CHAPTER V: SIXTH MOTIF BY VERÔME
Opulent and surprising, Cape Town attracts
tourists even today despite the Apartheid which continues covering this
southernmost country in Africa with shame. With its exotic Table Mountain, making
depression towards the basin of the city, prosperous and beautiful as all that
presses is sometimes. And there a man smart and tender was born, with marked
feelings of kindness and loyalty, intelligent and generous, not always
understood by his parents.
─And he was
unfortunately not respected by some other morons, as one Nicholas Martin
Siddeley. And here I must stop for another pause, Protch, for you also know him.
─Surely I must, Nike.
But in this case I don't even know the family name.
─ Does surname
Richmonds say something to you?
─ Do you mean your habitual
guest John Richmonds, your coworker?
─I mean it, Protch. I
brought him here many times when you were still my servants. He worked with me
in the Thuban Star. And unfortunately, I was not always sympathetic with him.
But I told you that you knew half of us. I have spoken with Mistress Oakes, and
indeed it was her that told you that phrase. She remembers you, Protch, and you know her. And you also know Bruce, John and me. Half of us.
─I can’t imagine your
old guest John Richmonds in the street. Of course I think the same thing about
you, and if you are right now the Nike enigma, now I also have the Richmonds
enigma.
─He never was as rich
as me, who also had the Siddeley industry, but he had a fortune. And I now
finally come to tell you the sixth story.
The Richmonds family lived comfortably in
Cape Town and they owned farms on the outskirts of Durban, but Lawrence and
Joyce, the patriarchs, cared for them with dedication despite dangers
because they bred impalas, lions and especially snakes, especially the black
mamba or the boomslang. They had a lot of black servers, who could not be
called slaves, but they earned little and lived in extreme conditions, hosted
on the Richmonds' farm, and they couldn’t walk or dwell wherever they wanted in city, since there were areas restricted areas for black people.
They had a son named Arthur, who had been
raised between Cape Town and Durban, on his parents' farm, and since he was used to studying the venom of snakes, wanted to specialize one day in
toxicology. And so he came to the Capital of our country, to University.
Arthur Richmonds was a man of an affable character and soon met there a serene
woman, but with clear boundaries between what is right and what is not, called
Nora Blessing, who was studying rheumatology. She madly fell in love with him
and Arthur Richmonds came many times to Hazington, from where she was, and he
also met her brother Harold Blessing, who then worked at the Thuban Star. My
boss when I started working here, Protch, you also know him, a man with a
conservative mindset who, however, made a good impression in Arthur, who, after all, never questioned certain things, such as the equality of
all human beings, regardless of color.
They decided to get married and moved to
Cape Town, with frequent visits to their farm in Durban, and doctor Richmonds and
his wife, Dr. Nora Richmonds, had a son. Thus came to the world John, born in
Cape Town, but who often spent weeks in Durban, where his parents finally
moved, busy with the snakes and their many slaves, servants I mean.
But John grew up questioning these
circumstances, believing firmly that all human beings were equal, though not
all have been born under the same conditions. He wasn't sure what he wanted to
become, but he couldn’t imagine himself in the future in the farm in Durban, let alone having black human beings to his service. If ever he
happened to raise these questions to his parents, they reminded him that’s
how life was, for not everybody is born to do the same. And he often delighted in
reading, the best reader of the eight of us, and one day a friend lent him a book
about the stars, and he was pleased to learn them and recognizing them when he
saw them every night. He knew that there, in the southern hemisphere, there was
not a star that indicated the south, that one should be guided by the
constellation of Crux, the cross, and to find the place where south was you had
to lengthen the long neck of this cross about four or five times to get to an
imaginary point that would tell you where the south is. He recognized constellations such
as Phoenix or Carina or stars such as Alpha Centauri, Canopus and Achernar. And
one day he was 13, that critical age in which the sexual condition is usually
discovered, he admitted he liked men and soon was fascinated by one of his
black servants, one Zulu called Mthandeni.
Mthandeni did not deal with the impalas or
the few lions. He was hired to take care of snakes and numerous
reptiles, but he was an enigma for almost everyone. He was of the same age as
John, but he didn't have a family, except some cousin in Maseru, today the
capital of the Kingdom of Lesotho, but it was then the protectorate of
Basutoland, an island surrounded on all sides by the racist South Africa. One
day John went to greet him, as he did to all his servants, and he heard him.
─ "Hello, master Richmonds."
─ "Only John, please.
You and I are equal. The color of our skin does not make us different."
─ "But I work for
you."
─ "You work for
my parents. I neither have servants nor want them. I'd rather be a
friend of yours, Mthandeni – and he saw without fear that he was in love with
him - and talk about anything and be friends."
─ "John..."-he
started to tell. Also love had reached him. But then one of his employees cried
out loud. An ugly boomslang had bitten him ferociously in one arm, probably
female, due to its brown color. Mthandeni then left him and ran to where the wounded
man was. John saw him remove its venom and save that man's life, and he was
learning from what he observed, how to heal a wounded man, if he needed it one day.
Mthandeni and he spoke every day, and John
taught him his stellar knowledge. But one day Mthandeni told him
seriously.
─ "John, iwe'd better stop seeing each other. You would not consider right what I'm
going to say. You can tell your parents and then they can fire me."
─ "What is it that you wanna say, my friend? I don't think there can be a reason to fire you."
─ "Maybe you
don't find a real reason and my heart tells me that perhaps you might even
understand me. But your parents are not going to understand."
He could not lose him. He was willing to
listen to him as usual with serenity. Mthandeni was already a part of his life.
But he was very far from knowing what he was going to say.
─ "I’m sorry,
John but I love you."
While happiness was spreading through all
his being, he was flabbergasted and frozen. He never expected to be loved by
the one he loved.
─ "I also love
you, Mthandeni; the question is what we are going to do now."
They then kissed and hugged. They
could not do more that first night. And they got used to meeting late in
secret. One bright starry evening John said.
─ "You are like
Canopus and I am like the southern sky. This hemisphere would not be understood
without its shine."
Canopus, Alpha
carinae, in the constellation of the Keel, the second brightest star in the
night sky, only surpassed by Sirius, in the northern hemisphere. Agastya in
Hindu astrology it does not seem to end its days as a supernova and would end its
time as a white dwarf star. It was just a comparison, not a gift, but it was
the first time he would do such a thing. Canopus for Mthandeni, his first
love, still living in the southern hemisphere.
They
were three years meeting in secret, finding some safe places to love each
other. But they were poor parks where they could only kiss, since Mthandeni wasn't
allowed to move freely around the city. They looked for a bridge under which they
could love thoroughly.
─ "Starlight is
reflected in your beautiful blue eyes and with its shine your pupils become
more tender." - said John delicately, and Mthandeni appreciated it.
─ "We must be
very careful, John – he often said-. We are two men and I am black,
remember."
─ "You know that
that does not matter to me, sweetheart."
─ "Yes, John, but
I have had to be born here, in this racist country. And fortunately, or else I would
have never known you. And during the day, as long as I’m working for your parents,
do not come too close to me, my life. We have the night for love."
Thus they were for several years. John’s parents did
not know anything, and he confused them saying he had a girlfriend and he
saw her every evening, from 7 to 9. He never told the truth to his parents. And
it is not known what they thought or imagined. But this situation was
unsustainable. And three years later, Mthandeni said.
─ "If it weren’t
because I love you, John... You know that in Maseru, in Basutoland, I have
several cousins, and that blacks live in other conditions. And we don't have to
hide. My cousin Mthunzi knows the truth of my love for you, and might even find
me a job."
─ "Maseru, and
why not, Mthandeni? Talk to your cousin, and if he finds us a job and a place to
live, we could escape."
─ "It is crazy,
John."
─ "I'm tired of
living a life that is not mine, sweetheart. There we could live for the rest of
our days, the two of us together, happy and at peace."
And crazy or not, at 16 they escaped to
Basutoland, to Maseru, where Mthunzi had already found them a job and even a place
where both could live comfortably alone. John Richmonds and Mthandeni
escaped without John's parents knowing anything. So that you have an idea,
Protch, in which year we are, I'll tell you that then Lucy was four years old and lived with
her mother at Brenda McDawn’s.
John then did not have his own money, but
Mthandeni did. They traveled by train to
Maseru. They did not have too many problems on the border and one afternoon they
came finally to the capital of Basutoland. In the station Mthunzi awaited them,
the only friend before whom they did not have to conceal their love. He led
them to the small apartment where they would live: a huge dining room, which
was also a kitchen, a small bathroom, and a bedroom, small, but at the sight of
which both John and Mthandeni began to cry. He thought that there they could
love for life. John’s parents did not know where they were and with that small
apartment they had enough to begin their life in common.
In Maseru they soon began to work in a
small shop of beauty and cosmetics. Mthandeni’s situation had changed. There a
black man did not have any prohibited areas and was truly free. And poor but
together they lived two years of madness. Every night they returned to their
home and there they loved each other passionately, overflowing all the feeling
built up during the day, deciding not to even kiss in the street, because the
risk of not being understood, being two men, remained. They didn’t even speak
of love during the day and people in the shop thought that John and Mthandeni
were two students who shared a small apartment. They only told the truth to
Mthunzi, because they often went with him for a drink. The two teenage lovers believed they were going to spend their life together and occasionally
made plans for the future. They were the first happy years in John’s life. You
don't need to be a millionaire, as he would be one day, to be happy and he was
getting used to postponing everything that he considered not important for his
happiness and to remain, rebellious, with what it really was.
But a shock would make that idyll come to an
end abruptly. Suddenly one day when John was alone at home the doorbell rang and
when he opened his uncle Harold’s austere silhouette was there.
─ "I finally find
you, John."
─ "Uncle, what
are you doing here?"
─ "Your parents
and I have been two years thinking that you had gone forever from this world.
The police have searched for you everywhere in South Africa. But you could not
keep forever the deception. Mthandeni had said something to a coworker, and
after hard efforts - some had been whipped-, we have known of your flight with
him to Maseru. You do not find it shameful to live with a man, but I don't know
whether you know that your parents and I are ashamed. And willing to straighten you.
Tomorrow I'll take a flight back to my country and you are going to come with me
to the Capital, where you will live with your mother’s brother and mine, John
Blessing, a widower with a son also called John, like his father, like you. And you
will stay there until you do some university studies and you a good woman."
─ "I don't want
to go anywhere, uncle. Mthandeni is my life and I want to go on living with
him."
─ "You are
speaking nonsense. You are a minor and neither your parents nor I are going to allow
it. And if you don't do what I say, I will report your Mthandeni, for abandonment of his job and for corrupting a white man. So if you don’t
want anything to happen to him, tomorrow you will come with me to my
country."
John was then helpless. He hated his uncle
Harold, but he realized that if he rebelled Mthandeni’s life would become
complicated, maybe even with jail. So, he said.
─ "Let me at
least write him a note."
─ "Ok, but let it
be brief. Tonight you come to my hotel and in the morning you will fly to my country."
He hardly had time to think what to say. He
could only explain that his uncle Harold had found him and he should move
to his country or otherwise, Mthandeni would not be safe and could end up in
some prison of South Africa. He had a broken heart and tears prevented him to
see whether in that note he had written something of what he felt, to express to him
how much he loved him, to ask him to forgive him and reiterate that he was never
going to forget him.
Life in the Capital was arduous and never-ending
for him. He got along well with his uncle John, but with his cousin they only said hello to each other and little more. He knew of his story with
Mthandeni and did not respect it, so they barely spoke.
But in the capital and with them he spent
his university years. He didn't have any vocation in particular, but his uncle
Harold, who he always hated, said to him that one day he could set him up in
the Thuban Star, in Hazington, where he worked then, not as president, but as
the right-hand man of Norman Wrathfall, who was. He then studied economics and
moved to Hazington, where he had an apartment in Riverside, which his uncle
Harold, a millionaire, had given him in our year 15. He went frequently to his
house in Evendale, for he wanted to see her aunt. Rose Blessing, his uncle's wife, did
seem nice and understood John and was a confident of his hidden secrets. And he frequently
spoke to her of some dalliance that he had had in his college years, nothing
serious, but of course always with men, something that his aunt did not
criticize. But he lost her soon, his uncle Harold became a widower and working
in the Thuban, which now he presided - Norman Wrathfall was still young, but had
been delegating his functions to his friend Harold until he decided to transfer
him the Presidency of the company, while he stayed there more comfortable as an
adviser of the company – hardly ever spoke beyond work matters. John soon was
promoted to director of the project office and became a member of the Board of
Directors. Shortly after working there he learned reading the press of the
creation of the State of Lesotho, on what had been the protectorate of
Basutoland. He remembered his days in Maseru, and Mthandeni, who he recalled
with nostalgia, still in love, whom he never forgot.
I will overlook the nine years he spent there
without finding happiness, when I was not even working in the company and even
though you know them all because they were once my guests, Protch, let me remind
you of them.
First of all let me tell you something more
about Harold Blessing. To preside the company made him soon forget his widowerhood
and then onwards he would be devoted only to accumulate money. Empty and
without happiness his nephew John Richmonds continued somehow amassing riches
as an automaton and becoming a millionaire, not so much like me, surely, who
had also inherited the Siddeley industry, but certainly in those years he made
a small fortune, because he went on as best he could in the faith instilled to collect
treasures, a belief he and I were brought up to believe without questioning its
usefulness at all. Some began to call him contemptuously African, but he did not
complain, and his big secret only was known then by Anne-Marie.
Finally far from the presidency, Norman
Wrathfall had a loan off his mind and could finally devote himself to his
daughters, because he had several, and some he had lost for his inability to
understand them, in the years when the Thuban Star ruled all his energies.
A man of a strong character who perhaps softened with age. Now I know that his
life was apathy, but he didn’t care because making a fortune was all that
mattered to him. And now as an adviser of the company, he continued enriching,
earning perhaps less but with half of occupations.
It is also possible that you remember
Anne-Marie Beaulière, who in the early years was such a good friend of John’s
that she even fell in love with him. But John never hid the truth from his
heart. She was a really loyal and friendly woman for her friends and always,
when she loved him and when finally she no longer did, a support for his heart
and often by his side; and when I arrived, we went frequently out all three
together, until my relationship with John grew apart. But this part of my story
I'll tell you when you reach the years that my lacking sense days were only my
prehistory. When I entered the company, she was my assistant. An excellent
woman of whom I will often speak and has always been on my side.
Soon promoted to chief accountant, Walter
Hope was an orphan of unknown origins, but often flattered by Norman Wrathfall,
perhaps set up in that job by him one day, really thankful to him, did any work
for which he was required. He was extremely ambitious, and when I arrived our
relationship was never good, because he saw in me, due to my surname and my way of making businesses, a clear rival in his road to the presidency, which he dreamed
of inheriting one day.
In our year 22 one Thaddeus Barrymore was promoted to the Board of
Directors and he was the head of the industrial section. Young and
ambitious, I found in him an impossible to decrypt enigma. He did not agree
with many of my projects and more than once prevented some business to come out
ahead. But at other times, something that I had planned, difficult to be succesful, had his approval. So I never knew what to expect of him and doing
any plan, I could both expect his blessing as his contempt.
In year 24 a moron called Nicholas Martin Siddely arrived to the Thuban
Star. I'm sorry, Protch, but I don’t
have another name for me those years. First a friend of John and Anne-Marie’s,
then estranged with the former, who I am afraid I did not understand and even
insulted one day. I was not sure what I wanted to do with my life and
disoriented, not knowing yet my true path, was always more or less next to John
Richmonds, now my work mate.
Not known by you was the third President of the
company, Samuel Weissmann, who arrived to the Thuban two years after me and who
you haven’t met. He was American and one good or bad day, got the shares of
stock of Harold Blessing, and came to this country to preside over it. He is a
man, perhaps dry, perhaps lively. I could not give you an opinion of him in the
years prior to the street. I just know that I never had any problems with him and
this sometimes was strange, because I was already in my drunken years.
On the floor below, in the bar, also
important, then were Arnold and Jeff, but they soon hired a new waiter, a man called Richard, who would later become important in this story. But if something you know
of him, please don't say anything yet, Protch. Be patient because we have to
continue respecting the chronological order. The important thing now is that
John was for him Mr. Richmonds, and as such he addressed him.
He had lost Mthandeni, perhaps forever, her
aunt Rose. But one night when his parents, as they used to do three times a
year, flew to this country to see him, the plane crashed and he lost them too.
It took several days to find their charred remains. They were to be buried in
Durban and John caught a flight that would take him back to his native Africa.
He attended the funeral, downcast and sad;
wondering how much his parents would have known of the hidden truths of his
heart and recalling the serene way of seeing life of Arthur Richmonds and his
mother, Dr. Nora Blessing’s happiness. His parents were members of the Dutch
Reformed Church and in one of its temples, he could never be said to share the
faith of his parents, he cried and said goodbye to them: good bye Arthur and
Nora Richmonds, I hope that your life was worth; mine no longer makes any
sense.
Without finding himself capable of doing
it, now he was alone in Africa and he was of age, he then flew to Maseru. He
sought Mthandeni but he could not find him. He then went to his
cousin Mthunzi's address. Same result. Desperate, he finally spoke to a neighbor and knew that
they both had moved to any country in Europe. He had to leave it there; hoping
to see him one day again and he had no resentment and was able to forgive him.
He returned to Hazington and although he was
trying to see it all differently, he could not help but see his life as
a heavy burden. He had no parents. He had no love. He had nothing. He confessed
his concerns to Anne-Marie, but she couldn't do much about it. And a January 25,
desperate in his house, he decided to drive to Rage Bridge. Life didn't make
sense for him. He would jump from the bridge, as so many had done, and all his
bitterness would end with suicide.
He left his home on a really cold night.
Soon he saw in Riverside Avenue that night a heavy rain was foretold. But
in the meantime, as he was driving, another rain, that of his eyes, fell hard. Under
these conditions driving was dangerous and he could kill himself. With that
thought he smiled. He was going to kill himself. Did it matter if it were
otherwise? But life has defense mechanisms. He had chosen to die by throwing
himself from Rage Bridge. That decision taken, yet he clung to life, and drove
with care and prudence. Once he reached Rivers' Meet he saw for a second how the
Heatherling died in the Kilmourne and thought: within an hour, or little more I
will end in the same waters. It will be not drowned. He supposed that the
height of Rage Bride would make him die because of the hard blow. One second and his pain would end. He was
determined to go on.
In Temple Road he recalled his life thinking
that he had never been happy. But then he rectified. The years he'd ppent with
Mthandeni he had been very happy. But it was not likely that he would see him
again. He recalled his years in the Capital and in Hazington and to have a
fortune didn’t help. I have nothing that makes me happy. The bright lights of
the avenue seemed to shine like gold poured out. Gold he had and more than
enough. But what do I want that money for? Friends? He only felt the pain he
would cause to Anne-Marie. I don't know whether you still love me, but you will
survive. He also reviewed the years when he believed he had more friends, and
yes, Protch, in this desperate and empty journey in the car, he remembered one
Nike, who had failed him. I know that he imagined me in the many night parties
we spent together, he hardly drunk, even if he also knew the effects of the hangover,
mostly in me. He was already in Castle Road. Later he would only have Wall
Street, and a couple of avenues, and finally Rage Bridge.
It was then when it began to rain hard. But
it was the rain of that night that changed his fate. Driving on Wall Street,
the streets were deserted. In that neighborhood of Castlebridge criminals could
stop a car with a knife, he knew it well, but that night there was not a soul
in the street. But it suddenly began a rain so hard that it caused him to stop
the car a few seconds. Under these conditions, driving was a suicide. He
couldn’t see anything. He parked near Wrathfall Bridge and stayed in the car for a few minutes.
From there, the silhouette of the bridge was
conveniently seen. He could see three eyes. The two closest to the river were
illuminated. Surely beggars who had lit two bonfires. But the western eye,
the closest to him, was in the dark. Suddenly, and even if it was insane because
of the night as it was, he thought he would go down, take refuge there for a few
minutes until the rain stopped, and then continue his gloomy journey and his
final goal.
He soon saw that water prevented him from
walking safely. To get to Wrathfall Bridge there was a steep and dangerous descent
among elms, but he was determined to find refuge in that eye of the bridge. And
maybe he could stop to meditate if he still had any alternative. Fallen leaves,
the slippery and muddy ground, on more than one occasion made him slip and lose
a little balance but he never fell.
Beggars in the two adjacent eyes should have
heard his footsteps, but no one approached him to accuse him of anything. The
eye he entered surprised him because it had a lot of wood ready but it was not lit.
He sat on one side with wet clothes and began to cry. It was January
26, our year 26. He was crying when something startled him. Unexpectedly, from the
other eye, the opening closest to the River, a completely naked man who
spoke to him, appeared.
─ "Who are
you?"
─ "My name is
John Richmonds. I thought there was no one here and I have come down a few
minutes to see whether the rain had stopped, but if you are bothered by my presence,
I'm leaving now."
─ "Stay all the time you
wish, but in a bad neighborhood like this the presence of a naked beggar you
may not trust. My name is Miguel McDawn"- and they shook hands.
─ "It could be me
who is not worthy of trust. You don't know me and I could be a ruffian with bad
intentions."
─ "No. Your face
says you are a good person. I can swim in this area of the Kilmourne and so I
wash myself almost every day, but I make the most of nights like this to have a
shower with the rain. I will finish at once; because there also roam here a
couple of rats and I have a phobia of these creatures. I'll get a lighter and light
the wood. Do you have?"
─ "I don't
smoke."
Miguel then sought a cleft on the left wall
where he kept everything, he was explaining. There he had left his clothes,
blankets, books and even coffee and sugar to have breakfast before going out
every morning.
He lit the fire and John approached it as
Miguel finished his shower. He reappeared two minutes later, telling him that
he had already finished and asked whether he cared he continued naked.
─ "It does not
worry me, Miguel. Perhaps it would be you who opposed if you knew my
life."
─ "What is it that
I can notice you want to tell me and do not dare?"
─ "Well, if you
don’t like my answer, I will leave you alone and you will not see me. I would
understand. I like men, Miguel."
─ "I do not
usually get shocked before dinner. Then I have indigestion and I cannot sleep
well - and he paused and then asked-, well, what did you expect for an answer?
Not all men like women. But there is nothing more obviously natural. I'm not going
to get shocked nor am I going to expel you from here, John. You will only go
when you want to go. And don’t be afraid of anything, I live in this
neighborhood, but am not going to steal you."
─ "I am sure you
won’t, Miguel."
─ "That you can
only be sure of when you leave and see that money and everything else is still
in your trousers. But look, since it continues raining in a torrential way and it will
be at least one more hour like that I suggest that you dine with me. And I
would advise you to remove your clothes. You will not be able to walk anywhere later
and fire can dry them. I'm not a satyr. I am not going to do anything. We
will only be two naked men dining awhile together and we will talk of whatever we
like."
─ "Well, if you
have no problem in being next to a naked man who likes men, then I will take
off my clothes, I will."
At
that time Miguel tapped the right wall, it seemed an
agreed signal.
─ "In the next eye my fellow mate Bruce sleeps. These taps are because he is probably hearing
voices and to reassure him, so that ke knows that nothing happens. Then he will
tap on his right, where my three female mates are sleeping, my dear Mistress
Oakes, and a mother with her daughter, my friends Olivia and Lucy,
respectively."
Miguel then took from the cleft cheese and
a knife.
─ "I don't have any
bread, but please dine with me."
But John seemed reluctant cause he did not want to leave the beggar without his food. It surely wasn't easy to get it.
─ "John, if you don’t
eat, I will think that you feel disgust because I have dirty fingernails."
John could not allow that thought and
answered.
─ "Hand me the
cheese, Miguel. I will eat with you."
─ "What would you
think, John if we addressed informally? Two naked men dining together is a
situation to be confident."
They began to have dinner in silence, but
then Miguel asked.
─ "John, where
were you going, on a night like this?"
─ "I had the whim
to see the viewpoint of Rage Bridge, and the falls of Wrathfall, which can be
heard from here, and I have never seen."
─
"John - and then he increased his tenderness-, with a night of rain?"
─
"When I left my house it was not raining."
─
"You are not telling the truth. There are many people who go on excursion
to see Rage Bridge, which I think it is ugly, but at least it is great. And the
beautiful Wrathfall waterfalls, whose sound indeed rather than bother this
bridge beggars cradles us. But no one would go there today. That is, unless you
have an intention that many have in that damn bridge. You were going towards it
to commit suicide, isn't it?"
And John could not lie and confessed
the truth.
─
"I have nothing in life. I am South African and there I met a young black
man, called Mthandeni, who has been my only love. But my uncle turned me away
from him and I have been here, empty, living several years, working in the
Thuban Star, I don't know whether you know it. Recently my parents have also died
and now I have nothing, except money, which does not give me
satisfaction."
─
"I thought I knew your face. And even your name. I was a
lawyer before being in the street and my company dealt many times with issues of the
Thuban Star. Maybe we have met before. I worked for Aubrey, Fielding and
McDawn, do you know it?"
─
"Holy heaven, I do. I think you and I have previously met."
─
"John, do you really think that suicide is a solution for anything?"
─
"I know this question is often asked and I've answered it more than once.
Suicide may be the failure of life, but it is a solution for when pain
makes you feel that you can't go on anymore and that is what is happening to
me."
─
"But if you do not live anymore, you will never know whether you can find
another man who loves you more and be the man of your life. Existing makes us
frequently experience extreme pain, but often after it, true
happiness comes. I have not found the love of my life. I confess that when I got to
the street, I was in love with Olivia, but staying in Wrathfall Bridge, with
all my mates, it happened to me that I fell in love with Lucy, her daughter,
and I have never said anything to any of them. Just as can happen to you, the
love of my life can still be waiting for me."
─
"I should have met you before, Miguel. You speak with enough common sense.
If these are my last hours, it is a pleasure to have met you first. Meanwhile,
I feel that I'm at home."
I'm at home. He was the first one to say those words,
but wouldn't be the only one.
─
"You may come here whenever you want to talk to me. John, it has stopped
raining. Answer me honestly and courageously. What are you going to do?"
─
"What can I do?"
─
"You can stay here tonight. I usually sleep pretty late and we can still
talk as long as we wish. You know? I have a strange feeling with you. I've been
on the street two and a half years and..."
John interrupted
─ "How did you find yourself in the
street?"-.
─
It is very difficult to believe, but later I would see many who did what I did. I have
not yet found any clear motives. I guess I was looking for freedom and live
according to my own rules without anyone imposing them to me, but in short, I'm
on the street because I chose it. One day I left work, money, the house I had,
everything... but in doing so, you won’t believe, I began to live."
─
"You can choose it then. Miguel, if I'm not really a nuisance to you, I
will stay here tonight. I have no desire of suicide at the moment. And if
tomorrow I again have this temptation, I would come back to talk to you. But I
pray that you're not so tender with me. I could fall in love with you."
─
"If you fall in love with me, let me know, and you'd have a very strong
hug first and then I assure you that if you wish, we would see every day. In
fact I wanted to tell you I have a feeling that I have not had for years, since
I came to the street. The people who do not live here speak to me always as a
beggar, and compassion is evident, but with you I feel that... you are talking
to a human being. I am a man again."
─
"I don't know what time it is. I have not brought my watch, but it must be
about 1. At this time I should be dead. But the rain has made me know you and
at least this evening I will not die. But I am sorry to tell you this. I don't
know right now how long I will live. But it has happened to me. Forgive me, but
I've fallen in love with you."
─
"You should not apologize for that - he said at the time he started to
caress him tenderly-. I promised an embrace,
but since we are naked, I think touching would be better."
─
"But, Miguel, for goodness sake, you like women and you are in love with one
Lucy."
─
"It wouldn't be the first time for me to make love with a man, John. I did
when I was in the army. And you are a very sweet person. Something drives me to
make love with you, more knowing that you love me. Let yourself be carried away. You're
not a man who objects to make love with a beggar. And tonight I desire you and I'm
going to make you live, rather than death, a new life."
Suddenly, now without rain, a star
seemed curious and sneaked into an eye of Wrathfall Bridge. He, who had
believed to be driving to suicide, unexpectedly had found a naked man with
whom he was beginning to make love.
─
"If I could fall in love with a black man in the South Africa of
Apartheid, I can sleep with a beggar, and I could even have a second life with
him. At least I could keep his friendship."
─
"Do not have the slightest doubt, John. If what we are going to do now gives you
pleasure, we could repeat, see each other every day and be friends, and often make love. This kind of life is not for you, but you could devote a couple of hours to me every
night."- And then he kissed him.
It was difficult to think and John allowed himself
to be cradled among the unexpected blankets that life gave him. That intensely cold night muffled by fire, they lay together and they started to know
each other and to surrender to each other. He realized then that the love of his
life, even though he would always love him, wasn't Mthandeni, it was Miguel,
and not saying anything, he even got used to the idea of accompanying him on the street. The idea did not scare him. He had lived in
miserable conditions in Basutoland and there he had lived the happiest years of
his life. He might have a second life as a beggar, because even if Miguel didn’t
love him, he gave him the possibility to see each other every day and by his side he would
be again a living man. He didn't need to be loved; he needed to be liked. In John's case, it seems possible to think that at least one of us went to
the street out of love, but he had not met the other four yet or the air of
freedom which permeates our lives and love was not the only thing that made him
decide to stay there forever. The naked night went on, but rather than being
the bitterest night in his life, it was the happiest one in his life, and after the
battle, both lied down to sleep together, John in Miguel’s chest, and surely
he failed to sleep a bit, his mind a torch which illuminated the glass of his
existence with Canopus reflexes in the northern hemisphere, Miguel as a beaver
under the bridge and stroking him and kissing him until they fell asleep, for
the first time twins, the rain of that night as the vanguard of the happiest
years of their lives.
The next morning, he found Miguel making coffee
with water he had brought from the river. Noticing him awake, he wanted to say
something else. But he kissed his mouth and only told him.
─
"John, drink your coffee quietly, for now I have something to tell you. Could
you sleep at least a couple of hours?"
─
"I don’t remember that I have been able to sleep anything, and you?"
─
"I had a lot to think about, and I've slept little, but something I have. John, what I'm going to say is not easy to say and I don't know whether you’ll believe
me. But tonight I've noticed it and now I have no doubt: I love you. Yes,
believe me. I am saying the truth. I love you, John. But what are we going to
do now? I don't want to get out of the street. I would sooner or later regret leaving
it. And this kind of life is not for you. You would go back to your wealth in a few
hours. And what could I do without you?"
─
"At this time, Miguel, someone should be finding my corpse in the Kilmourne waters, but instead you are offering me real happiness. You know that
I lived with virtually nothing in the present Kingdom of Lesotho. I don't want
money. I want to try it with you. But tell me, with hand on heart, how long
will it take you to be with a woman again? With that Lucy you love or with
another?"
─
"I like women, John, but also men. Now I see it clearly. And Lucy, when I
have fallen in love with you, I know well that I do not love her anymore. We
could try. If you are not trained for the street, we could see each other every
night. You don't have to go any further."
─
"Miguel, now I'm going to my jod but with the intention to leave it. Today I will go with
you to beg when I return. I don't know whether this is going to be fine. I am not worried
about the street, but about the fact that you like women. Anyway, let's try.
Now we love each other and as long as it is like this, my whole life I will spend with
you, even if it is only two days. I start work within half an hour. Now I will
explain to them that I leave them and I come to live with you. Wait for me in a
few hours. And do not be afraid: I will
return."
And with that agreement,
and even if Miguel didn’t know what to think, John came back into his car and
driving with a different face, got finally on the road.
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