lose. But if you allowed hot blood to run from your paralyzed heart to your eyes and looked twice, you would see that the only thing that I bring you is this damaged jacket which has already covered you."

   I put him the same jacket which, a year later, was still good for us.

− "Enter the cave, Luke. We have to talk. But stand at the end. We tell stories to scare away the cold, but he who wants to be the story teller, should be at the entrance."

   We had been there twice. And now, the third time, it was still narrow but a sanctuary of peace. He looked at me expectantly as I sat. And I had to be ambiguous. He could not then know my true opinion. Already sitting, I started.

− "A year ago, but fifteen days, here I heard from you the tale of Beauty. But you know that this motif by Verôme is paired with Dirt. And both are yours. Well, I have tried it, but you know well that I can’t invent with true inspiration, and I can’t think of anything coherent. But I'm going to try. And so they are paired, I must tell you the tale of Dirt. And see how I can't weave the facts that I'm going to start with a question: Luke, how much does a heart cost? It is not necessary you give an answer. Now I will start correctly."

   Luke watched me petrified. Upon hearing my words he had become a statue of horror. And he waited...

− "Once upon a time – I started – there was a beggar who was born in a wooden cradle. It is not surprising that from it he was getting some nutrients and that soon he became a tree of strong roots, which shook his parents, from very young, and his brother later, releasing moving branches of worlds created in his fantasy. The storyteller knows very well that a few tales he dared to write them and he has even read some, as that of the dog Jim - Luke was startled. He didn't know that I knew it - that toured the world in search of its soul. Because this man needed a faith and expressed in his writings his need."

   But tragedy soon was around him, and he had the misfortune of losing his parents and in a dark period of his life believing that he found a faith, he found idolatry and thus he ended up with the bald men and perhaps he learned ugliness with them. From this dirt he got clean in his motif by Verôme and already on the street, he met a woman who would be for him more than faith and love between them grows as the storyteller desires and that, my beggar, is not in question.

− "Luke, now I will tell you the dirtiest part of the story. But I will leave Lucy alone, if you like. She is clean. Tonight we have to see what dirt is separating us, but whatever we can have against each other does not extend to her. Lucy was born in the street, and she won’t leave it while her mother and Mistress Oakes remain here. And I'm not sure she wants to leave the streets later."

− "Thanks for that, Nike." – He said still with fear, but really grateful. And I... had to be deliberately ambiguous. It was necessary. I ought to follow.

   » The story should continue with a very dirty word: prostitution. One day of July came a man with obvious signs of having been bitten by a snake. After three days The Tree-Beggar and he met. And immediately he knew two important things: he was a millionaire and he had fallen in love with him. Heaven of possible things perhaps shaped itself anew, if this man was ambitious, to make him conceive a diabolical plan. He needed to confirm it and within two days he had no doubts. Lucy would fall in love with him also, but it took him two months to know. And days were passing, days of a friendship, perhaps fake? But the man who was born in a golden cradle and him became true friends. But one day he left. The Tree-Beggar was silent. He knew that man, in his innocent heart, loved them all and would return. A day like today they met again. Shaken, they didn’t eat, because he knew very well that the other beggar, trembling, fed on his blood and in his few words there could be an appeal to the street. And he accompanied him to the Basilica and spoke little because he knew that his few words stimulated him more to feel love and stay. And he achieved his goal: The Beggar of the Golden Cradle was not going to leave and in his homeland he planted his soil. But it was important not to mention money and they did not. On October 19, despair hit the victim with fury, but he had already designed a very beautiful story, the tale of Beauty. Another lure? To attract him more he conceived that the three of them could unite; this poor stupid man could share their son, and at the height of ugliness, he could have a second child with his wife.

   At that point Luke cried, really shaken and on the verge of bursting.

− "Here you have more or less, and with my little inspiration, the tale of Dirt. It was necessary. Luke, you have a good memory. Do you remember Nigel’s words on the difference between the macroposopos and the microposopos?"

− "The difference between what may be and what actually is."- He said terrified.

− "All stories are a macroposopos. But not so among us. We start from our truths and recreate them. For this reason I am Bruce’s Nile cat. And in the years when a woman should not continue studying, Olivia spent her teenage years learning other things, like chess, and she used to read. Meeting Alice again in Through the looking glass made her have the idea of the girl Alison who eked out a living not being either a queen or a pawn. And so far I have been telling you the dirty story of what may be. But we can move on to the microposopos. Luke, you want to know the truth? What exactly does Nike think? Do me a favor: take off your shirt, Luke."

   And in doing so offhandedly, I replied.

− "Here is the truth. So you mentioned yourself a year ago: "outlining blisters, weariness, traces of fires, pollution, shreds of mist, nights of insomnia, weeds, mud and splash, bone pain, marks of the furrows in the floor, vestiges of the wake that tears are leaving, nausea, endless tiredness."- Luke was on holidays. Since we started working in the bar, he had them in October and I had holidays in February. In fact, I'm on holidays, Maudie, Protch, that’s why I come these days in the morning. I don't have a single dain, but I've never stopped working-. You've told me that everything can be always seen in a different way. And I’ve told you an unreal, but necessary story. And if it is true that for your tale of a year ago they were good for you the names I gave you, I remind you that I called you Tree-Beggar, but it was you who called yourself Dirty Beggar. And in the end, my love, yes, I repeat, my love, Dirt has saved you. I had to tell you all this because today Miguel has told me the truth and I know finally what you have feared for months. A love I do not doubt of that could end up being for you a horror story. But leaving him, I finally put two and two together and I have found that fleeting idea whose solution tormented me so much. I knew it was important, and I did not know to what extent it was important for you. Money... Dirt, you had to put them together. Luke - I told him when I saw that he was still frightened-, look at me: I have never told you that I no longer have any properties, but I still have a fortune. We have never talked about money, but we are going to do now. I have already thought about how to get rid of it and I want you to help me. But today is not a day to deal with that. I know the answer, but let me ask you this question. Within a very short time I will not have anything. I do not doubt your love for Lucy or how much you like our children. And never, not even today talking with Miguel, I have doubted you. But answer me. When I no longer have anything, at that time, what will you do?"

− "Keep loving you, Nike, more than ever. I can finally make love to a beggar. I would like today was my turn to sleep with you. You have saved me, My Mate. I am clean."

− "I had to do it, Luke. Finally goes away that black cloud of sadness that you have in your eyes. But you do not know how frightened I was. It was terror that the prophecy could be fulfilled because of me. And I am not going to allow money to ruin both our lives. I love you, Luke. Your tale of Beauty is the heart of a man in love; they cannot be the words of a whore. I could have been one with William Rage, but you saved me. Similarly, you might have fallen with him and I would have responded with a big kiss: it is the indignity of our lives. But you would never be a whore with me."

− "I could not tell you anything, Nike; I had no right to tell you that I was looking forward to you getting rid of everything."

− "I know, but that is not my life, my love. The street and my family are. Let the rest of the world think whatever they want, but now you know what Nike thinks."

− "That is the only important thing, my love." – He dared at last to call me.

− "And Nigel also said that Tiferet is a sacrificed God. You're not Abram. You sacrifice yourself and not your son. And the words that I told you about Lucy are also worth for you. Once you fell in love with a beggar woman and you knew that you had fallen into our blessed trap. What would you like the money for, with your wife and your son here? It is better to live without a religion but with a faith. And you knew that on this ground you found it. And a few months later you fell in love again. A different man perhaps but you, what do you need money for?"

− "For nothing. I should never have had any fear of you, if in my darkest hour, you have saved me with what is really important: friendship and love."

− "Mistress Oakes told me a year ago that I would truly learn with you because I've looked through the dirty glass and if you go beyond the soot, truth comes out clean. Dirt was needed to make me see, Luke, you are Beauty. But a year ago you did dare, in this very cave, to talk to me about money. And you talked about it thus: : the beggars had been excluded from this cancer in the world, and preferred to stay in the need because they know well that there are thousand intermediate steps from the glare of the first coin to the obscenity of extreme ambition, and the degradation is growing with the height. That’s why its damn name will not be again pronounced in this tale. Luke, I have the fortune to have been a year in the street, often with you, with whom I repeatedly learn. I also have the luck that you saw me as The Beggar who never Knew Shame, and although you once told me that in the street all of us had had some temptations, you have not known one motif by Verôme either and let me tell you that you are The Beggar who never Knew Temptation. Now I know that your dirt is deliberate and that it has to do with the refusal of money. Of so much being with you on the street, I know the relationship between both things, but don’t you want to tell me?"

− "I also told you that my friend Nike would end up seeing it, and now I know that he would eventually do me justice. I'll tell you, but before anything, my love, kiss me, I beg you."

   After a year together, that kiss had the taste of reunion, of something new. Though from my heart he had never fallen, in that forge we would melt again.

− "The night of my motif by Verôme I wasn't entirely clean. On my first day in the street with Lucy, besides not getting any food, as I've already told you, I was, like you were one day, having many deductions, because I was looking at every beggar I met, at every scene that appeared before my eyes. And I saw that really no one looks at us, but it is not always so. Sometimes it is the rottenness of William Rage; other times are Christians or other well-intentioned people who tempt you with what they call their way of redemption. But I at that time had just found my final faith and didn't want to be tempted to leave it and make unfortunate mistakes again. But they did not approach me because, you know, a dirty beggar inspires in the alms giver some ideas of alcoholism, drugs or mental illness. Then I decided that keeping my dirt I would be safe from temptations and from being wrong again. Now you know, my love."

− "Amen, Luke, My Mate, my love. Now I will always talk of you as The Clean Beggar. Let's go now: Lucy awaits us."

   Arriving at the "camp", our wife was waiting for us with confidence. She saw that Dirt had left Luke’s eyes and she kissed us strongly. "I love you Luke", "I love you, Nike", she answered. Nearby, Mistress Oakes looked at me inquisitively. She knew, I'm sure, what had happened and where we came from. Olivia, who was then taking care of our two children, and Bruce, who was chewing something thoughtful at the entrance of his tent, smiled. Miguel then came to us and said:

− "I apologize again, Luke. I'm really embarrassed."

− "It has all been for good at the end, Miguel. I had forgotten that I have been a year making love with Commotion."

− "And I with Beauty – I said, before Miguel could say anything, He also wanted to apologize to me-. At the moment I cannot say anything. For God’s sake, let me first think of any answer."

   On Sunday I went to the street with my mate and it was an immense joy to see a smiling Luke again. If it was not the ferocity of a prophecy, nothing could separate us now. And that night of love was a song to life, to beauty, to friendship, while passion solidified and became lava pouring down the slopes of our mutual confidence and passion turned into justice.

   On Monday morning at the bar, when Samuel came, Luke and he looked at each other again and understood each other and the former knew that I already knew and that I had understood and respected Luke.

− "Samuel - said Luke, now you have my permission to tell Nike my first conversation with you."

− "Nike – he asked me – would you let me invite you to eat, today at The Golden Eagle?

− "Any bar but The Silversmith. I would only return there with Luke to eat."

− "That was – he smiled at me - the first thing that Luke told me one year ago. I will call to book a table."

  Soon he came again to the bar and picked me up. I didn't want the meal to last much, because that day, October 6, it was my turn to go alone to the street. I remembered that Luke and Samuel had eaten together on 8 October last year.

   Down Castle Road, Samuel would tell me.

− "I walked this road telling Luke how I had been overwhelmed by your two allegations before the sharks and it was a time in which both wanted to be addressed informally and call each other only Samuel or only Luke."

   Both of us finally at The Golden Eagle, Samuel confirmed that he had a reservation, and they then came to accommodate us at the table closest to the large stuffed eagle, which seemed somewhat sleepy at that time, but which I would swear was waking up as our conversation progressed, or rather it was a monologue of Samuel’s. He already knew what had happened between Luke and me in The Cave of Beggar Sally two nights ago. We asked for Sunday Roast and he started talking to me.

− "I'm glad that you've been fair with Luke. You know that I like him and I started to like him just that day. He was really sincere and he soon learned to find what was really important."

− "Samuel – started Luke-, I think we're both here for the same thing. We really like Nike and we both have the same doubt: we want to know in which hands he is on the other side, the side of sharks or that of beggars. So I think that you should get to know me and I will say I will strip my heart so that you don't have any doubts and I think it is necessary to start with the important thing. I see in your eyes that you know, but don't be afraid; I'm not going to ask. I know that my fellow mate John Richmonds can confirm it. Meanwhile I sense that Nike loves me."

− "And assuming it could be so and supposing I know it?"

− "You may be wondering why I don't say anything to him to reassure him. And I'll be very honest, Samuel, and straightforward: because I also have the same weakness, because I love him."

− "I could not expect that, Luke, but I believe you. You have just left me speechless."

− "I guess you know that I am a married man and I have a son. My wife, Lucy, is the light of my life and I know that she also loves me strongly, and we're never going to separate. What will happen then? It is that there is much more. Lucy knows of my love for Nike and she does not object. But at the same time I know... that she also loves him, she fell in love with Nike in August; I on his first day on the street, which had moments at the end which made me like him more and more, until I couldn't help falling and I fell in love with him. All this seems crazy but there is a part that Nike does not know yet: he also loves Lucy. When he discovers that he will feel hopeless because he reveres us, we are sacred for him. For that moment, I have thought of telling him a tale to reassure him. But of all this nonsense, what will happen? Look, fate may have wanted to make three aimless hearts forever miserable. But if we are courageous, we can be very happy. Lucy and I have thought of the possibility to unite us three, be something similar to a couple of three. I don't speak still with Nike because my wife and I are waiting for him to discover what he still has to discover. At that time I will make him a proposal in three parts. It remains to be seen what he decides."

− "Right now I have hair-raising. But that proposition in three parts... is it because you would be a couple of three?"

− "It isn’t, there are still two more parts. Now I can see in your eyes that you appreciate me. I hope that soon you won’t consider me with a very ugly word. Look, I told you that I have a wife and son. Assuming that Nike should accept this madness, my wife would also be his wife, but what about Paul? He loves Nike as a father; Nike loves him as a son. It may seem insane, but Paul should be ours, of the three. And there is still a third part, but you want to know in which hands Nike is with me, isn't it? I want to have a son with him and I love Lucy so much that I also want a second child with her. This would only be possible if Nike engendered a second child with Lucy and ultimately we would be three parents and two kids. But what do you think of all this?"

− "I think it is a real pleasure to meet you, Luke Prancitt. I think Nike is brave and will accept."

− "But let’s mention the ugly word. Keep in mind that Nike has a lot of money..."

-"No, I can’t see it..."

− "I will say it without any mercy with me, Samuel. You could see me as a whore."

− "Luke, now I do see it. But I believe you. If you were a bitch, it wouldn't make any sense that you revealed to me in advance your, say, evil plans. You know that I know and appreciate Nike. What would prevent me to tell him? I repeat that now, more than ever, I trust you."

− "Thanks from my heart. I appreciate your confidence and the fact that you have invited me to eat, and it was necessary to tell you all this. But so one day you don't think wrong of me, I have to beg, Samuel, only thus I will always be clean in your eyes, please do not invite me more times."

− "Luke, I really believe you."

− "You do now, but put yourself in my place. I'm good at language and I might be tricking you. You could invite me more often and so I would not have to be hungry. Go on imagining. In your good heart, Lucy and Nike would also share the table, without making the effort to earn their food. This will separate us from our fellow mates. Go one step further. We are badly dressed and are cold sometimes. It is not a great expense for you to dress us. Look, these two months away from us, and he was not a beggar, Nike couldn't bear to think we would be feeling cold. That would happen to Lucy and me. We would now be one step further away from our fellow mates. But if you and I make a true friendship, then there might come to take care of my child's education or, if Nike accept, my children. Only his parents should take care of that. And later? Perhaps a house, a car? More and more away from my fellow mates. Samuel, I don't know if Nike has told you what I have been before being in the street - and then he told him his old time among the bald men-. Among other human beings, I hated beggars. Then I've gone to the other side and there I have found my redemption. I know that with them I will die. What would I want money for? In these moments Nike is afraid of me, I know. But because of the dirty money one day it might be the other way around and be me who can be afraid of him."

   It was autumn and the bonfire flames danced with strong brightness, but heat was in Samuel’s words telling me what Luke told him one day. You could recognize him in them. I was almost able to see him, hear him, and feel him. Then Samuel finally turned to me.

− "A man who knows the essence of what really is important. Finally I told him some trivial things about my life but I already knew what kind of hands you were in with Luke. And since then I appreciate him so much that I have even come to consider otherwise: in what kind of hands would Luke be with you. But you know that these past few months in the bar I have spoken with him often, and so I know that one day you called each other twins. And you are. Chapeau, Nike. People like him and like you, I told you once, are those I want to accompany me in life."

− "Thank you, Samuel, do you know? It took me some time to accept my family, but now I am not going to allow any of its members have a shadow in their eyes if it is in my hands to avoid it. Today it is Luke; tomorrow it could be Lucy or my children."

  Samuel had already gone two or three times to meet Kirsten.

-"Congratulations, Nike, for the family you have. And all of them I have to say congratulations for having you."

  It was true that the Sunday Roast was delicious, but time passed, and not for having accepted Samuel’s invitation, I would neglect the hunger of my family.

   But after all the afternoon was good. Back in our outskirt, I found Miguel looking at me with concern. I had to go to him.

− "We can’t go on like this. No war between us should begin. It will only be two or three days of storm. I have finally found an answer. And I have found it in your own words. You told me one day on the street that if you offended me again, you would tear your hands. Then I hope you can catch the symbolic heart that carries this message if I tell you: tear your hands, Miguel, tear your hands."