CHAPTER XXVII: HOMELAND

   A country cannot be just a piece of land framed with borders, an imperial army that defends them, a soulless flag waving trivially with colors, lines, or drawings on its cloth. A territory must be added attachment for its winds and its furrows, beings of blood and heart, residents of a story that is sometimes shown like a heroic cover, sometimes as a bloody doublet, and interweaves in the same fabric hopes and failures. They had their serene laws, without rigor and severity; they ruled their land always considering changing milestones of their fortune, with appreciation for freedom, beauty and friendship.

   Of all these things I thought while excited I awaited the time to see them, and I searched in my closets for an attire that, whether suitable or not for the street, at least it weren’t too ostentatious. I wasn't very sure either what to dress from the waist up or whether I should take an umbrella. I finally found a clear pullover to dress over a yellow shirt and not too flashy trousers of a subdued blue colour which, right or wrong, were my first clothes on the street. I remembered too to leave my wallet at home. Whatever it was, whether I got some dinner or not, I wanted to leave without any money. I was already in the garden when I went back remembering the book that John had lent me in the summer. This was the right day to return it. And at the second exit, I headed decidedly Castle Road, knowing this time it wouldn’t take me long to finally reach the Outskirts of the Torn Hand.

− "So he will arrive soon −Luke had taken advantage of this time that I had gone to Deanforest to tell his story at the camp, summarizing them our conversation without betraying my deepest feelings or reproaches, referring them my double intention of going to see them and then go with him to the street−, and I think that he has earned that, when you see him come up here, he has a great reception."

− "We will all embrace him with affection, Luke −said Miguel looking at him in the eyes−. I have hesitated before. I don't mind admitting that I was wrong. But still I keep on being somewhat skeptical and I don't know if he will come. Why today and not these past two months?"

− "He really loves us, Miguel."

− "He loves us in October and he didn't love us so much in August and September? Come on, Luke. I understand that he can be accused of nothing, and we will always remember him fondly and it is true that the days he spent here, he was not a simple visitor. Forgive me, I have fond memories of him, it is true, but I am not so sure that I will see him today. And I don't know if in his case it will matter, but he is a Siddeley."

− "I can assure you, Miguel, that's the last circumstance that Nike is thinking about –said then Mistress Oakes− He cannot come –and looking at me in the eyes−. Something makes it impossible for him."

 –“Something makes it impossible for him? He has had time enough."

− "There are reasons very different to time. You cannot understand them because you do not know his personal circumstances. Believe me, Miguel. Nike has wanted to come, but he could not."

− I think that Mistress Oakes is right −said Luke−. Time he has had. The distance is short. But he could not come to see us. I can assure you."

− "You two seem to know what you are talking about. Could you not enlighten us?"

− "Miguel –said then John−, believe them."

  And Miguel looked at him with new doubts, facing his partner and recalling that they had spent two months in the same fight.

− "Is it that you know something?"

− "I don't know anything. I don't want to know anything."−Miguel seemed even more uneasy with this answer of his twin.

− "The time that we see him again is coming −said Lucy−. Nike will come. Let’s all have our best smile for him. We just have to give him back the friendship that he wants to give us. Come on, Miguel. It will not be difficult. You've already admitted that you feel affection for him. Give Nike a big hug when he arrives. But of course he will come. Now he cannot behave otherwise."

   Up to then neither Olivia nor Bruce had spoken. She was so busy in calming the new unexpected tears of her grandson that she was listening as best she could but she didn't speak. But Bruce spoke then.

− "I never thought the day he left that I would see him no more. I know that he will come, but you want, Luke, us to give him our best smile. And when I see him, I am afraid that my eyes will be rain."

− "You can also welcome someone with tears, Bruce. Nike will thank them."

− "You all seem to agree that he will come – Miguel said-. All right. I’ve been wrong once and it may be that I am wrong again. We shall see. But however much affection you feel for him, affection that I share, I cannot participate of the same faith. I am not able to imagine him in the street. I think that if he comes, if he really comes, anything will retain him here or he will go back. But he may not go that far."

− "Fortunately or unfortunately –Mistress Oakes said−, when he met us, we were for him a religion. And sooner or later he must desire to be baptized in our codes and indignities. Of these latter he knew almost all without a single complaint, don't forget this. And he won't know what to do with his life until he has all the information."

− "Five past four -said Miguel with confidence−.  He should be here by now."

− "To Newchapel and back again on foot – said Luke-, not taking into account the time he may have spent looking for things in the interior of Deanforest, calculate... but he must be about to arrive. Also in The Silversmith we have not asked for any dessert. He has maybe stopped to drink some coffee. He might need it."

   These last words were followed by a silent and tense wait. Everyone wanted to see me appear soon at any corner, or perhaps feared a new disappointment. They looked north with an undecided face of hope and disappointment. Everybody was sitting next to Bruce’s tent and he, perhaps the more accustomed one to scan the contours of his geography, tremulously pointed at the north direction.

− "There's Nike –he cried cheerfully−. He is in Millers' Lane."


 

   I saw them when I was so close that I only had to go up the slope and kiss them. The land was no longer the carefree girl who puts on her clothes before everyone, dressed in hot sun and leafy trees. But the borders of the country that I remembered were the same, now bathed in the changing autumn light. The maiden was already a woman but had no hurry to become mature. The sun, sleepy in its cradle of clouds, wanted to wake up a while and become a lighthouse which showed me a dry and striated mantle of yellowish furrows over which stretched the green lanterns of the five tents. Some fallen leaves adorned the threshold stones, as a fruit of the slow stripping from that October.

   Halfway to Millers' Lane I could already distinguish them. They were looking in my direction, awaiting me with fresh, bright rainbow smiles. Perhaps though the sun was not pointing at them, close at that moment to its west, it framed their hair like an aura, and their smiling faces were beauty and tenderness. How nice one feels when he lets his heart do the right thing. To finally see them was such an intense thrill that, up the steep slope, I limped again. I wondered if they would have known something of the basilisk, but my legs hesitated due to the memory that the seven could bite.

  In a single glance I saw them all but Lucy. Someone must be taking care of the little king, I thought. Mistress Oakes, the first spark that built us all in the same forge, went ahead, again the first star, with open arms and a smile that invited me to embrace her. The sun disappeared a second among its sentinel clouds. And my eyes began to downpour so much water that my features there must have wrecked.

− "Dear Mistress Oakes –I began, weakly hugging her and filling her with kisses. The two months hadn’t made her look older. I saw no new wrinkles or white hair and her health was still strong. Oh, mistress, fifty years on the streets and you still seem young energy and food for the soul! −, what a pleasure to see you again. How I have missed you. But these past two months every night I looked up at the sky to see Antares. It was as if you were always there with me."

− "I was always there with you, you handsome boy."

    The sun got rid of its jailer cloud and now it was solemn brightness that gilded her hair and her eyes for a few seconds.

− "I don't know if my long shade is already ending −I said returning with her to the motifs by Verôme−. But whenever I see you, I remember that shade is not darkness, some light is still perceived from afar. And all of you, from the stars to the will-o'-the-wisps, shine as lights in my darkness. I can't help seeing you as my lights, arising from the very heart of the Earth. But I suppose you think that I'm going crazy."

− "I think that once again, though you may not believe me, you are reading me, because I was thinking about something similar. But don't forget that with Shade comes Liberty. And this long time of maturing must have been good, if you follow me with a bit of faith, so that you're able to, when the time comes, make decisions. And you're already doing it. Of Liberty you are filling. Now you just have to grab it well and keep it and with it on your shoulders you cannot avoid to ever see the world through other glasses."

   I could not find more words to say. But I had already learned that accompanied silence washed your heart with equal purity. For my dear mistress the two months had not elapsed and she was still looking at me through the same crystal. I did not greet them in chronological order, Protch. Don't you think that our laws are a dogmatic yoke. Just where they were, next to Bruce’s tent, I happened to have the joy of being greeted now by Miguel.

− "How are you? How well I see you!"

− "Nice to see you, Nike. Luke told us you would come but it was difficult for me to believe. I deserve it. With you I'm wrong again and again. I must not be hasty. Finally, whenever I have an opinion of you, you come to show me that I was not right. But I assure you that I am glad to see you."

− "Miguel –I answered−, I remember every word that I exchanged with you, one by one, and I can't honestly say you were not right. And if my life in summer was carnival, these last two months should have been good for me as atonement. Now I have to see if there is life for me after this long penitence."

− "Be cautious, Nike. Cautious and prudent. Do not rush. Capture the aromas of your world and follow the footsteps that you prefer. And when you find the scent that seduces you most, enclose it in a pot."

− "I will have to go slowly." –I acknowledged.

− "Maybe it is not a question of pace. Follow a path, yours, when you see the milestones which show it. But don't heed my advices. You can reach anywhere better without them."

   I was going to answer when I saw John’s urgency to hug me.

− "It is a pleasure to see you again and my eyes become a lake −he said in tears−. But surely, by your side, I will always remember the water. And it will be shaken water."

− "How is everything, John?"

− "Everything is in its right place, Nike. Everything is good −he looked at me now with some insinuation so I could feel that his words had then a double sense−. Here nothing has happened and everything is fine."

− "Then no doubt everything is ok – I stared at him, without daring to blink, but I wanted to convey to him the certainty that I had heeded his allusions−. I hope I can have a second to give you back Introduction to the starry cosmos. You'll see that it is under my arms. And maybe I borrow another book from you."

   And in his eyes I saw that he had read in me the need that we would soon have a conversation alone. It was just a second, because now I was going to have the good fortune to hug Olivia.

− "It is a huge joy to greet you, Nike. You have not changed at all. Your smile and your words are the same."

− "I hope I haven’t changed at all, my dear Olivia –I was crying again, as echoing her frequent sobs−. But I am not sure that the man who you used to know had some value –I took off her shoulders a twig that was on them. For a second she looked like a lush tree and, like all of them, sacred.

   Her face, illuminated of bliss and tears, reminded me, and not for the first time, a universal mother full of femininity.

− "How pretty you are! I hope you allow me to add you always are."

   And she had to notice that I shuddered. Something in her perfume or her priestess voice made me tremble, as if my nervous system was telling me that I had recently, perhaps, made a mistake, that it was not right to set aside the goddesses from me, that not for having already prayed to Eros in his altar, I had to say goodbye to the foams of Aphrodite. But Venus does not remain long in the sky when you're lucky enough to see it. I still didn't understand why, but after embracing me she went to her daughter’s tent. And in less than five minutes I saw the sun again on Lucy’s reddish hair, on her clean face, on her shining smile.

  But there was another shining light that was looking forward to hug me first. And when our eyes crossed, Bruce’s eyes became immediately a river, restless, turbulent, with the red bed and waters with fierce waves. And since then, I wonder how many different sources eyes have, but I, who had been with all of them a volcano spilling lava, was from everywhere a spring, a sea of tears, and a flood.

− "How are you, Bruce? –All the time we spoke embraced, as if not to embrace him could return me the terror not to feel him again, and they all could again become ghosts−. Every day, believe it or not, I was afraid for you. But Luke has told me that you can already swim with enough expertise and security."

− "Nothing will happen to me, Nike −his eyes were such a spilled flow that they couldn’t find their ocean−. I already told you that you should not have fears for me. Next summer we will return to the lake together −and noticing that I was still a sea of frightened energies, he continued−. I never doubted that I would see you again soon. And I know now I'm going to see you often."

   All this speech took him a couple of minutes. Among constant tears, it was difficult for him to say a single word, but he knew where he was going and, however, he continued. I was already abundant rain, but his last words made my eyes wet like lakes. I had spent two months doubting his welcome if we saw each other again, but his faith in me scared idolatries away and ended up with the essential purity.

   And Lucy at the end. Her eager smile was a bright symphony of shades, a fragrant garden of feelings. I thought I could read even shy love, but then I remembered that the man of her life, her husband, was right next to us. Her gaze broke my glasses, but it was not water, perhaps they were winds, my facial features. What could I say to her to assure her how I loved her, not causing Luke to be jealous? From Lucy had come a challenge that was finally fulfilled just as she predicted. I had to talk to her about it. My heart was shaking and sometime that day it might break again.

− "When thou seest us, thou shalt know us –they were the first words I told her−. I could never forget those words from you, even if you don’t believe me."

− "Nike, a heart is only tested once. And you will never again need to weigh it in the scales of justice. Finally you did the only thing you could do. It was impossible for you to have a different reaction. Do you remember the morning you saw the dawn with Luke and me?"

− "I do. I have not forgotten anything of those days."

− "The night was about to give birth. It had already bled in its morning twilight, cut by the glasses of dawn, and then it gave birth to its offspring with confidence. My birth was expected at noon the following day. And you were full of doubts, germinating from Nicholas the creature Nike. But, without pain, you did not notice that your offspring was coming. Perhaps this morning you've seen that you've already given birth, that your child, yourself, is already here."

   I never forgot those words. And the newborn had to kiss her then. And so that my caresses were seven again, Luke also wanted to hold me, second time that day, in his warm arms, with another tender smile and an unexpected "Welcome again, my friend."

   After this new tremulous embrace, Lucy suggested that we could sit, right there next to Bruce's tent. Its usual inhabitant invited me to have the other seat next to him. There was enough room for both. And everyone else sat on the ground around us. Well, not everyone. All but Olivia, who was back in her daughter’s tent taking care of her grandson. Mistress Oakes invited me to tell them my news. But I protested:

− "No, please, you first."

− "Here there is nothing much to say, Nike. The few pieces of news there may have been you must have heard Luke tell you. Life of beggars is monotonous when things go well. And as these two months everything has gone perfectly, there isn't much to say."

− "That is good for me: to hear that everything has gone well for you. I miss the conversations with you in the bonfire and to hear what kind of a day each has had. But, if I am persevering, they will return. But otherwise, Luke has told me –I got choked up−, Terence... –and I could not carry on talking.

− "Who could say that it has not lived everything it had to live before it died? –Bruce said− If I had to go soon – I looked at him fiercely, trying to scare away the ghost of the prophecy−, I have only not known requited love. But I have also experienced love. And the necessary friendship that one day I needed so much I have finally had in abundance. And new friends are coming –he looked at me−. So since we all have to die one day, in my last hour I will say that I have known everything in life."

   Bruce... As all of them he had his own philosophy and every new word they said were food stored in my learning backpack. How to get that I was never deprived of that bread?

− "Terence must have lived whatever was in store for it. And it has surely been enough. And in addition to Terence... but we still have hopes."

− "How long haven’t you seen Tessa?" –I asked.

− "I remember having seen it on September 16, when we returned from St Mary, from our wedding −said Lucy− and we all sat by our tents to have a little meal. That morning Terence, Telemachus and Tessa were roaming here. Ted we didn't see it. We scarcely see it in full sun. Since that morning, I do not remember having seen it again. Did anyone see it?"−but everyone answered they hadn’t.

   Two cats were no longer there. I started to look at the trees, almost counting them. Apart from Olivia’s great ash tree, the others seemed to be still in their place and all the trees I remembered had been respected by the gale. But I wanted to ask specifically for their health, and I looked at Bruce, at Luke and at Mistress Oakes. But the only one who had something to tell me was John.

− "I really tell you, Nike, that everyone’s health is just as it was when you met us. There is nothing to tell, but that I lost a tooth unexpectedly a few days after the wedding. Nothing else. I hope that you won’t tell us now a single day of flu."

   It was my turn now.

− "About health I have fortunately nothing to tell, unless loneliness is considered a new type of disease."

− "Did you feel lonesome, Nike?" −asked Miguel, looking at me with curiosity. It was affectionate interest now. Our few misunderstandings were always solved in the simplicity of how much we loved each other.

− "My whole life has been an island. And only for eleven days a door opened for me to accept, if I could, seven faces of loved ones smiling at me in a not-so-distant harbour. Oh –I sighed−, if only one day I could say that I do not need to be accompanied by any compass because I have finally found my Polar Star and I have been able not to lose again my magnetic north. But I guess that meanwhile, Miguel, I will stumble in life."

− "If I have understood correctly, and we have been your magnetic north, here we will always be waiting for you."

   We were talking for about ten more minutes. What I told them was not a monologue because hesitant, I did not know what events to refer to them, and every few minutes I was silent. But the words were not important. I could be fed for a week by a portion of their smiles, their sincere tears which were shed in frank joy to see me again. With the firewood of their friendship, they would heat forever a joyful flesh made up of skin, bones and blood. And in their scarcity I would never starve. At that time I had everything, but why did I suddenly have the feeling that the light of the afternoon still needed a wheat ear? Now it was sunny; the clouds were dozing and later they would wake up with their load of water, or maybe not. But I needed a different germination rain. I needed it to fall, but it didn’t rain. It was not the sight, Protch. My ears began to notice a vibration that soon turned into a tantrum. His sleeping time had hardly lasted, as if he knew that he should wake up to make me cry and let me learn once and for all what the nails were that I needed for my landscape never to fall. Finally the little king. He was again in Olivia’s arms, with a genuine voice of crying, as if he tried to convince us that nothing could calm him down. His cries were authentic, heralds who said that with those trumpets the walls of the day would break and night would come. His grandmother put him at finally in his mother's arms, but Lucy, looking at me with an unexpected tenderness, lovingly placed him in my arms. A miracle can be a few tears that suddenly stop. As if he had recognized the smell of my blood, two seconds after being placed on my poor cradle he stopped crying. A few minutes to recognize the camp that my body was creating for him and then he went back to sleep, safely, transmitting me the feeling, God knows how, that now he had everything he needed. And with him in my arms we continued chatting for twenty more minutes. "Don't be afraid, Regulus –I was mentally saying to him−, I won't go again or leave you alone, I promise." The latest wheat ear in my fields. With him my countryside was already full and I just needed to see if I could make the most of the harvest. I had spent two months feeling him incorrectly as my son. But even if he was not my blood, next to my heart he must be stealing some of my beats. The machinery would stop if the next day I would not stay there to beat next to them, next to him. I almost cried when I felt that now that I had begun to recover what I loved most, I had so much to lose, so much to lose! Not you, little king. Even if life deprives me of everything, however it cannot deprive me of you. I should be consistent with the decisions that I had already taken. I could not sink again. If I didn’t stay there, all my life I would seek in vain for a life preserver. And however... could I really stay there? Lucy and Luke looked at me tenderly. Noticing it I wondered again whether my life really depended on myself.

− "How I would like to see your star" –I said out loud now.

− "Have you been looking at them?" −asked me John.

− "Every clear night −I answered with a sigh−. I had to place myself in the darkness of Hammerstone Bridge to see the stars of the south. Even last night I saw Mistress Oakes there with her reddish light. And if I got up early, I could already see Bruce. Miguel and you I still have not found."

− "There are a few days in late March, early April, in which if you have patience, you will see all our nine stars. Bruce, Miguel and I briefly at the beginning of twilight. Then, almost all night, Lucy, Luke and you, and the little star that you now have in your arms –he smiled−. In the deepest hours of the night you can already see Olivia; and almost at dawn, Mistress Oakes."

− "I will have to spend a night without sleep, John. But I'll remember the date. I have learned the drawings of all the constellations of the south, the ones I was interested in. But I cannot be sure. Perhaps with a second book −I said, reminding him with diplomacy that we should have a conversation alone−, one which does not talk so much of the sun, the moon or the planets, and does speak more of the stars."

− "I think that I have the book you're interested in: “Night sky. Of how the gods became stars and planets." Come a second to my tent and I will lend you the book."

   With a look of security I looked at Luke, who made me a gesture as that he had understood. This conversation should not be extended. I didn't want us to take too long and get very late to the street and he could not dine. And with him his family.

   For a second time I entered his tent and it was again a guardian of secrets. John went straight to the book that he was looking for and put it in my hands. Night sky was just an excuse, but I had something to say.

− "John, I want to read it, I really want to read it, but I don't want you to give it to me now. If I find a place to sleep tonight, then I will take it there. Now I have to go with Luke to the landfill. And I don't want to be here a long time."

− "And also Miguel would be jealous again."

− "Would Miguel be jealous of me?"

− "Of any male animal. But I can’t blame him for anything. I am worse than him. Since you came here in August, we have frequently argued because of you. He fears that I have fallen in love with you now. And it is true that I have not fallen in love with you, but..."

   I looked at him with sincere curiosity.

− "That day of August I was not completely honest with you, but you were very brave and I dared not talk to you about some things because I didn’t want to cause you any pain. And I don't even know if now you’ll want to hear it."

− "I don't know what you want to tell me, John. But now, if you don’t say it, I will be my whole life with that doubt."

− "Miguel and I can fall in love with someone else, and we spend months arguing, but we always find that it is irrelevant because our love for each other remains. And after all, we have come here to talk about Luke, isn't it? - I looked at him in a shock. It was endless the chain of loves, reciprocated or not, arising from this outskirt of torn love−. Well, I don't know whether I was really in love with Luke. But if it wasn't love, it was something very similar. Even though I approached him frequently so that he didn’t talk to Miguel. Yes, Nike –he said confident when he noticed that now I did understand−, Miguel fell in love with Luke just when he arrived. And that night of the snake, before I found you, we were still arguing about him. We cannot live without arguing, as you can see, but our love is not lost for this reason."

− "Thank you, John. As you can see, all of us men fall in love with Luke.

− "Bruce does not. But also women love him. Luke is not adorable. But he is lovable. .With Lucy and you, now we are four."

− "Then everything is in its right place?"

− "It is difficult to try to find out what it is that Luke might know. But at least I can tell you that he doesn’t know anything from me. Nor does he know anything from Anne-Marie. I have often spoken with her about you and..."

−“Do you still find she is wounded?"

− "All of this has not been easy for her. But she really likes you, believe me. And after all, you did the right thing. And Luke... it would be impossible to describe to you how much he loves you or how well he always speaks of you, with genuine feeling. And the same should be said of Lucy. You were quite right about them, Nike. A great pleasure has been for me to rediscover my mates and a huge joy to talk to them seeing them without prejudice, through your eyes. Now I see him generous, completely tender and a good friend of his friends. He spoke of friendship with you and I really believe that you should not fear him, Nike. He will not despise you when he knows what you're afraid he knows. Remember that he respects Miguel and me and understands us."

− "I have no doubt that he can understand the love of a man for another man, John. But I don't know whether he would have the same reaction if he ever knows that one man is in love with him. Anyway, today and every day, I have to respect him. Him and his family. Friends forever, far from whatever thing that makes him feel uncomfortable."

−“I think that he knows perfectly well the feelings we have had towards him, Miguel and I. Nothing will be wrong, Nike. Or perhaps it is that now I see him able to move us with his tenderness and the image that I have now of him continues to grow. I believe that one day Luke will surprise everyone with his beauty. And meanwhile, don't fear him. He loves his friend Nike so much that he will never leave you alone. Forgive me, but I have to ask... According to what he has told us a while ago, you are going to the street. Are you sure, Nike? He will love you just the same whether you stay here or you go back to your house."

− "It is two months, John, since I am not able to call Deanforest my house. I could not say before the others that I have lived in a real desert. The obstacle might not only be Luke. Before seeing whether I would be able to stay here, I have to know it all. I will go to the street. And tomorrow I may know if my future will be fruitful. But I can't spend another two months without seeing you."

− "I can’t allow you to blame yourself for something that is false. Anne-Marie told us you were here the terrible morning of September 26. Mistress Oakes had already predicted it. Even your arrival."

− "Even my arrival? How was it, John? You can’t imagine how scared I was not finding you."

− "Mistress Oakes prophesied what would happen the very day 24, when still the city was quiet and nothing foreshadowed the awakening of winds that it would have the next day. And on 25 all her uneasiness was about Olivia. She told us that if we spent here that night something was going to happen to her girl. And you know that the great ash tree fell that night on her tent. And those who know her know that when she prophesies something we had better pay her attention. That afternoon I went to Anne-Marie’s and begged her to let us spend the night there. All of us went. And already inside, Mistress Oakes talked awhile with me, telling me: "Nike won't find us." She could say nothing more despite my constant questions, but I finally got clear that she insisted that you were already there. It was 4 o'clock in the morning."

− "At that time I was in your outskirt. May God bless her –and I urgently added−: John, let’s get out now. Let’s not make Miguel more jealous. I have many more questions to ask you, but we will now have the chance."

   Just outside his tent, I saw that Luke had just stood up. Miguel stared at me with obvious jealousy. He even asked me about the book and I had to answer that John had already given it to me, but I needed first to have a place where I could put it. I don't know if this answer was enough, but he said nothing. Luke was already next to me facing the forefinger, where we would go.

− "We had better jump Menhir Bridge now –he said−. If we found a tent, it wouldn't very advisable to cross it later with it on our shoulders."

   So we were going to start there. My legs at least were useful for me again. And once we crossed the bridge, we just had to walk 50 meters south, where the landfill begins. They say that this city has three; but I do not know the other two. I had been there in August and I knew well that it goes from bridge to bridge, from Menhir Bridge to Meander Bridge, along a narrow path towards which we were moving. On the east it is two kilometers wide, but the landfill does not lick the lake. Looking from there its bright mirror I had memories of the happy hours in the summer. I knew that now it was not the time to desire its cold water. Let alone was it the time to walk on the path which, free of rot, takes you from the lake back to the bridge. I didn't turn my head so as not to behold the menhir. I remembered my superstitious terror in August and did not want to start the afternoon with a bad omen.

  The steps we took were necessarily slow, surveying all that could be seen on the nearby black shore and turning our eyes into glasses to examine the inside in what our eyes would be unable to reach. Luke did not give me much hope. To find a tent, he said, we should come here every day and not give up. Meanwhile I looked at what I could. It is impossible to describe to you the most wretched part of our misery. The color of objects in decomposition does not always give you clues of what they were in their former life. But in autumn the stench is somewhat more bearable. I had only gone there in August, surrounding its foul-smelling ways, but did not enter. That’s why I tell you, Protch, if you ever go to a landfill, don't go in summer. But I can assure you that we go there frequently in search of clothes and useful things, but hardly to find food. We can degrade, but you must be desperate to eat in its dining rooms. In a container there may be recent food thrown before or shortly after its expiry date has ended. In a landfill, food is dangerous; you don't know how long it has been there. It is true that in recent years I've gone once or twice looking for food, but if it is either garbage or death, one prefers to choose what is at least recognizable. And I don't think that you even know the taste of orange peels, which is always preferable to a piece of meat in God knows what state of decomposition.

   And in addition to the organic waste there you can find everything. If we had had more time I would have had five or six books that I would be interested in reading. And several electrical appliances caught my attention , like moth-eaten corpses. I remember having seen five or six washing machines and a couple of freezers. And furniture, Protch, which could have given "the house" every kind of comfort. Although still there were inside it many of Henry Shaw's personal belongings, and if it wasn’t filled with more junk, it is because its space is essential so that there is more room for mattresses.

   Finally we came to the meander. But it was not the river curve that made us stop. They were other rivers, those of my eyes, that in a moment of the cruel afternoon found, startled, a bundle of white skin, wound of almost black blood and thousands of worms inside desecrating its mortal remains. It was next to the river somewhat away from the landfill. It seemed to have been bitten lethally by some ferocious animal.

− "Luke −I pointed out crying−... Tessa." −I didn’t feel strong enough to add anything else.

− "So it was here that it was −his eyes were also full of rain−. We have not come to the meander recently. A bite, ow. Some wild animal is nearby, Nike; there may be a scavenger that feeds on this rot. But don't fret. They usually do not reach the camp –and as if saying goodbye to a loved one, for our white cat really was, he added−. Rest in peace. Let’s get away from here, Nike."

  We moved away to the east, on interior roads, surrounded by real misery. And almost on the east, I saw something which resembled a much wrinkled tent. I pointed it out to Luke, who spent a few seconds feeling it.

− "I don’t know what to say, Nike, but it seems to me fairly small. I would like to find some more decent place for you. We should continue looking. We still have time."

   We still had time? It was now nearly five o'clock. I was worried about the time and suffered for him. My own hunger did not worry me yet. But as far as Luke had told me, after spending all morning in the street, he had not brought much to his wife. And to his son? Would we be able to bring anything to the little king? And I was sure that the last thing I wanted then was to spend that night in Deanforest. Perhaps "the house" would be a more worthy alternative ending, but it would only delay a day what I wanted: all of them saying that in the camp there were now six tents and there was also Nike’s tent. I followed him however reluctantly to the northeast end, almost by the lake. And its serene mirror made me remember that I wanted to walk there every day and for that I should first find my own place to sleep. And I protested.

− "Luke –I insisted−, time is marching on. And indeed, brother, the last thing I want is sleeping tonight again in Newchapel. What happened to that tent? If you look at it, I think there is enough room for me. I don't even remember that it had any cracks. Just it was colorless and full of wrinkles, for who could tell how long it has been there. And it was on a small mound a little away from the garbage. I wouldn’t even have to wash it first. It won't have any smell. Let's go back and fetch it, please."

   And I must have been so persuasive that he fortunately accepted, and we turned on our steps. To be the first time that I walked down there, it was me that guided him. I reached the mound where it lay, well oriented and without difficulty. We took it and I saw that, although we would still have to mount it to be sure, inside it there was room for two people without much difficulty. It was a poor, small, colorless tent, the others always called it the miserable tent, but it was also known as Nike’s tent.

    We didn't want to find again Tessa's corpse and we returned taking a detour to Menhir Bridge. Well, we had already achieved the first objective: I already had a tent. But we continued inspecting the landfill for I realized that I did not have anything to cover me. I imagined that the autumn would be cold. I recalled the cold of summer nights. It could now be like knives. Luke must be thinking the same because he told me that night he would bring me a couple of blankets, for Lucy and he had plenty. When I asked about Paul, he reminded me that he had his own cradle, and he was sufficiently sheltered. Anyway, my eyes, which were still looking at the landfill, stared at it with irony when I perceived, of all things, a frayed sheepskin coat. Of an indecipherable color, ochre perhaps, it was not very good to dress on the street, but it could be good to wrap yourself up in it before going to sleep.

− "A sheepskin coat –I told Luke with a mocking grin− I know it well. It is still part of my heritage. And for what I can see from here I would say that it is sufficiently warm and comfortable enough to dress on a chilly night. I'll take it too."


 

   Sheep skin. Nike had endeavoured to seek his own Golden Fleece that afternoon so that night he could already be next to the Argonauts. The symbolism of the fleece sometimes suggests the sun or new wheat. Golden was its warp and frayed and faded, his stellar navigation was, in a single day, along several constellations, as if he was in a hurry to travel in them all. And returning by Menhir Bridge to the ash trees, he was now ready to spend the cold night peacefully under the cloak of Aries.


 

   I would even have a threshold stone. Surprisingly, next to the coat we also found a flattened rock, still covered with dust and yellowish, which Luke, with a smile, said that it could be the lobby where I could receive my guests. But we had to jump the bridge. I was carrying the tent and Luke the rock. We decided that I should jump first; he would throw me later the tent and the rock and next he would jump. Everything was carried out without risk or damage.

  We were again in the camp. And now we had to find a place to install it. Luke suggested a space among the trees perfumed of shadows, on the south between his tent and Miguel and John’s. Close to Lucy and Luke’s tent was not the place I would have chosen, but it was an aromatic corner, I had no desire to argue with him, and besides, what could I have told him?, and I was in a hurry. I remembered some camp in my youth and it would not be difficult to mount the tent. I would not even need Luke’s help, who, however, was beside me ready to lend a hand. If one day it had a cover, that day we found none. It was what is known as a dome tent. He had not brought anything to hold it, but Luke went to his tent a second and brought a few stakes to tighten its ropes. Finally it was not more than ten minutes and once it was mounted I wanted to enter in order to see the breadth and recognize the odors and the color of my new house. There was enough room for me, and even somebody could spend the night without any discomfort beside me. It actually had no cracks and there was no scent of garbage. I put the sheepskin coat in, and a few seconds later John came with Night sky. My new property was filling. Luke placed the rock skillfully outside; in such a way that it really seemed a hall. And he looked at me, wanting to know if I wished to continue with the next stage.

   But he suggested that we all sat in a circle, this time next to my new tent, which all of them wanted to examine carefully. I invited Olivia and Lucy to occupy the threshold. The latter handed Paul some minutes to his father, so he could sleep for a while in his arms. Luke knew him well and was briefly flattering and pretending that he was going to bite his fingers. The little king laughed and decided to sleep again, but not before looking at me to make sure that I had not gone again. I looked at both tenderly. That's the way Jupiter must play with his children.


 

   And sometimes God-Fate has played atrociously with His creatures and has taken then to hard tests, impossible to understand. But when His order comes, o Abram, what will you do with your child? Will you be able to understand that so many times a human being  has no other choice than disobey him, if the son knows the father's madness? What will you do one day, Luke Abram, if fate placed you in front of the fierce temptation to hand him over? Sleep quiet, Paul, since your father has called you Regulus and never Isaac, and all eyes looking at you are friendly eyes. O afternoon light, put on all those nine characters' heads a laurel wreath.


 

  I still thought there would be a bonfire at sunset and didn't understand Luke’s need to waste more time. But he sat down again, as if he knew something I didn't know and understood my need to speak with everyone again in case at night I could not. After the inspection, Lucy began the conversation.

− "It isn't bad, Nike. You already have your hut” –she said joyfully.

− "Luke did not think that it was worthy for me, but finally I convinced him –and I also had to say something that was worrying me. The difficulty was to find the right words−. So I have a tent where to sleep whenever I want. But I wonder... it is perhaps a silly thing to say, but I would like to be sure, really, that for you my presence here is not annoying."

− "Look into everybody's eyes, Nike −Mistress Oakes told me−, and read in them the story you've written. I know how you feel, but we also need you. Don't have any fear about that. Your heart has bled so much here that we can no longer live without your blood −and as if everybody shared a secret which I will take long to know, she added−. And don’t feel lonesome when you return. You are already for us a fire and there will be other bonfires."

   I didn't understand all the words, but I thanked them. Everyone looked at me sympathetically, knowing what I would now have to face. I looked at Luke, waiting for a signal, unsure I would be able to notice it when it was made. But we were not going. Olivia changed the conversation toward books and I briefly named the four or five books I had read in August and September. I even mentioned some I had seen in the landfill. One other day, I promised, I would pick them up. I was sure of having found the ghost of Hamlet.

− "But I have read your Alice, Olivia, and I really liked her so much that we could talk about her one day as if she were a daughter we had in common."

 − "I won't say no to sharing a family with you, Nike."

   I was going to answer when I finally saw an unmistakable flash, a trapped light, which twinkled free in Luke’s eyes. It was nearly six o'clock; the time had come. I suddenly stood up not knowing what words of farewll I could use. Only a few tearful murmurs and a sobbing "see you soon". The clouds in that light were an unmistakable foreshadowing of inevitable rain for some time before the stars. Luke waited at my side with no hurry noticing how I sniffed the humidity to have, barely, a forecast of cloudless sky or drizzle; and I prepared myself as best I could for the one I knew an imminent battle. No one dared to speak and only Luke asked me shyly if it wouldn't be better to go out with a couple of umbrellas, because he had three and could lend me one. But it was not clear that it was going to rain and walking with no rain with an umbrella is weary and sometimes ridiculous. So finally we didn’t take them. And when at last we were far from the others, he asked me again:

− "I know you don't want me to ask you this again, but before leaving, I have to make sure you have no doubts. Are you sure you want to come, Nike? Say a word and we will stay here."

− "Let’s go, Luke. I am determined."

   And even if I love you deeply, this afternoon I have to forget my passion if, next to you, there are more essential things; and I'm not here because of love. You taught me that appreciating is more important. Tonight it is only the time for this wandering star to finally find a place in the skies to settle down, and so that I can join your constellation in the skies, first my feet have to tread, with ease or exhausted, the fatiguing land of your streets.